Will this hurt me in the end?

monpetitechouchou01

I've yet to respond to the Ex's one attempt to contact me (via email) regarding the baby's future. This attempt was made after I landed in the hospital because of him and after he tried to bully me into getting an abortion. The last I knew was that he wanted an abortion or else he would take the baby away from me. 

Should respond? His one attempt was polite and completely different from how he treated me the last time I saw him. I've been told that I should have gotten a protective order. However, I didn't want him to have more of a reason to come after me and be more angry. This would have had to be reported to his job and lets just say that he's a prominent person in his field. It would have hurt him tremendously professionally.  

Will not responding hurt me in court? Will it look like I prevented him from being a part of the pregnancy? I let him know about the appointments (only because we would be in public and because I was afraid of what I just mentioned). He did not show up. His only contact with me was regarding child support, visitation and what I planned to do. Im nervous because I know he can afford the best lawyers out there. I've been told that he would never get full custody but I'm wondering if he might be able to get partial? I was also willing to tell him no to child support but I've come to realize that this will not make him leave me alone. Besides, day care near me is a whopping $2,400 per month! If it weren't for this crazy number I'd be able to do it alone. 

 I'm so confused and I feel as if I have his one attempt at contact looming over my head.  So far I've patiently sat on it until the pain, anger and drama subsided. 

DarthNBJenni

No, it won't hurt you in the end.

And WTF at $2,400 a month in daycare! That's more than I take home in a month as a teacher. They better be feeding your child gold encrusted crackers, and taking field trips in jet planes.  

turtle1120

No, it won't hurt you.  There's no law or requirement that you let him be involved in the pregnancy.  He doesn't have a right to be there when the baby is born either.  He also doesn't have a right to see the child until he takes you to court for visitation. 

So, if you feel the best thing for you and your baby is to not have him involved, then don't.  You can still file for child support, but it will be up to him to seek visitation.

DaringMiss

Emails get lost all the time.   If he were truly desperate to be involved with the pregnancy, he could contact you through a lawyer.

mdotm0904

DarthNBJenni:

And WTF at $2,400 a month in daycare! That's more than I take home in a month as a teacher. They better be feeding your child gold encrusted crackers, and taking field trips in jet planes.  

lol this made me giggle. but seriously, $2400 DAMMMMMMMNNNN!

FyreFlyeRush

You can block him out completely during your pregnancy and it won't hurt you during court. Men do NOT have a right to your pregnancy. PERIOD. The baby and the woman are considered one being until birth. Roe v Wade. Once the child is born...things may change depending on your state, and you should make every effort to follow the state's visitation laws, etc, just to make it look like you're cooperating.

2400/month for child care seems a little extreme. At 250$/week, which is above average, it's only 1000. The average American doesn't even take HOME 2400/month. Shop around.

monpetitechouchou01

Thank you! My main concern was that not responding to his email now would look as if I wasn't willing to cooperate. I'd love to have it as amicable as possible but he treated me so badly when I gave him the opportunity the first time. Right now, things have gotten better now that he's out of my life. I was so incredibly happy and everything I'd worked hard for I'd finally achieved. I loved (and still love) my family and friends.... and I'm back to that point. BUT if I begin long drawn out email interactions with him I'm afraid it'll turn ugly and right now I simply want to be happy about this pregnancy. All of the drama he brought at the beginning really made me sad and lonely and I fight those emotions on a daily basis. I don't want another reason to feel that way and talking to him will provide me with that.

appylovee

I would NOT respond. From what you are saying, how he normally acts, this could cause a possible threat and danger to you and your unborn child. Which as of right now is considered ONE person. Like a previous poster said, he has NO rights to the pregnancy, once you give birth, that could be another story. In the state of RI (where I live) The father has no legal rights to the child or mandatory visition, UNTIL you have custody settled in court. BUT I do know it is different is EVERY state.

 I'm sure as a single parent you could try to get state assistance for daycare ($2400 is outragous!)  I don't make close to that a month!
You need to sit down with a social worker or whatever your state provides, or even a lawyer, and figure out what is best for you and the baby. I know every state is different and every situation is different. If he has a history of being violent, make it known.