Why is it so hard? (stupid vent)

authorofdreamz

To get some freaking help!

I finally admitted to myself that this is a problem and I need help and decided to make an appointment. That was on Tuesday. It was too late to call but I found out that I could request an appointment online so I did and I felt good that I was actually taking the steps to help myself. I requested the appointment with a GP that my friend has seen for depression and really liked because I don't really like any of the OB's and I was hoping that make it easier for me to talk to someone well they reply back that patients need to be seen by an OBGYN for PPD. Okay fine. I call on Wednesday to make an appointment with an OB. They say that I have to talk to a nurse and that they will leave a message for her and she will call me back the next day (this was on Weds.) well she didn't call until today and she said that the OBGYN department doesn't deal with PPD and that she will give me a survey over the phone do judge my level of depression then give social services a call, they will call me, and then refer me to a doctor. I really didn't like the idea of having to talk about this stuff over the phone with a nurse so I almost hung up but I didn't and I answered all but one of the questions honestly. She said that social services would call me today well they haven't and it is passed their office hours so they aren't going to call until at least Monday and then it will probably be at least two weeks until I can get an appointment because it always almost takes that long. I really don't like the idea of having to deal with social services because it just reinforces my fear that they are going to take my baby away because I am a horrible person. I didn't expect it to be this hard just to get some freaking help. I thought I would just have to make an appointment, talk to a doctor, and then they'd prescribe medicine/therapy/both or whatever. I was not expecting to have to talk to a bunch of people and over the phone no less. I am kind of wishing that I just never said anything to anybody and just kept pretending that everything is fine. 

I know this is stupid and pointless and I should just be happy that this will eventually get taken care of. This is just really frustrating because even just admitting that I need help was really difficult for me and now it is going to be so long before I even talk to a doctor that I am not sure I will even have the nerve to do so anymore =/

Kristine Schilling

I am NOT a Dr but, I think I can help you relax and breath a bit here.

lets see... You ARE working towards help. This is a great start. And yes, jumping through hoops sucks and takes forever....But again, we are just getting started here.

First, lets get you some immidiate help ok? Call a family member or friend. Have them come over and help you out a bit, housework, feeding baby, letting you get a few much needed naps. Talk to them, cry a little, get it out. You didnt mention DH or SO... is daddy in the picture? He should be your #1 support in this if he is in the picture.

Recognizing that you need help is the biggest and hardest part of PPD. Since you are obviously wanting to get help, it is safe to say that even if you have had suicidal thoughts, you are not in danger of going through with that right? So I think we can safely say you wont be hospitalized.

Something to let go of... Fear that they will take your baby. They dont do that unless the situation is extreme. Meaning you have attempted to hurt the child, or have had serious thoughts of hurting the child.

 

Does this help? Remember, PPD is very common. You are not alone.

authorofdreamz

Kristine Schilling:

I am NOT a Dr but, I think I can help you relax and breath a bit here.

lets see... You ARE working towards help. This is a great start. And yes, jumping through hoops sucks and takes forever....But again, we are just getting started here.

First, lets get you some immidiate help ok? Call a family member or friend. Have them come over and help you out a bit, housework, feeding baby, letting you get a few much needed naps. Talk to them, cry a little, get it out. You didnt mention DH or SO... is daddy in the picture? He should be your #1 support in this if he is in the picture.

Recognizing that you need help is the biggest and hardest part of PPD. Since you are obviously wanting to get help, it is safe to say that even if you have had suicidal thoughts, you are not in danger of going through with that right? So I think we can safely say you wont be hospitalized.

Something to let go of... Fear that they will take your baby. They dont do that unless the situation is extreme. Meaning you have attempted to hurt the child, or have had serious thoughts of hurting the child.

 

Does this help? Remember, PPD is very common. You are not alone.

Thanks. I know I really overreacted when I made this post. I was just very frustrated. 

I have tried to talk to my FI about this in the beginning when I first suspected something was wrong but he really just didn't understand and his response was "This is what you always wanted. You should be happy." which is of course how I feel all the time so it just made me feel worse so I haven't talked about it to him again because I am not sure how and have done my best to appear perfectly fine and happy around him which is exhausting.

Right. I have been down that road before and definitely do not plan on repeating it.

I know it is irrational. I even remember a social worker talking to me in the hospital and she even said not to be afraid that they aren't going to take her but that is just what my brain automatically thinks of when I hear social services 

It does help. Even though I know that, it always helps to hear it.

srbmvp

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this.... I know from experience how impossible all that red tape and crap can really make things feel. But remember, you are making steps in the right direction, even if it isn't happening as quickly as you want it to.

Hang in there.... and know that while admitting you needed help was hard, you are going through something very common and you aren't alone...

 Hugs!