I don't want child support

theonlyhenry2

I just want him to go away. I just found out my boyfriend of more than two years has been seeing another woman for a little over a year. He broke up with me a week after I found out I was pregnant in October and I had no idea about her. I moved from WI to PA to be with family as I had no support system in WI. He told me he wanted to work it out and he came to visit me one weekend in November. However, I found out about this girl a few weeks ago by accident and I finally talked to her yesterday.

Apparently, he told her I was a drunken one-night stand that just happened to get pregnant and he begged her to forgive him. He has been painting this picture that I'm crazy and I sleep around, when really the only time I could have accidentally gotten pregnant was the night of our two-year anniversary in September.

I told him in the beginning that I wanted 100% involvement from him, or nothing at all. Now after two years of lying about who he is and who he was involved with, he threatened an expensive custody battle. I just want him to go away. He's caused so many problems for my unborn baby and I already. My parents fought in brutal custody battles when I was a kid. I don't want my baby to go through that. I don't trust him or know him at all. My mom had shacked up with someone she didn't know when I was a kid, and he molested my sisters and I. I cannot stand not knowing anything about him after I thought I knew him so well for two years.

Then there's the case that if I don't go after him for child support, it'll be difficult to receive benefits. I am so, so stuck. Has anyone been in this position? I just want him to give up and go away!

I understand he's the father, but he chose this other woman over me and the baby. He didn't break up with her, he broke up with the baby and I. I told him I couldn't stay in WI. I have no support out there. I don't want my innocent child being pulled across the country because he feels like just now he has a right to the child that he tried to force me to abort.  

JCGreene85

The one big thing that I wish I had done during my pregnancy was ignore my EX 100%. I let all his threats over lawyers, custody, child support get to me for months until I was about 6 months along and told him not to contact me anymore. I told him if something happened, I would E-mail him to let him know. I didn't talk to him until I told him I was being schedule for a c-section in 2 days. Do yourself a favor and do not have any contact with him. I know you are hurt, and stressed but the ONE thing that matters is keeping yourself stress free and having a healthy pregnancy. Once that baby is born file for child support immediately and then let him file for visitation. 

He will threaten for custody just to p!ss you off. Do not worry about it until the baby comes. You were never married so he wont have any rights until he acknowledges paternity.

The child support is to be used towards the baby so please do not rob your child from an even better upbringing just because you and your EX can't get along. If you dont NEED the money put it in a college savings plan or a savings fund for LO's first car. Even if he decides he doesn't want any visitation, you are still entitled  to CS but you have to file first.  

achase123

You're trying to make major life decisions when you're on an emotional roller coaster.  You are not thinking rationally, at all.  I get it. You're angry, you're upset.  However, you also have time to calm down and sort all of this out before baby gets here.  Hopefully by then you will come to your senses. Child support isn't for YOU.  It's for your child.  If you think having him pay it means he has to be involved with LO then you're wrong.  CS and visitation are two separate issues.

You also should go where you have the most support.  If your family is across the country then I would move.  He's threatening you because he thinks he can bully you into doing what he wants.  Don't let him.  See a lawyer and know your rights.  You really need to pull it together, sooner, rather than later.  Go to a counselor and talk about all of what you're going through.  But you need to be strong for your child.

theonlyhenry2

Thank you, ladies. I've calmed down. I told him I'll file for child support and he can file for visitation if he wants. This has been very emotional for me as I had parents who hated each other from the day I was born. I just don't want that kind of hurt for my baby. He has been so, so very selfish. It's overwhelming. I want to be amicable with him if he wants to be a dad, but I'm secretly hoping he just stays in Wisconsin and leaves my kid alone.

septmom11

My ex told me if i filed for child support then he would file for custody.  So basically what he was saying was that he didnt want anything to do with his child unless he had to pay.  I am now in the process of filing for child support.  He will have to have a stable home environment and be able to provide for a child in order to get custody.  My child is now 4 months old and her father has never met her even though he has been welcomed to ( he also hasnt given a dime yet becuase he hasnt been forced)

The moral of my rant is he is probably just threatening you with custody so that you wont file for support.  Dont fall for it.

FyreFlyeRush

Pretty much what PP have said. Once you calm down, you may change your mind. IDK why they do it, but almost all men will threaten to file for custody if they have to pay child support. OK, file. It's almost impossible to get custody if the parents have never lived together or dated during the child's life. It's hard to get custody if they HAVE lived together. Also, if you're on assistance, most states file on your behalf. In order to receive Medicaid, I had to fill out paper work and they turned it over to the AG. I would have done it anyway, but I think it spend things up.

blush64

If this is a man you think is a danger to your child I wouldn't even have him sign the birth certificate, I would write unknown. I wouldn't ask for support and I wouldn't let him know when the baby was born or have anything to do with him.

If he isn't a danger then I think you need to wait until you are in a better place to decide what you want to do. Support would be really helpful was you raise your child and if he could be a good parent it benefits the child so much...that is IF he is a good parent.

 

appylovee

I know it varies from state to state, but I was in the hospital two weeks ago, and a social worker came in to chate with me. My ex has turned into a crazy, verbally abusive, drug addicted pyscho path since I found out I was pregnant. The social worker told me, that in RI, if you are not married, and the father isn't at the hospital for the birth, he will not be able to go on the birth certificate. As long as you don't want child support, that is the way to go. If you do and you don't put him on the birth certificate, you have to sue him for a paternity test. My ex is NOT going on the bc, and I am not going after him for cs. I can get assistance still (from the state) if I qualify by my earnings. According to the state, if he isn't on the bc, it's not like your saying, I don't need the cs, it's saying the father isn't in the picture at all. Definatly go talk to a social worker about your situation, in your state. I have also been dealing with alot of stress, until I cut him out of my life for good. I have him blocked (text & phone), and I have a no contact (not a restraining order) on him. He has been stalking me, and showing up at my work and causing scenes, so I called the police on him. They have already told him he can not try to contact me, and if he does again, he will go to jail.

 Do everything in your power to keep him out of your life, if that is what you want, and you think it is best for you & your baby. Everyones situation is different.) You don't need the added stress while pregnant. I hope this helps you out in some way. It's the advice the social worker gave me (for my situation.)