Advice needed please

jenny2508

I am stuck on whether or not I should get divorced and go to court for custody/support.  Right now, my ex comes over when I allow him to and he does not really ask for too much more.  However, I feel like I should get sole physical and legal custody from a court system.  The only problem is that I want him to get SUPERVISED visitation if we go to court.  I am afraid that he will not though and that is why I am afraid to go to court.  I do not want someone to put it in writing that I HAVE to let him see his son, without me around.  ADVICE?  SUGGESTIONS?  PLEASE!!!  TIA!

ETyorkin

Is there good reason for you wanting it to be supervised visitation?

 

Are you EBF? I think at this point, they won't let him have visitation for more than an hour at a time because your DS is so young.

If you are EBF and he refuses a bottle and you are on okay terms, then it might be possible to get visitation in your presence...I'm not sure though. It all depends on the situation and the type of "relationship" you now have.

 

Good luck! 

jenny2508

Unfortunately he is formula fed.  My ex said very hateful things when I was pregnant.  He threatened me repeatedly, he said that he hoped I had a miscarriage and lost the baby, he denied my son for months and said he wanted a DNA test.  Now he is trying to act like that was all a mistake on his part.  He also told me that he was hooked on prescription drugs while I was pregnant.  He was drinking a large amount as well and I think he still is.  All of these are the reasons why I believe his visitation needs to be supervised.

ETyorkin

Well, you need to tell this all to your lawyer (if you have one, if you don't...you need to get one) and they can further advise you. The fact that none of this is documented works against you. However, family court does take into account threats and etc.

If you feel like he is a danger to you, you could file for an order of protection and the court also takes that into account - (a fit father wouldn't need to have an order of protection)

I feel like the best thing you can do right now, is start documenting everything - the fact that you allow him to see your son. Is he giving you any money for your child? If not, then you're pretty much just letting him see him for "free" so to speak. If he has a child, and he wants to have the pleasure of seeing that child, he needs to fulfill the obligations as well, such as child support. If you were legally married, I'd file for spousal support as well, but that's up to you.

 

 

CPA04

ETyorkin:

Well, you need to tell this all to your lawyer (if you have one, if you don't...you need to get one) and they can further advise you. The fact that none of this is documented works against you. However, family court does take into account threats and etc.

If you feel like he is a danger to you, you could file for an order of protection and the court also takes that into account - (a fit father wouldn't need to have an order of protection)

I feel like the best thing you can do right now, is start documenting everything - the fact that you allow him to see your son. Is he giving you any money for your child? If not, then you're pretty much just letting him see him for "free" so to speak. If he has a child, and he wants to have the pleasure of seeing that child, he needs to fulfill the obligations as well, such as child support. If you were legally married, I'd file for spousal support as well, but that's up to you.

 

 

CS and visitation are not linked to each other in any way. Many of us "let" our X's see their children "for free" all the time. If they had to be caught up on their CS payments to visit, there are a lot of children who wouldn't see their other parent... ever.

OP- I don't believe any of the evidence you provided would be enough to warrant supervised visitation at this time. Start documenting from this point forward however. 

DaringMiss

Having a custody agreement in place through the courts is always the best idea.  I know it seems like a huge hassle when the child is young, but life is going to get more and more complicated.  Plus, if your ex is on the birth certificate, he has equal rights to your child, so if he wanted to move to another state and take your son with him, he would have the right to do so -- just as you do now.  You would have to take him to court to assert your rights.

Make a fair and reasonable agreement now, while everything is good between you.  Realize that you will have to modify things as time goes on, but this will give you a good framework for everyone to live by.