Upstate NY Babies

Those with 2+ LOs

It seems there are a few of us having baby #2 coming up....so those of you that have been through it, do you have any advice, tips, or words of wisdom for us??  Things that work, things that don't, what to expect with a baby and an older LO, etc....anything you want to pass along!

Re: Those with 2+ LOs

  • Older LO takes a lot of adjusting to the new baby.  They often do a lot for attention, so be prepared to do a lot of discipline!

    When the new baby is napping, try to set aside some special time with your older child.  When the baby was old enough to crawl and put stuff in her mouth, I often did stuff like beads with my older LO, so it was like a special activity for just the two of us. 

    You may want to set aside some toys to entertain your older LO if you're feeling frustrated.  You can also try to think of "big girl things" to make her feel empowered - like climbing up in the carseat on her own, or helping you with something.  

  • For us, the sibling issues didn't start until Mia was mobile (around 6.5 months she was crawling and pulling up) because she wanted to be into/on/touching all of Owen's stuff.  In the beginning, it was all about keeping Owen busy, especially when I was nursing and trying to get her to nap.  That was very tough for me.  I also had a wicked tough baby, and hopefully you will have an easy going one :)  The other thing was baby wearing.  My friend would wear her 2nd all of the time.  I didn't go that far, but it was a lifesaver for getting out of the house and at times, just getting stuff done around the house. 
    O 10.08 & MJ 6.10
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  • I often feel bad for my older one. She is very self sufficient at 4 and plays so well by herself that sometimes I feel like I am not spending enough time with her. Like the pp said, when my LO is napping I try to do fun projects with the 2 of us.

    It was hard to get a routine especially having the baby in the winter and feeling like we are trapped in the house all day. Just set aside some free time for your older one and get them ready for the little one by playing up the big sibling/helper role. My older one is very proud of herself when she feels like she is being a huge help. Good luck.

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  • For us, it wasn't difficult for anyone until #2 became mobile!  The first 6 months were a breeze, I just never made a big deal about the new baby.  I don't know if not getting Ty all worked up and excited about the baby made things so easy for him or it was just luck, but that is what we did.  Once B became mobile, Ty got all stressed out and worried about her hurting herself, it was cute.  Now, my biggest worry is how hard he hits her when she pushes his buttons.
  • Ethan did really good with sophia.  We had a couple incidents of jealousy.  He bit her stomach while I was nursing her and she had teeth marks and a bruise. It was horrible.  Now they just fight over toys and sharing.

    We still sent ethan to daycare 2 times a week so he could stay on a schedule and have some time with someone else. My kids are great friends and really look out for each other and play well together.  It's not easy but it is so worth it

  • We had a very easy transition as far as C accepting E.  But I think that it was because we were so afraid for C's reaction to E that we completely catered to C.  E often got the "leftover" parent.  When she wanted to sit in E's bouncer, we let her.  When she cried for me, I jumped.  We didn't do it for long because she adjusted so easy.  She never once showed jealousy towards him but I imagine, as others said, it will happen when he starts really moving.

    Same as jewels, we kept Claire in daycare 2 days a week so she kept a routine, wasn't in the house all the time (we took walks daily but kept out of public places until E was 8 weeks old), and kept her friends. 

    Good luck!

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  • For us, it was just coming to the realization that things would probably be different for the baby than they were with our first.  I knew I wouldn't be able to give her 100% of my time/attention like I did with G.  I had to realize (and convince my DH) that sometimes she was going to have to cry because I had to deal with G.  And vice versa...sometimes I'd HAVE to attend to the baby and he'd have to wait.  But I made sure to spend as much one-on-one time with G as possible.  I wore R a lot...especially around the house and if I was doing bedtime alone. 
  • My boys are 5 years apart, so Mike really had a better understanding of what was going on and what to expect.

    Especially in the beginning, I would read to Mike while I was nursing Alex so that he didn't feel excluded.  We still do special things together while Alex is napping.  (Board games and Legos...things with little pieces that we can't do while little fingers are around.)

    Bianca image.
  • My LO's are 7, 2 and 1.

    The oldest was/is great with the babies. But like other posters said, once the younger baby was mobile he became more of a competitor for mama's affection. It is hilarious to see them wrestle and babble to each other, but the 2 y/o gets very jealous of his little brother and can get nasty.

    I've found I have to be more strict about rules. I wouldn't really have thought about imposing rules when first LO was a baby we just went with the flow of the day. But with jealousy and fights I've had to stick to my guns about things like bed time, and no eating in the living room. When we go for walks I cant just let LO's do their own thing like I did with the first one. We have to have enforced structure or my boys will be in neighbors yards, out in the road, trying to climb a tree while the other one runs in the opposite direction.

    The overall cleanliness of the house has gone downhill; however I've been much more strict about kids taking care of their own things. The 7 and 2 year old scrape and put their dishes in the sink. I am also working with the 2 y/o to pickup his own toys and clothes. Basically I'm bigger on self sufficiency than before.

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  • really great advice so far girls~

    I haven't had real issues with L being jealous of X yet- he acted out a little in the beginning toward me and DH but he has been very loving toward X and is always trying to "include him" (fingers crossed that it stays this way..lol)

    toward the end of my pregnancy with X- I had a sitter come in for a couple hours a week so that I could rest, shop, etc and L would get a break- I have kept her on and I love her and think that L appreciates having the special time with her and one-on-one attention.

    I mourned a little that I wouldnt be able to give X the same focused attention I gave L but its working ok so far

    I would suggest carving out time for yourself- every week- schedule it if you have to- but having dedicated "me time" helps keep my sanity... 

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  • Definitely having the one on one time with each.  Dh would take E out for special outings and then i would make sure once I day that I sat and read to him and cuddled.  He was pretty jealous, but it only lasted for about 2 months.

    Ask for help, you will need it.

    Have the older one help you with getting diapers, etc.  This really helped to tame down the jealousy.  

    I had to lower my expectations of what I could do.  This was great advice from a close friend with 3 kids.  I could not do everything perfectly and there were days when E watched a lot of TV, just so I could focus on A.

    Now things are great!  They adore each other....at least for now ;)   

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