Been crying for 3 hours straight
bunnymama625
member
Not the baby, me.
Went for Cammie's 6 month checkup- everyone said how cute she was-- she grew an inch, head perfect size-- she performed every developmental check as he did them and flirted with the doctor-- he even offered to take her off our hands after saying he'd only had boys himself and thought girls were fun.
Through all of this I had snot and tears pouring down my face.
I knew she hadn't gained much weight-- I thought about a pound, maybe less. So I had prepared myself to discuss getting her more calories somehow.
She LOST an ounce in the last 2 months.
He said he wasn't worried, but we need to give her another bottle per day- and flat out told me I could go ahead and stop nursing. He then used the 2 lines I wanted to hear the least- "you made it 6 months, that's great" and "I was formula fed and turned out fine!". I know he was trying to make me feel better (I was on my 3rd tissue) but it just wasn't what I needed to hear.
I posted on the Human Milk for Human Babies board- I'm hoping to find a donor. If we can't we will just run through the bit I have in the freezer then make that extra bottle from formula when the freezer stash runs out.
I'm just heartbroken- and ANGRY- I didn't expect to be angry-- I'm mad at DH for racking up so much debt that I HAD to go back to work, I'm mad at the doctor for suggesting I give up nursing, I'm mad at myself for not pumping more on maternity leave-- I'm just MAD.
DH went to go get me ice cream and chocolate. I'm totally pulling the teenage girl breakup ritual. I debated telling him to get me a tub of cream cheese frosting...
For those of you who have already gone through this, how long did the grieving process take? I want to know when I'm going to start to feel better b/c this SUCKS.
Cream Cheese frosting if you made it to the end
Re: Been crying for 3 hours straight
First off, ::Hugs::
Second, call a LC. Or your local LLL chapter.
I would say, though, nurse as much as you can at home. Maybe even dream feed in the middle of the night. When you're at home, take a few days to spend all day in bed and nurse, nurse, nurse to hopefully increase your supply. Have you tried oatmeal, fenugreek (sp?), all that other stuff that's supposed to help supply?
Oh man, I would feel the exact same way as you. I'm sorry I haven't gotten to know everyone on the board yet (I'm new), but is this a supply issue? I've heard BF babies scream up the weight charts in the first 4 months and then level off. And if she grew an inch she's GROWING she just didn't put on weight. Mobility also plays a factor.
All this to say you don't have to give up no matter what the ped said and you're doing a great job. Maybe last time she had been weighed she was backed up and this time she wasn't. I dunno. Lots of factors! Keep your chin up!
To add: And if you want to switch to formula, that's OK too
Oh I'm not giving up- I've tried every herb, tea, food out there. I've got a great lactation cookie recipe if anyone needs it. Nothing helped, or helped for a couple days, then stopped.
I've ordered Domperidone and I'm stalking the USPS site where I track it. I'm hoping it helps- if not, I'm just going to keep up with my 5 times daily pumping and obsessive nursing when I'm home, and if we have to add on to that, so be it.
DH just got home with chewy chips ahoy- I've made it through the first section...
For me, I was heartbroken about giving up BFing due to supply issues for about 2 months. It's a grieving process, a loss, just like anything else. I finally reached the "acceptance" stage when I saw how much happier DD was, and subsequently how much happier I was, by switching to formula (slowly). Now looking back, I honestly wonder why I had such a hard time giving BFing up, though I know I felt really disappointed in myself. There's some things in life though you can't control no matter how much you want to or how hard you try.
If you really don't want to do formula, I definitely think the milk bank is a good idea.
P.S.--Can I have your lactation cookie recipe?
