At what point does picking them up become detrimental?

gymnst1013

I know you can't spoil a baby by responding to their every need when they are young but at what point does it teach them that they can cry to get their way?  I feel like sometimes there is really nothing wrong with N other than that he is bored.  And I definitely don't mind picking him up now but sometimes he'll be playing and I'll get a work call that I have to deal with and I can't respond to him immediately. It would never be more than a couple of minutes before MH or I would get him but he instantly throws a tantrum if we don't respond right away.  Is he manipulating us already?

MommaA117

80% of the time when I put F down on the blanket she crys. I totally think she is trying to manipulate me. I am trying more and more to give her more independent time.

I usually let her chill if she is just fussing but if it goes to an all out big cry I will slowly go get her.

chocoholicchick

I have no idea when babies make the connection.  However, I can tell you that DS really only cried for food or when he was overtired before we left for my mom's.  11 days with grandparents constantly holding him and giving him undivided attention, and DS is a completely different baby who actually whines now.  I am giving him a pass until his cold goes away since he just got his first one when we got back home from the holidays.  After that, I have no clue what I will do if he continues the pattern. 

ladybear06

I'm curious about this too.  DD is very good at getting her way.  If she wants to be picked up or wants a bottle it has to be RIGHT THEN. There is no grey area for her, it's either her way or a fit.  I mean arched back, screaming, kicking, she even started a sad little army crawl where she puts her face to the floor and looks up at you while she scoots towards you.  It's so pathetic that you can't not pick her up right away.

cfisher2008

ladybear06:

I'm curious about this too.  DD is very good at getting her way.  If she wants to be picked up or wants a bottle it has to be RIGHT THEN. There is no grey area for her, it's either her way or a fit.  I mean arched back, screaming, kicking, she even started a sad little army crawl where she puts her face to the floor and looks up at you while she scoots towards you.  It's so pathetic that you can't not pick her up right away.

Sorry to laugh but that's pretty funny! DD does something similar- she doesn't do the army crawl but she'll put her head down on her arms, cry, then look at me. She's a drama queen sometimes.

Anyway, Gym, I have no idea. When DD is fussy during playtime bc she's bored, I give her differnt toys. If that doesn't work, I'll sit on the floor and play with her. I had to do this the other day while arguing with my insurance company. i=If she still fusses, I check to see if she needs a diaper change, to eat, or take a nap. I'm slowly trying to get her to be more independent with as few tears as possible.

jcappelluti

MommaA117:

80% of the time when I put F down on the blanket she crys. I totally think she is trying to manipulate me. I am trying more and more to give her more independent time.

I usually let her chill if she is just fussing but if it goes to an all out big cry I will slowly go get her.

This exactly

JsMama11

MommaA117:

80% of the time when I put F down on the blanket she crys. I totally think she is trying to manipulate me. I am trying more and more to give her more independent time.

I usually let her chill if she is just fussing but if it goes to an all out big cry I will slowly go get her.

Same here. I'm working on it.

kas80

Now that they are working on crawling, pulling up and later walking they have to be left on the floor to work on the skills.  Even if they get unhappy (to a certain extent).  When I was a baby my mom and our nanny held me all the time and I didn't walk until I was almost 2.  She took me to the dr thinking something was wrong with me and he was like ummm dumbass, how is she going to learn to walk if she is NEVER put down so she can learn?

My LO fusses a lot unless I get on the floor and play with her and/or sing songs thugh she will play independantly for about 15 minutes or so unless she's having a fussy day.

LollyBug18

I think it's definitely starting for our LO's. Emma is horribly impatient when it comes to being fed, she lets out these blood-curdling screams. While we're in the privacy of our own home, I'm working with her on it by not responding immediately with a spoonful of food. I'm working on my knee-jerked reaction to snap at her by trying my best to talk to her in a calm, even tone, looking her directly in the eyes. I don't want to be the mom yelling at my kid to shut up in the restaurant or grocery store even if she's causing a scene. If she's fussing to be entertained, she's pretty good at getting over it after a little while.

mari_gold

I don't know that manipulating is the right way to consider it. Until babies can move around on their own, they have no way to respond to boredom or loneliness other than crying. It won't hurt them to wait a few minutes, but it's not like you have to actively foil their evil plot to rule your world.

amberpro

I don't know, but I'll say it's much harder to ignore a mobile baby. I was never one to rush over when he cried, but now he'll cry as he crawls to me then either put his head down on my feet, or try to climb up my leg. What do you do with that except pick them up??

I will also say that although I don't think C knows I'm "mama", he sure as anything knows it gets a reaction. When he's mad he yells "mama"!  So I do think they are old enough to know if I cry, someone will give me what I want. Whether or not that's manipulative, I don't know.  

MLF135

I think they are smarter than we think...you can tell because even before DS was mobile, if he was laying on the floor crying and i reached down to pick him up, all I had to do was touch his sides as if i were going to pick him up and he stopped crying. 

Now that he is mobile, he crawls to me and reaches his hands in the air while crying for me to pick him up.  Most of the time I'm a sucker and I pick him up but lately its become excessive so i'm trying to let him fuss a little or distract him to not create a spoiled baby who has to be held all the time. I also think this age might be the time that seperation anxiety starts, so that could be part of it too.

Turtle143

chocoholicchick:

I have no idea when babies make the connection.  However, I can tell you that DS really only cried for food or when he was overtired before we left for my mom's.  11 days with grandparents constantly holding him and giving him undivided attention, and DS is a completely different baby who actually whines now.  I am giving him a pass until his cold goes away since he just got his first one when we got back home from the holidays.  After that, I have no clue what I will do if he continues the pattern. 

Exactly this! Liv was definitely overstimulated and paid too much attention to during the holidays. She has a cold now and I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully our LOs haven't been completely reprogrammed.