How many kids?

TaylorandMel

Obviously things don't always happen like you would plan, but in an ideal world, how many kids would you have?  We always said two, maybe(!) three.  We planned to each carry one, and then wait and see about a third.  Obviously since we're having twins, God has a different plan than what we originally said.  So, now we're thinking into the future trying to decide what's best.

In a lot of ways two does seem like totally enough.  Especially when you consider the $$, time, and the 5 years it's taken to get pregnant.  But on the other hand it's hard to know if I'll look back and regret not getting pregnant too.

Any thoughts?

2brides

We always said two. Originally we were each going to carry, but L ended up having medical issues that made us decide that she wasn't ever going to TTC. When I got pregnant with twins, we knew we were done.  We've never wavered or thought about having another. Two is doable for us - emotionally, logistically, and financially.

Twinkler2011

We have decided on 4, hopefully. We have 2 daughters and are currently trying for #3. Each of us have 4 siblings in our family and we loved growing up with 3 other partners in crime.

LV1979

I would absolutely be thankful for one right at this moment, but ideally we would like 4.  We each want to carry one and then in the future maybe adopt an older sibling group.

Fabi&Nita

I (fabi) come from a family of 7 and Nita a family of 4. When we started to talk about our family, she wanted 2 and i want 4. But i think we will only have 2 maybe 3 if everything works out i will carry our next child and after we will see if we can have a 3rd and decide who will carry #3

leapgirl8

We've been in the plan-for-three, open-to-four camp for a while now. We each have two siblings and love that. But we're not committed to anything; we might be perfectly happy with just the twins, and stop there. We have a lot of things that we want to do once the kids are grown, so it might make sense to just have two. On the other hand, I do want to give my kids the same kind of thing I have with my siblings, and I think it's nice for adult children in larger families to be able to share the burden of aging parents. 

We'd always planned on each carrying if possible, but early on in this pregnancy I realized that I would be fine if I never get to be pregnant. There would be a certain amount of processing, and maybe mourning the loss of that experience, but it would be fine. We bought quite a few of our donor's vials in case he went off the market (and he did, almost immediately afterward), so we have plenty left to try for bio siblings. Just taking things as they come right now. 

Kershnic

We would like to have two.  This is one of (the many) things that makes me really afraid of having twins.  I love the babyhood phase and would like to have it two seperate times.  We are concerned that we couldn't afford to have more than two, and that we might be done if we had twins.  Who knows.  We've agreed to try for me getting pregnant with the first, and will decide later who should birth a second (or third? ).  Right now I'd be thrilled with one pregnancy of any variety.  

JoySeattle

I come from a blended family with 7 kids with my dad and 1 (much younger) sister with my mom. I've always wanted to have kids and thought that 4 sounded good. When I met C, she said 1, I said 4 and we compromised on 2. Our plan/goal is to have two, ideally about 3 years apart.

Similar to Kershnic, I worry that that twins (which run in my family) would mean only one pregnancy. It's important to me to experience pregnancy, ideally at least twice.

For years, I've wondered in the back of my mind if I could vie for a third bio and/or fostering at some point. Ultimately, it will depend on how/how long it takes to get pregnant (initially and subsequently). If I get pregnant easily and we had left over vials after the first two, I think it *could* sway things in my favor. For fostering, I think it would only be when our kids are older (7+) and might be limited to respite (ideally of newborn-two year old).

Duchess1

If I had my way we would have 6. However, unless there are some serious TTC miracles in store for us, I think we will probably have one more making it an even 4.  We are currently deciding if we should TTC or put ourselves back on the fost-adopt roller coaster.  

ball.and.chain

Two is our maximum -- unless I got pregnant with twins on the second try, of course -- or pregnant with triplets on the first try! (I hope not).  Keeping it small has to do with child-to-parent ratio, over-population concerns, and money, and on some level I wonder if one would be enough (and maybe after having one, I will feel that way).  But my wife and I are each very close to one of our sisters, and I would want to give my kids the benefit of that kind of relationship.  If I get pregnant with twins on the first try, we'll be done (and frankly, good riddance to the TTC process).

cookiemonster03

I'd like 4, DW is happy with 2. We originally planned irish twins, but that didn't quite work out.

