Do you think it matters?

mcatmay

So it's official - i'm finally going back to work, after a multitude of paperwork issues. My schedule is a bit crazy - i'm working from 9-7pm, 4 days a week, for the next 6 weeks (training, so i had no choice in the schedule). This means that i'll drop the girl off at daycare and my husband will pick her up at 5pm. She'll be in bed by the time i get home. 

In my neurotic mom mind, i'm convinced that DD will think that i'm abandoning her to daycare every day but that thankfully Dad comes and rescues her daily.To those of you that have dealt with this, do you think your relationship with your LO has changed?

I know, i KNOW - i'm completely neurotic, i totally realize this. I just want to get an idea what to mentally prep myself for.  

ch ch ch chia

You're talking crazy talk.

She will not think you're abandoning her.

Get some good snuggles in during the early morning hours, and consider shifting her bedtime slightly later. 

mommmyz

She is not going to think you are abandoning her! Believe me, I think to some extent every mom who works outside the home goes through this - but she's going to be fine! Not trying to minimize what you are worried about at all, because it is a hard transition. You will find your groove, she will do great, and you and your DH will both get great time with her. She will still adore you!

Sofka

it's only for a little bit, she'll be fine!

 

QueSrah

I don't think she's thinking that you're abandoning her int he morning or that Daddy is rescuing her at the end of a tortuous day at daycare, either.  Most kids love their providers and being around the other kids every day.  She'll be fine!

I see DD an hour and a half on the average week day.  I try to focus my attention on her in the evenings before she goes to bed, since that's where we get most of our time.  Try to work on a special morning routine, where you're spending time with her aside from getting yourself ready to go.  That might help you feel better about missing her for the rest of the day. 

BirdGirl01

You're talking crazy.  At least 2 times/week I don't get home until after DD goes to bed.  She still knows I'm her mom.   It's only for 6 weeks.  You'll both be fine. 

How long is your commute?  If there's any chance you could be home by 8, you can also try slowly pushing her bedtime back so you're home for a few minutes before she goes to bed.  

I take my time in the morning with DD.  If she's an early riser, you could easily have an hour with her in the morning.  

mcatmay

During training, my commute will be half an hour. After that, it depends what hospital i work out of. I won't know what my hours are until i finish my training but it'll either be four ten hour days or five nine hour days. She currently goes to bed at 6:45pm, which has made all the difference in how she sleeps at night (she's sleeping SO much better than before). I don't want to be selfish and keep her up later so i was planning on being ready when she gets up in the morning at 6:30am so that i can have some time with her.

I'm also conflicted about what to do about one of her morning naps. She usually goes back down for a nap about 45mn-1 hour after she gets up but i'll have to get on the road by 8am to get her to daycare and to get to my workplace by 9. I don't know if i should just keep her up or lay her down for her nap and wake her up when it's time to go.

I'm sure that i'm just stuck in my head about everything - now that it's finally here, i'm having a hard time with going back to work. I'm convinced that my supply is going to dry up, that she'll refuse the breast (as she did once this week) because she gets milk faster from the bottle, etc, etc, etc. Totally crazy. I know for a fact that she'll be just fine even if all those things happen, that formula is a good source of nutrition but, when we were trying today to see whether she would even take formula in case of an emergency, it killed me a little bit inside to see her take it so easily. 

Ugh, i am NOT the first and won't be the last mother to go back to work. I know that and i know logically that it'll be all ok. Just haven't found a way to convince myself emotionally yet.  

umdbride

Ditto PP's - you'll get through it and DD will have fun interacting with the other kids at daycare. She won't think you're abandoning her and she'll love you whether she sees you for hours on end, or just a couple.

As for the bottle/breast issue - my DS definitely rejected BF and preferred the more constant/immediate flow of the bottle, even with the slowest nipple.  We ended up using the First Years Breastflow bottle and it helped immensely.  The bottle is a PITA because it has two nipples, but it really made a difference in continuing to BF (still going!) even though I work full time.  Try not to stress too much about milk production, you can make some lactation cookies or take fernugreek if you're worried. One of my friends is a nurse practitioner and was able to BF for the full year even while seeing patients, etc. - you can do it!

For the nap, I'd probably try to keep her up so she can get on the 9-11 nap, then 1-3 nap schedule, which is what daycare may try to do anyway (as ours did). 

GL!

Sofka

I would not change her bedtime. Is it possible she'll nap in the car and if so, will your DCP let you bring her in in her car seat and continue napping in it? Otherwise, keep her nap and her current schedule (it'll change soon anyway).

Don't push formula, give her BM in a bottle, pump as soon as possible in the morning as that's when you'll get the most milk. Pump until no more milk comes out and if you want to increase your supply, for a few more minutes to tell your body to produce more, drink as much water in oz as you pumping.

It will be fine, you'll be a pro in no time!

 

mcatmay

Umbride and Sofka, thank you for those tips for pumping/BF. The girl decided to go on a nursing strike yesterday, of all days, stomping her feet in frustration at the slow letdown. This in turn stressed me out, which slowed the letdown even more and now we're in a bad spot. She nursed in the middle of the night but refused to nurse this morning before daycare. 

I'm going to try to institute the tips that you all suggested and see if it helps. I've also read to pump enough to stimulate letdown and then nurse DD, so that's my next step when she gets frustrated with me.

 As always, you ladies are incredible resources. Thank you! 

umdbride

mcatmay:

 stomping her feet in frustration at the slow letdown. This in turn stressed me out, which slowed the letdown even more and now we're in a bad spot. She nursed in the middle of the night but refused to nurse this morning before daycare. 

This was totally DS, he'd flale around, thrash his head/arms/legs and cry at me - it was so upsetting and frustrating.  He would nurse great in the middle of the night and sometimes first thing in the morning, but for a while that was the only time he'd nurse (and I think it was when he was the same age as your LO).  I really debated EP-ing it was so disheartening to have him so frustrated with me.  For a couple weeks, maybe even month or more I pumped more than BF, and the only time/place he would really nurse was when he was sleepy and at home.  He eventually came around and around 5/6 months I could nurse almost anywhere. I won't say it's easy though - DS still has his bouts of frustration, especially now that he's eating real food and much more mobile he's much less interested and paitent with nursing. I just try to make the most out of our morning and before bed sessions since that's when he's most content.  GL and at least you know you're not alone!