NPR--I need an outside perspective
I will probably DD this later, just in case......
I know someone who goes through bouts of (what I think to be) excessive drinking. This person has a few beers almost every night, but also consumes hard liquor during the week and really goes to town during breaks. For instance, he/she drank half of a fifth of whiskey, gin, or vodka (on their own) 6 out of the past 8 nights.
This person does not get mean or nasty, but is not reliable and feels like crap the next day. Work is not affected other than the fact that they sometimes smell like they have been drinking the night before.....it's that "after bar" smell. In fact, work is going really well, which is used as an excuse that drinking is not a problem for him/her.
I argued that the excessive drinking should stop. It may not be a horrible problem yet, but I don't want it to be bad before it is taken care of. Plus, I know it has to be damaging to this person's body.
When I confronted this person I was called fat, controlling, etc. I am trying to brush those comments off as a defense mechanism even though they are very hurtful. I'm second guessing my concern, though. I mean, is this not sounding like a problem? This person argues that no one is being hurt, so nothing needs to be done.
Am I wrong?
Re: NPR--I need an outside perspective
Honestly, if somebody wants to do that with their life there isn't much you can do about it. I think arguing it might have been the wrong approach, but I agree with your opinion on the subject. Their reaction is a big red flag, IMO.
In most cases (as in not my DH), I would probably just share my concern for their well being, offer support if they wanted to stop, and leave it at that.
Sounds like my uncle. I had it out with him at Christmas my freshman year of college. It seemed to do no good. I later learned that he mentioned that conversation everyday for the next couple months. Proved that it did have some influence on him, though he never changed.
He needed a heart surgery to save his life but to do so meant he had to quit drinking forever (because of the lifelong meds he's have to take afterwards). Unforunately, he passed away about a year ago from his drinking and he wasn't even 50 years old.
Though I agree with you 100%, a person will never change unless they want to.
Unless its your husband or your child, you stated your feelings. I think after that you made you case & that's about all you can do short of Ala-non...
If the person is elderly or disabled and it starts effecting the quality of their life, you can make an APS report but....
While I am sure you have the right thoughts behind it, your approach might be telling. If someone approached me in a manner I didn't like you better believe I would come swinging.
Put yourself in their shoes. How would you react?
Sounds like a high functioning alcoholic.
I was trying to reply earlier, but couldn't figure out how to do it on an android. This sounds very much like something my friend is going through with her DH. So much so that I was going to respond in that way. If it is not your DH, you have to sadly let it go. If it is, I'd make a change. I'd make a big deal, this has got to stop, consequences like him leaving, etc.
And his reaction to you/treatment of you plays a part in that. Because of the name calling/belittling, things have got to change in a big way anyway. Unless it's your brother or something, in which case, write the douche off.
I agree this sounds like a classic HFA but also agree that all you can do is set your boundaries. 3 C's - you didn't cause it. You can't control it and you can't cure it!
obviously it's much more complicated if this is your husband.
PM me for extra support if you want. I speak fluent alcoholic
Sounds like a problem to me too, but as pp's said, nothing you can do unless it is your DH. the biggest problem at this point is the damage it is causing his liver and brain. Excessive alcolhol actually atrophies a part of your brain that controls large muscle groups. (learned this last night on Dr. G) She did an autopsy on a woman who had done so much damage via alcohol that her brain atrophied, her liver was fatty and it was causing her to fall over (the brian atrophy, not the fatty liver)...think drunk man falling...well she hit her head on the fireplace and was so drunk didn't call for help, her blood alcohol content was so high .318 that it wouldn't clot and she died alone at 38 years old.
I have also dealt with an alcoholic family member and it just gets uglier. Good Luck.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
I was wondering the same thing. I can give you advice that would be totally different if it were a friend/co-worker or your DH.