Ingredients
1 cup of butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons flaxseed meal
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups of flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups of oatmeal
2 tablespoons of brewers yeast
1 tablespoon of black strap molasses (optional)
1 cup of chocolate chips (I ignore this part...the secret of making it so good is to improvise this part. The batch you guys got was 1/2 cup semi sweetened choc chips, half a bag of hershey kisses and peanut butter cups)
Preheat oven to 375
mix 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal and water, set aside for 3 to 5 minutes
Cream the butter and sugar
add eggs and molasses
stir in the flaxseed into butter mix and add vanilla
beat until well blended
in a separate container, add in the flour, salt, brewer's yeast and baking soda, mix it up
add the dry ingredients to the mix
put in the oats, than the chocolate
mix until thick
grease up the cookie sheets and put in for 8-12 minutes
Just a note-- I didn't think it had enough chocolate, but that's me, and the flax makes it taste a little off, so I'd leave that out next time for myself.
They seemed to work best if I made small batches (I froze ziplocs of dough) and ate 5-7 a day.
I'm so sorry hon! I wish I had words to make you feel better. Unfortunately I don't. Everything I can say you've already heard a thousand times over, I'm sure.
Good luck and knwo that so long as you are feeding your child, you are not a failure and have not failed her in any way shape or form!
I'm so sorry. I felt the same way when I had to start supplementing some. For me, it boiled down to it being a pride thing. I KNEW formula wouldn't hurt her. I KNEW a few oz of formula a day didn't mean I was done nursing (and it doesn't for you either!) but I hated the fact that my body couldn't do something that it was designed to do 100%.
You haven't failed. Your baby is beautiful and thriving. You aren't done nursing, and since you'll be nursing just as often, just adding in an extra bottle to replace what you were taking from the freezer, this kind of supplementing shouldn't do damage to your supply. Also, I'm assuming she's getting some solids now? My big reason for not wanting to supplement at all was the changes it makes to a baby's natural flora in their tummy. But feeding solids has already changed that, and her gut should be matured/closed by 6 months anyway, so iron absorption isn't an issue.
For me, it was like going back to work. The first few days sucked, and I cried. But it got easier, I promise!
If you want to look into how much it would cost to ship, Ill send you my stash. I cant use what is frozen as Avery is either lactose/milk protein intolerant. I think I have between 200-400oz. If you are interested let me know and I will get an exact amount. It would be from Ohio. It has been in a deep freeze. The oldest is back from July and as recent as October. I killed my stash from October and November when I was hospitalized and since then havent frozen anything. I know the milk may not be the best fit age wise, but figured I would offer.
Im sorry. My supply has tanked. I got so used to having a surplus and have spent the past 2 months trying to maintain enough for him. I am barely skating by. Christmas day I was in tears that I was going to starve him because I was producing next to nothing. I pumped every hour for 20 minutes all day long. It sucked. It helped a little, but still not great. I broke down and bought our first thing of formula. Havent had to crack it open. My supply has actually come up a little since buying the formula. I think knowing that I have a way to feed him makes me relax and not stress as much.
Hugs. I'm so sorry. I went through the same thing at 4 months when my supply seriously tanked. At 6 months, the pediatrician said the same thing "you made it to 6 months," when we asked about Reglan, and he said the risk to Liv just isn't worth it. Our dr didn't suggest giving up but he said to just do what I can for as long as I can. That is, BF then supplement with as much formula as would satisfy Liv. We weren't making good progress in %ile with BF alone and even though my heart broke, in the end I was able convince myself that this isn't about me, it's about Liv getting the nutrition she needs to grow healthy.
I honestly am still grieving about it. Everyday I see us getting real close to the day when we won't be BF at all. The hardest part for me was when she would root for me and then I offer and she'd squirm in my arms, very angry because she was hardly getting anything. That used to always make me cry. I don't know when I started to feel a little better about it but I think it's safe to say it will get easier with time for you too. Or at least I hope so.
I still BF now but probably about 5 times a day and I pump just before going to bed. I get about an ounce every 2 hours when I do pump, sometimes less than an ounce but I don't feel as bad as I used to.
Hang in there. It will get easier with time. You've done your best and I know you'll continue to do so whatever it takes.