I am still hoping to carry eventually, but I don't know if it'll happen. $$ doesn't grow on trees, and we are unsure about having kids 5+ yrs apart.

ctbride08

When we were in the planning stages I wanted 3 and DW wanted 2 - which of course meant that we'd have 3  

Now DW is all set at 3 and sometimes I am too.  Its a nice number and there are many reasons it would do us good to stay at 3 - not the least of which is that DW has already compromised to get here and I don't want to put her in over her head.  But, I've still got this nagging feeling in my heart that we arent quite complete...i'm not ready to be done with babies...

for financial reasons, we've decided to table the issue until Daisy is in preschool (2 years) then we'll make our final decision.  It may just end up being that we'll continue to foster without any intent to adopt

eta: the other thing i think about a lot when i think about this question is what is right for my kids.  Its not all about me and missing/loving babies...there is no honor in taking in more children if it leaves us strapped (finances, time, energy, patience, ect) and unable to provide the children we do have with the most positive life possible.

TryingToGrow

4-5 if finances work out like they are now and, God willing, it doesn't take us forever to get pregnant. J's thinking is: both of us refuse to only have one child, lol even if we have to adopt we will have more than one. Both of us want more than two though and with three you end up with the middle child syndrome, like me! haha where you never get paid attention to because of the baby and the oldest *pouts* Four seems like a good number for us though and if we end up having four girls J will absolutely try for a boy or adopt one and if we have all boys I WILL have my girl lol

Two*True

ctbride08:

eta: the other thing i think about a lot when i think about this question is what is right for my kids.  Its not all about me and missing/loving babies...there is no honor in taking in more children if it leaves us strapped (finances, time, energy, patience, ect) and unable to provide the children we do have with the most positive life possible.

Thank you for adding this part!  I'm really torn as to whether a second child is the 'right' thing for our first child.  I do want another child but my want is completely selfish. It's about my desire.  Is it really best for other people though?  I struggle with not wanting her to be an only child but I also struggle and not being able to give her enough if we are dividing our resources among two children.

Finances keep us for TTC again right now anyway but K's age also demands we not wait much longer.  It's a hard issue for me to discuss right now.

Meegs10.13.06

I wrote a whole blog post trying to sort out my feelings on this one, and I'm still not there yet. Before Gwen, I was sure 2 would be our magic number. Ideally 2 years apart.

Now? Well my babe is about to be 2 in Feb and we're still not sure that we're going to want another. We may be one and done. No decisions are being made yet, but we both feel pretty content with her, and we like the parent-to-child ratio! Lol. I also like that we'd be able to do more, and that we won't be contributing to population growth. 

On the other hand, I don't want her to miss out on the sibling interactions and would hate to saddle her with both of us in old age. I guess we'll see.

jennandmel1024

This is a debate in our house too. We have always said we would have 2 and that we would each carry one. Now that we have C, I am set on having 2 more. It just seems like 3 kids would be perfect. Plus we each grew up with 2 other siblings and I really liked it. She is not convinced of having 3 but she will give in.

jennjenn524

We're going to have at least three. I really want to be pregnant twice. I am in LOVE with being pregnant. M recently decided that she would also like to carry a child. So that puts us at three... not sure on timing and finances... so we will see.

bluedaisyus

our goal is 2. she carried our son and I've been trying for over a year, but after 2 miscarriages already we'll see what happens. if it turns out that I can't sustain a pregnancy for some medical reason or we get to the point of IVF we're one and done. she doesn't want to carry again and I don't want to go through IVF. we're both content with what we have, even though it's not what we both envision, so if that happens we'll be okay.