BFP and not feeling great about it

msnehz

I'm a complete mess right now.  I feel overwhelmed, guilty and feel really alone about being pregnant again.  I am now considering the unthinkable.  I adore both my kids but they were both colicky the first 3 months. #1 didnt STTN until about 15 months.  Both would wake up mulitples at night as infant. Both are 30 minute cat nappers, yes, #1 still naps for 30 minutes.  I am tired and decided to stop at 2 kids. DH was suppose to have a vasectomy next month. I feel such bad mother, bad person for even considering the unthinkable.  I just dont know if Im strong enough to handle another one which will be 14 months apart from #2. I dont know if I will be able to give all three the mommy that they deserve. I am sobbing as I write this post and  hating myself for being so irresponsible and wishing I could turn back time. I feel guilty and lost.

shanplu

{{HUGS}}  I'm so sorry you're having to make such a heart wrenching  decision but know you're NOT a bad mother, no matter what you decide.  You have to do what's best for you and the family you have now!  

smerka

I had the exact same thoughts.  I wound up back at my therapist because I was such a mess.  But after several months, I started to be happier about it.  I still have my days where I wonder how much easier my life would be with only one.  Don't make any rash decisions, get help if you think you need it, and take it one day at a time.  Oh and make sure DH keeps his appt.

sweetpea2003

This is why I am happy pregnancy is 9 months.  You have a long time to get used to the idea, to prepare, to adjust, and to (hopefully) get excited.  It will be okay.  It will be hard, but it will be wonderful too.  Try to think of the long-term picture of your family, not just the baby/toddler time. 

Obviously you need to do waht is best for your family, and I will not lay any opinin or judgement out.  Just try to think of 10 or 20 years from now just as much as you think of 10 to 20 months from now. 

homediva

Lurking, but ***Hugs****!

kagl08

lisajay09:

Mine are 14 months apart. We planned #2 and still I felt the same as you do once it actually happened. You are not a bad person. The feelings you're having are justifiable because it is hard...you know that already. I was thinking of all the bad things like the sleep deprivation, the work, all the hard stuff but then she came and she is such a good baby. I look at her and in my head I apologize for the things I thought.  She's completes our family. That was her purpose. Try not to focus on what you think might happen. This LO might just surprise you.  

ITA and couldn't have said it better! My DS was planned but once I got that BFP I freaked out! Literally couldn't sleep at night because I kept thinking "what the h3ll did I do???" I felt so guilty about how I felt, but like OP said, thank God pregnancy is 9 months! I totally was only thinking about the bad stuff (sleep deprivation, teething, them getting sick) but now that he is here it's amazing! DS is the BEST baby ever and I was pleasantly surprised. I never thought our 2nd would be so good. Our DS completes our family, and like PP said... that was his purpose!

Daisy22

My boys are 15 months apart and it was not planned. When I found out that I was pg with ds2 I cried in the kitchen floor and had to have dh come home from work. I felt guilty to ds1, then I felt guilty for crying about being pg etc.  I cried a lot through that pregnancy and it was hard once he got here but I can't imagine life without him. And now I'm pregnant again. I'm not sad but I am scared to death. Ds1 turns 3 a week before this baby is born and ds2 will be 20 months. I just have faith that God wouldn't give me more then I can handle. Hugs!!!

NCMichelle

Big hugs!  I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason...    With that being said, I cried for days when I found out I was pregnant with my DS.  Mine are 14 months apart.  And right now, I wouldn't have it any other way.  

rosesandpeonies

It will be okay first of all and second I would have the same feelings.  Heck I had an oops the other night and I am feeling those things and I don't even have a positive pregnancy test.

I will tell you that my mom had 4 kids and we all feel like we were loved.  That is why we don't have memories before 3 lol

You will be alright!   

lolalillie

I know exactly how you feel.  It will be okay, I promise!   I was scared to death when I found out I was pregnant with our third (the condom did not work and we dealt with infertility so never in a million years did I think this was possible). 

DH never wanted three kids (I always did but knew that he didn't so I thought that it was not in the cards for us).  The pp was 100% right, it is a blessing that pregnancy is 9 months because it gives you time to come to terms with everything.  I have come to terms with having three kids (I am still scared to death that I won't be able to handle it) but seeing how excited our kids are about their new brother makes me know that it is worth it!  This little man is in our lives for a reason. 

No matter what you decide, please know that what you are feeling is totally normal.  I would give it a little bit more time and make a decision that works for you.  Please take care!

MamatoA2010

I don't have 2U2 but I just wanted to say good luck! You can do it!!!

nursemom2011

I am with you! Except.... I will have 3 under 2!!! 

WhitePicketFence

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

*HUGS*

jjhp2018

Sending you some hugs!! Mine will be 12 months apart. You never know how this baby will be though! You may get a super calm, laid back baby. I am wishing you luck with whatever you all decide.

starlight_24

I know how it feels to be so tired that you can't do one more thing.I've been there.  I also know how wonderful it is to have three little ones. Once the sleep kicks in you will feel like a new person It is going to amaze you the way three children can interact together and how easy it is at most moments. I wish you all the best. Sure there are stresses in children but there is also an unforgettable love that flourishes between the family as well! Hugs and love to you!  

msnehz

Thank you all for the hugs and words of encouragment.  I am sooo touched reading every single one of your replies. Thank you.

KacieLeigh

Just remember, in the grand scheme of things, the baby/toddler stages are SO short!  I know it doesn't seem like it now, but soon you'll blink your eyes and they'll be big!  I try to tell myself, "I'll never look at that child and wish that they weren't in my life." And I really believe that! 

KacieLeigh

P.S.  My 2nd one (my two are 15mo apart) cried (read: screamed) for 7 months and we never could figure out the reason.  Seven months is  a long time to listen to screaming.  But now that she's happy, I couldn't imagine life without her!