Attachment Parenting

RP: If you have 2+ children

DS1 has been doing great with DS2.  He is very interested in him, tries to be helpful and seems to like having him around.  He also has been really good with sharing both DH and me.  The major issue we are having is with DS1's sleep.  He started having sleep problems before DS2 was actually born.  With the holidays and DH took some vacation time, DS1's sleep schedule has been all over the place.  Then when I went to the hospital, he's had lots of visitors, DH didn't keep our schedule.  Now DS1 is always overtired, not napping well and not wanting to go to bed at night.Have you experienced anything like this when you brought your second child home?  How long did it take for your older child to adjust?  Any thoughts or suggestions?  TIA! 
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Re: RP: If you have 2+ children

  • Well I can't offer advice I can say I'm right there with you!  DD1 is sleeping fine at night but is waking up at 5AM everyday!  UGH!  She also decided that naps are no longer for her but being 19 months, that's not acceptable!  Naps are slowly coming back.  The one thing I did to help the "no nap" cycle was to change up our routine for a few days then jump back into the old routine.  

    The ONLY reason I did that was because she started screaming when I left her in her room for a nap and that became her new routine.  So I stopped doing that and took her for a long walk for naps without trying her usual nap routine first. I did that for 4 days then tried our usual nap routine and it worked!  She's napping as I type this - thank goodness!

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  • I would think it's less related to the baby and more related to the totally effed up schedule.  We go through phases like this with the holidays, visitors, etc.  The best thing you can do is just move bedtime back by 30 mins or so every night while sticking to the bedtime routine until DS is back on schedule.  If naps are bad I always try for the nap at the same time every day but don't get into a battle.  He gets back on schedule within a few days.
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  • YES!  Callum did this exact same thing when Eleanor was born.  I shouldn't complain too much as he was otherwise (and still is) great with her but the sleep...sorry I don't have better news!

    It took us a while (as in months) to get totally back to where we were.  And then we had another set back a few months later with two year molars.  And are in the middle of another right now (which I think is related to the fact that Eleanor is crawling and "playing" and being so much more than a sleeping lump now).

    Callum was a little older when Eleanor was born but about a month in I gave up on naps.  He probably still could have used one but it was becoming such a huge drain on me to try to get him to sleep - and then to stress when we didn't.  Instead, we made bedtime much earlier (sometimes really early like before 7) and that has seemed to work fine.  Now he sleeps from about 7 or 8 until 7 or so.  And even though we've hit another night waking patch, the bedtime battle has mostly ended.

    I think it also helped to switch up who put which kid to bed.  For a long time, DH was always putting Callum to bed (which he had done prior to E unless he was working), but I think Callum needed to see that I was there for him too.  Of course the nights DH work...yeah, those sucked!

    I also feel like it was important to still respond to him in the night.  Eleanor sleeps with me and I didn't want him to feel replaced (even though he'd been in his own bed for like a year and half).  For a while, I let him sleep on the floor in my room in his little tent when he woke up (if he wanted to) - that actually started out of desperation when DH was at work but it worked well and he stopped needing it.

    Good luck!  Having two is lots of fun even if the sleep sucks sometimes!


  • My son is about the same age, and he's been having sleep issues as well. Obviously not from a new baby, since it's been nearly a year since I brought home his sister. Smile

    For us I'm noticing it's a touch of separation anxiety coming back. He just wants me to stay with him. He was going to sleep well for about 4 months in his own bed, but all of a sudden he started getting really clingy to me lately. We started bedsharing again because it helps him STTN. Might be something to consider while he gets through this phase if you're not opposed to that.

    GL and hope it passes soon.

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  • THanks for ur replies.  It got me thinking and DS1 definitely has been more clingy even before Ds2 was born.  He usually is all over me and wanting to be carried held all day.  So having DS2 around has cut into our cuddle time.  Tonight I stayed with DS1 and cuddled with him until he slept.  It took 1.5 hours but still less than the past couple of nights and no screaming/crying.  I think he just needed that time with me.  I'm going to keep trying that and then try to get him back on track to going to bed without too much help.  
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