XP: Officially on to DE Cycle

Bubs711

Well, even though I hoped for one, in reality I knew we weren't getting a Christmas miracle. AF showed up right on schedule last night/this morning so it's on to IVF with DE.

I have my mammogram scheduled for Monday, and DH and I will get our b/w done then. I will also call to schedule my repeat SHG. Then it's on to finding a donor. So in reality, I could finally be pregnant in the next few months!

My mom actually had a conversation with my cousin (who's 30) the other day about kids. My cousin was feeling guilty that she doesn't want kids. I half jokingly told my mom, "Well, tell her to donate us her eggs, and she can have the best of both worlds!" My mom said that she had told my cousin about our situation, and without my mom actually asking, my cousin said maybe she should just donate her eggs to us. Now I'm wondering if I should ask her or one of her sisters (the one who's 28, but lives in Boston) if they would be willing to do this for us, or if I should just stick with my clinic's anonymous donor program.

happywifemomofone

Exciting to be moving on.....I understand about the sister things-It's hard to decide whether to ask or not to ask.  Do your sisters know about your desire to have a child, and decision to move on to DE?  If so, I would think that it might cross their mind that they should offer to donate?  That sounds simple-but then again if they don't know anything about ART-they may have NO IDEA what it's all about and it might not even cross their minds to offer?  Wishing you tons of success and a BFP in 2012.  Will you be sharing a donor with another couple, or cycling by yourselves?  Sometimes wish I didn't know so much about DE-want to jump the fence and join all the other success stories.  Good luck!

mtlaurel

I'm sorry you didn't get your miracle, but am glad you're moving on. You and I will be going through the DE process somewhat together, I think.

As far as getting a known donor, I don't have anyone in my life that I would be comfortable asking. My sister is 11 years older than me, and my cousins are much older, too. So, I've never really contemplated it, but I feel like that adds a layer of complexity to an already overwhelmingly complex process. That's just me, though. If you're comfortable asking, then it can't hurt to have the conversation.

Bubs711

happywifemomofone:

Exciting to be moving on.....I understand about the sister things-It's hard to decide whether to ask or not to ask.  Do your sisters know about your desire to have a child, and decision to move on to DE?  If so, I would think that it might cross their mind that they should offer to donate?  That sounds simple-but then again if they don't know anything about ART-they may have NO IDEA what it's all about and it might not even cross their minds to offer?  Wishing you tons of success and a BFP in 2012.  Will you be sharing a donor with another couple, or cycling by yourselves?  Sometimes wish I didn't know so much about DE-want to jump the fence and join all the other success stories.  Good luck!

It's actually my cousin since I don't have any sisters.  I'm lucky that my mother has brothers 6, 13 and 17 years younger than she is.  The middle brother (13 years younger) has 5 kids, 4 of which are girls - all between 21-30.  One has Lupus, and one is just 21 so I'm not sure how she'd feel about it.  The other two are possibilities, but I didn't think DH would go for it.  Surprisingly, he thinks we should ask, but I wouldn't have done that if she hadn't offered to my mom on her own.  I want to talk it over more with him today, but I'm a little bit excited to at least have the option. 

We would be cycling by ourselves - I don't believe my clinic does the sharing program.  I did think, though, that if we froze embryos, and my cousin would change her mind about having kids and had trouble, we could share with her if she wanted.

It all becomes very complicated and so far from how you learn things are "supposed" to go in health class, doesn't it?!

Maybe Joleisa

So sorry your last cycle wasn't your miracle cycle, but how exciting to be moving forward! I just found out this evening that our very good friends who just had twins, conceived with DEs on their first try.  Best of luck to you!

owlprof

It definitely sounds like a complicated situation , but I am glad that you are moving forward.  I don't know that I have any real advice on the cousin-as-donor question, but it seems like it is at least worth considering.  Good luck!

CharBart

Hi...I hope you don't mind me jumping in but I used to ferquent this board for about 2 years before my miracles.

My boys were conceived with DE on the first try.  We used an anonymous donor and I am so glad we did.  She was 21 at the time and we got 33 eggs, 22 fertilized and we have 8 frozen embryos.  I never think of my boys as anything but mine and I am so glad we went the DE route.  I would just caution using an older donor...while 30 doesn't sound old it could be with regards to egg quality.  Also, think long and hard about how using someone you know would feel about the child(ren) once they were born....would they look at them and see "their" child?

Didn't mean to put my nose in where it doesn't belong but I just wanted to give you another point of view.

Good Luck to you whatever you decide to do!! 

Mrs.McIrish

CharBart:

Hi...I hope you don't mind me jumping in but I used to ferquent this board for about 2 years before my miracles.

My boys were conceived with DE on the first try.  We used an anonymous donor and I am so glad we did.  She was 21 at the time and we got 33 eggs, 22 fertilized and we have 8 frozen embryos.  I never think of my boys as anything but mine and I am so glad we went the DE route.  I would just caution using an older donor...while 30 doesn't sound old it could be with regards to egg quality.  Also, think long and hard about how using someone you know would feel about the child(ren) once they were born....would they look at them and see "their" child?

Didn't mean to put my nose in where it doesn't belong but I just wanted to give you another point of view.

Good Luck to you whatever you decide to do!! 

Wishing lots of luck to Bubs and also waving hi to Char! I saw your boys on another post. They are absolutely gorgeous!!

 

mtlaurel

CharBart:

Hi...I hope you don't mind me jumping in but I used to ferquent this board for about 2 years before my miracles.

My boys were conceived with DE on the first try.  We used an anonymous donor and I am so glad we did.  She was 21 at the time and we got 33 eggs, 22 fertilized and we have 8 frozen embryos.  I never think of my boys as anything but mine and I am so glad we went the DE route.  I would just caution using an older donor...while 30 doesn't sound old it could be with regards to egg quality.  Also, think long and hard about how using someone you know would feel about the child(ren) once they were born....would they look at them and see "their" child?

Didn't mean to put my nose in where it doesn't belong but I just wanted to give you another point of view.

Good Luck to you whatever you decide to do!! 

This is exactly what I think of and what I meant by adding complexity. I actually told DH that I don't even want to see an adult photo of our donor so that I don't have the image of another woman in my head during moments of self-doubt as a parent.

So happy to see this post, though. Your boys are precious, CharBart!