What to do when you and friend like same name?

aurorableu

This is for a friend. I already have my name picked out and nothing will change it.

But what would you do (or have you done) if you and a friend like the same name?

My BFF is 28 weeks and a friend of her's is 30 weeks. BFF really likes the name "Nolan" for her son but her baby brain made her forget that she first heard the name from her friend that is 30 weeks. So now she and her DH don't have a boy name they. They are waiting to see if the friend uses it. The friend has decided not to find out gender until birth and has a list of names (3 boy and 3 girl) and Nolan is at the top.

 What would you do?

Pearl16

Whoever has a boy first may use the name first and also be prepared that their friend's son (or a future son) may also have the same name. You can't claim a name. If she doesn't want their sons to have the same name, she should prepare a backup name.

TheWop

Pearl16:

Whoever has a boy first may use the name first and also be prepared that their friend's son (or a future son) may also have the same name. You can't claim a name. If she doesn't want their sons to have the same name, she should prepare a backup name.

This! 

BackseatDriver

I think it would depend on how much I like the name and the conditions under which my friend told me. If she was reluctant to share in the first place I feel like it might be a betrayal and my friendship wouldn't be worth it. For a MN I think it would still be okay. If friend just casually mentioned it and doesn't use it, I might use it unless it had some special significance for her. I think the most popular trendy names definitely up for grabs.

Jessa1807

I think if it is your favorite name, then you use it.  Is she worried it will offend her friend, or just be strange if their kids have the same name? 

EastCoastBride

Pearl16:

Whoever has a boy first may use the name first and also be prepared that their friend's son (or a future son) may also have the same name. You can't claim a name. If she doesn't want their sons to have the same name, she should prepare a backup name.

PRetty much this.

And to what BackseatDriver said - I guess it also depends on how close of a friend they are, how much the kids will be around each other, etc. 

But people need to get off this idea that a name is "theirs" and NO ONE else they might possibly know can ever use that name either.

aurorableu

She doesn't want to offend the friend AND she thinks it will be strange since they will be so close in age.

My advice to her was that to just claim the name. The other friend has alternatives and it doesn't have any special significance to her. They aren't super close and I can't imagine that they would stop being friends over a baby name.

We picked the name Jackson when we got married and our close friends then named their dog Jackson. Then before we found out what we were having another friend named her son Jax. We are still naming our son Jackson. I'm just wondering if my stance is too harsh/rude.

kelnyc

aurorableu:

She doesn't want to offend the friend AND she thinks it will be strange since they will be so close in age.

My advice to her was that to just claim the name. The other friend has alternatives and it doesn't have any special significance to her. They aren't super close and I can't imagine that they would stop being friends over a baby name.

We picked the name Jackson when we got married and our close friends then named their dog Jackson. Then before we found out what we were having another friend named her son Jax. We are still naming our son Jackson. I'm just wondering if my stance is too harsh/rude.

Not good advice. She (or anyone else) has zero right to "claim" a name. She can say that all she wants, but the friend can (and probably should) give her the side eye and name the kid Nolan anyway.

EastCoastBride

aurorableu:

She doesn't want to offend the friend AND she thinks it will be strange since they will be so close in age.

My advice to her was that to just claim the name. The other friend has alternatives and it doesn't have any special significance to her. They aren't super close and I can't imagine that they would stop being friends over a baby name.

We picked the name Jackson when we got married and our close friends then named their dog Jackson. Then before we found out what we were having another friend named her son Jax. We are still naming our son Jackson. I'm just wondering if my stance is too harsh/rude.

Well, I think the point most of us are making is that no one, even a person who uses a name, can't "claim" a name.

If your friend REALLY likes it but doesn't want to "steal" it, then she can talk to her friend.  Just a casual "hey - we love Nolan and are thinking of using it too.  Would that bother you?" (of course - if the answer is "yes" AND the friend goes w/ Nolan... well, then your friend is kind of backed into a corner.)

If it's not special to the friend, that might actually sway her to not use it.

guilletskichuk

TheWop:

Pearl16:

Whoever has a boy first may use the name first and also be prepared that their friend's son (or a future son) may also have the same name. You can't claim a name. If she doesn't want their sons to have the same name, she should prepare a backup name.

This! 

Yup!

BlindysWife

kelnyc:

aurorableu:

She doesn't want to offend the friend AND she thinks it will be strange since they will be so close in age.

My advice to her was that to just claim the name. The other friend has alternatives and it doesn't have any special significance to her. They aren't super close and I can't imagine that they would stop being friends over a baby name.

We picked the name Jackson when we got married and our close friends then named their dog Jackson. Then before we found out what we were having another friend named her son Jax. We are still naming our son Jackson. I'm just wondering if my stance is too harsh/rude.

Not good advice. She (or anyone else) has zero right to "claim" a name. She can say that all she wants, but the friend can (and probably should) give her the side eye and name the kid Nolan anyway.

Um yeah. She cannot claim it, that's silly.

blu-eyedwife

I don't think you can claim names, but if I was your friend I'd have a backup name.  Both my friend and I were team green this summer and not sharing names.  She was due 2 months before me.  We had backup names for both boys and girls just in case.  There are enough names out there I didn't want our children to have the same name since they will surely grow up together.

sunnyday016

If it's going to ruin the friendship, I wouldn't push the issue. There are a lot of great names out there and I don't think it's worth souring a friendship over.

No one owns a name, but if by using it she'll be making things awkward or ruining a friendship...not worth it IMO. 

RosnyBelinda

I was in a similar situation when naming my second son but with my brother.  My brother was engaged at the time.  He and his fiance had dated years back, then broken up and were back together again.  When they dated the first time around, they talked about baby names if they ever got married and had children.  So when we came across the name Ryan, I was fully aware that "back in the day" they had talked about using it.  But my husband and I loved the name and my brother and his fiance weren't even married yet, let alone pregnant.  And what if they never had kids?  Or never had a boy?  Or changed their mind about the name once they were pregnant?  We decided to go ahead with the name.  And as a bonus, we didn't announce it until he was born so they had no clue we were even considering it.  When we told them the name, they were just like "We love it!  But just so you know, he'll have a cousin with the same name!"  We have no problem with that.  Recently, my SIL and I have been more open about sharing potential name options, I guess to avoid this happening again with future children.  I mean it would be a bit weird for us to have two children with the same names lol.  

If your friend absolutely loves the name, I think she should use it.  There is no "dibs" in baby naming.  That being said, if she'll feel guilty about using the name, she could choose to use it as a middle name instead, or use it as a first name but call the child by his middle name (or some other nickname).