Am I a bad person?

blondebomb416

I recently found out that my sister of all people is pregnant. She is 18, unemployed living with her boyfriend of 4 months parents. He barely has an income which he spends on things like xbox games and doesn't have a car or a license because of an underage DUI charge. I am having a very hard time being happy for her because I who am happily married, buying a house and have a very good job, have been trying for 2 years with no success. I had a miscarriage last October and found out this November I have Polysystic Ovary Syndrome. After no period for 92 days I went to the doctor and found out about the POS. I did my round of Provera and then my round of Clomid. I am not sure if I ovulated. I have been charting my temps and doing the ovulation tests. All the tests have been neg however there was a slight peak in my temp. Should I be optimistic or should I assume that I will need an increased dose of Clomid in not other fertility drugs? I am hoping for anything from anyone. Thank you

amy1004

Nope.  You are human and frustrated like the rest of us.  It will take time to get over the shock/pain/anger/etc.

P.S. I posted over on 3T to try and provide some advice but I am not sure that I helped.  I have more questions than advice.

 

arbutusbride

Be optimistic and have hope, it's the only thing that keeps a lot of us going.  

As for your sister being pregnant, it's tough and completely unfair.   

MAbride0808

I'm so sorry!  That is one of the biggest reasons IF sucks! 

Try to  stay positive; it is the only way to deal with If.

RachH517

I agree with previous posters, you just have to hang in there. It sucks when you are ready and wanting a baby so badly and people who do not seem ready get to have them. We have all been there and struggled with that. In fact, I struggle with that every time someone I know gets pregnant even if they are happily married and can afford a baby, etc. 

We are here for you to vent, ask questions and get support from. Good luck!! 

pbj1975

Nope, not a bad person at all. I found out that a friend & family member were pregnant. While I was thrilled for them, I just felt sad for myself. I guess we are all allowed to have a pity party every now & again, right? I would feel more hurt if someone weren't honest with me. Your time will come!

Mrs.McIrish

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your sister. I don't get the universe that lets her get PG when we can't.. Anyway I wanted to comment on your PCOS.  I don't have that but was a little concerned that you don't know if you ovulated on clomid. It sounds like you were not being monitored while on it?  You absolutely need to be monitoring (via b/w and u/s). You should know yes or no whether you O'd.   Please see a Reproductive Endocronologist who will monitor you. I'm guessing you are seeing a gyn?  Taking clomid w/out monitoring can be very dangerous and gyns hand it out like candy unfortunately.

jillychris

Mrs.McIrish:

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your sister. I don't get the universe that lets her get PG when we can't.. Anyway I wanted to comment on your PCOS.  I don't have that but was a little concerned that you don't know if you ovulated on clomid. It sounds like you were not being monitored while on it?  You absolutely need to be monitoring (via b/w and u/s). You should know yes or no whether you O'd.   Please see a Reproductive Endocronologist who will monitor you. I'm guessing you are seeing a gyn?  Taking clomid w/out monitoring can be very dangerous and gyns hand it out like candy unfortunately.

I completely agree. Dealing with IF sucks and it there is a sting when you find out others are pregnant, whether they are happily married or not. So no, you are not a bad person; you are normal person, struggling to have a child and it hurts when you watch others with what you want so badly.

But I completely second what Mrs. McIrish has said about an RE. Please make sure you are properly monitored while on any fertility meds. You absolutely should know whether or not you ovulated, otherwise the dr does not know how to change your protocol. GL to you!

MrsLisaG

I don't think your a bad person.  It's almost a cruel joke to see some people who can get pregnant hen you can't.

blondebomb416

I really appreciate everyone's kind words and encouragement. My doctor is a fertility specialist and put me on the Provera starting the 1st of December when I was done with that and on my 3rd day of AF I started the Clomid. Took that for 5 days. On Christmas I started an Ovulation kit. I also monitored my BBT and other signs and symptoms. He said this was a trial run to see if it would change my levels at all, I went yesterday for more blood work and I meet with him on the 11th to find out the results. If I have no period by the 14th I have been advised to take a Preg test. He had initially done my lab work and found

Hemoglobin, A1C value was 5.2 which is within the 3.4-6.4%

Est Average Glucose was 103 (which is a little low since I had eaten before I came in but I am Hypoglycemic.) which is less then the max of 126.

Progesterone was .56 Which was extremely low for the phase that I was in since I hadn't had a period for 92 days. It should have been between 1.7 and 27.

Prolactin level was 8.9 Normal is 4.8 to 23.3.

LH level however was a 10.82 which my doctor said was a little high consider the amount of time I had gone with out AF.

TSH level was 2.22 Normal is .27 to 4.2.

FSH was 5.4 Normal is 1.7 to 7.7.

I really have no clue what any of it means. We don't have the money to go to doctors that cost too much however, if they were to be covered under our insurance or aren't too bad I can look into the RE doctors. We are really hoping something good comes from trying the Clomid because if the drugs they give don't end up working we can't afford to do anything like IVF or adoption. If anyone sees anything in the info I have provided that strikes them please let me know. I am open to any and all suggestions. Thank you again.