Experiences of a red shirting family...

howleyshell

Since so many of you put up with my endless angst over making this decision and some of you expressed being in the same boat I thought I'd share our experience so far and will update again with my observations next year in case they are of value to anyone.

At the beginning of the school year I was confident in our decision to red shirt (end of July birthday, academically ready but emotionally/socially a very timid kid).

Now that we're thru the first semester I really do think we made the right decision.  The interesting thing is that he is SO different in December than he was even in August.  Honestly if there was a middle of the year class start I would probably be considering it.

But... I'm not sure how much of his growth and evolution has been natural development and how much of it is owed to the school we have him in.  Because he couldn't repeat public pre-school at his age we put him in a private learning center/ daycare.  I can't speak highly enough of it.  In a few short months he's far surpassed what he was doing in public preschool.  He's in a class full of summer birthday kids and his actual academic times are spent in a small group with a 1:5 ratio.  It's been wonderful! 

His fine motor skills have improved by leaps and bounds.  I really think this is more developmental as we practiced writing and fine motor activities quite a bit at home.  I'm amazed at his writing and sounding out words to spell them.  He wrote a letter to santa one day when I was doing laundry with no help and I could actually read it and figure out what most of the words were.  Last year he didn't have the confidence to even attempt to write words other than his name.

HIs social skills are a work in progress.  Being exposed to other kids longer is leading to all kinds of encounters we just didn't see in half day pre-school and it's giving us lots of opportunities to discuss how to handle different situations, stick up for yourself, encourage everyone to play together, handle "you're not my friend any more" drama, etc.   These kinds of interactions still don't come as naturally to him as they do to some of his peers but I can see the light bulb starting to click on for him.  I notice that he seems more confident in larger social settings.

The big shocker is that his timidity is becoming less pronounced.  This was a 5 yr old who wouldn't go down slides at some parks.  This winter he's taken to sledding with vigor where last year he wouldn't even step close to the thing while his younger brother was racing for another run.

Over all he's a more confident kid now.  I think that he could have survived Kindy this year but I think it would have been a struggle for him.  Now I feel like he's going to go into Kindy next year with the confidence and skill set that his older peers were demonstrating last summer.  He LOVES school and that was my main goal - to set him up for a positive experience where he felt like he could handle the work load.

He really just did need the "gift of time" to catch up and I'm glad he won't be starting every school year 6+ months behind his peers socially.   How he is now is how I saw his pre-school friends last year during the second semester so I feel like he's "on track" for what his peer group will be next year now.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - if it had been my younger one I would have sent him in a heart beat.  He's fearless and would handle being the youngest just fine.  This was just the right choice for this particular personality type and so far I'm glad we made it. 

I think he'll always be a bit behind his age group emotionally/socially so having him a year back should make him fit in just fine! 

 

anna7602

It's great that you were able to do that. Our school district seems to be very strict about this and the private school options are really cost-prohibitive. It's almost easier to just try to TTC with a specific birth date in mind!

schnappycat

Can I ask which center he is in now? I'm less than thrilled with DS's preschool experience so far and am considering looking into other options for next year. I doubt I'll make a switch because he is receiving speech services now, but I'm keeping an open mind.

That's great he is doing so well! I don't think we will need to worry about redshirting, but it's good to read a positive report.

 

 

howleyshell

schnappycat:

Can I ask which center he is in now? 

YGPM!! 

howleyshell

anna7602:

It's almost easier to just try to TTC with a specific birth date in mind!

As someone who struggled with infertility I can't begin to tell you how awesome it would be to have the option to TTC aiming for a certain birth date!

Honestly though I was totally ignorant about all this cut off date stuff back when we were TTC.  It never occurred to me that a certain birthdate could become a factor in school stuff.  Just never even crossed my mind!

 

UpNorthGal

Glad to hear it is working out well! Thanks for taking the time to write the follow up post. I am observing others' experiences to see how this decision did or did not work out for various families as we'll need to make this decision next year (yes, I think I may just worry to much). If DS goes to Kindergarten "on time" he would be two weeks shy of 5 (thanks to the Dec 1 cutoff). He is by no means a timid kid, but he is small for his age and I worry about the social/emotional issues that go along with that. Holding him to start K as a 5-going-on-6-year-old may be the better solution for us too.

Pesky

Glad to hear that!  I'm reading Boys Adrift and am more open to the possibility of red-shirting DS if I feel he is not ready.  He's very bright but also very active so we'll see when the time comes.  Good to hear a positive experience from it.  I would love to know what school too!

Jen&Len

Glad to hear it's working out.  DS won't be red shirting, technically because of the earlier cutoff date in our public school, but he misses the cutoff by a few days, so he will be one of the oldest kids in his grade.  I think socially, that extra year will be great for him.

April37

howleyshell:

I've said it before and I'll say it again - if it had been my younger one I would have sent him in a heart beat.  He's fearless and would handle being the youngest just fine.  This was just the right choice for this particular personality type and so far I'm glad we made it. 

I think you make such a good point here.  It really is a decision that you need to make according to each individual child.  It's so important to look at more than just a child's age.

This isn't going to be a factor for our family but I have so much respect for families that make these types of educated decisions according to what is best for their children. Glad to hear it's worked out well!

franciscaz

 I had a feeling when you did decide it was right for your son.  

I will be grappling with this issue in a few years with my twins and I really appreciate everyone's experiences with either going forward or staying back!

futrkingsley

My boy has an early July birthday and the cut-off here for K will be Oct. 1st that year (it's moving to Sep. 1st a month at a time).  So he'll be among the youngest in his class when he starts kindy at 5 and change.  I worry about him in a class with kids who are fully 6 but I worry more about keeping him back.  He's very tall -- as tall at 3.5 years old as his 6 year old cousins and physically he needs to be around kids who have a passing chance at being as big as he is.  He's been in Montessori half day preschool three days a week for a year and now goes 4 days with one longer day a week and that longer day really illuminated social stuff in ways the half day didn't similar to what you found for your son.  I ended up talking to child psychologist about it and she said the half day preschool, even every day, is so structured even in the loosest settings that kids aren't really forced to do the social stuff like we assume.  It's all from one thing to the next -- story time, snack.  Outside, wash hands, circle time and go home.  It's that extra afternoon time that really pushes kid's past their boundaries and reveals their weaknesses socially.  I'm glad we are doing it now instead of later so that we have time to work on the weaknesses now, before it involves trips to the principals office or crying at kinder.  Can't wait to hear more of your reports!

 

Court0026

Thanks for sharing your experience!  It is always nice to see when parent's intuition proves true. Good for your son too!  Great to see so much growth in such a short amount of time!