TTC deliema

beckslea

karma&co:

KdgTeacher:

beckslea:

This is a really hard decision that only you and YH can make.  Obviously you were nine months pregnant you couldn't fly.  Or if you had a 2-3 week old baby, it's a major concern to take the baby into crowded public places.

I got pregnant with DD (unexpectedly) and had to miss my best friend's wedding (I was 35 weeks along and it was in India).  To make matters worse, she was marrying my brother in law so I got *** from both my in-laws and my best friend and her family.  I love my little girl to death but honestly things are still not right with my friend a year later.  My only point is at least consider waiting a couple months-but in the end, do what is best for you.

Maybe it's me but I'd question that friendship.  

TTC is your priority and your focus. Her wedding is hers.

I guarantee plenty of the girls in this thread would have been just as upset when they were brides and TTC was nowhere on the radar.

I think your first comment is exactly right.  I'm just doing my best to stay "ok" with her until the day she understands.  She is my sister-in-law now, too!

kje120

karma&co:

And I am quite certain most of the responses to my question will be people saying how they were such understanding and supportive brides.

Nobody on here would likely admit to having been bothered if their sister/SIL/best friend backed out of their wedding due to being pregnant.

 

I wouldn't have done cartwheels if someone had backed out of our wedding due to being pregnant, but I wouldn't have thrown a hissy fit, either.  Anyone who expects other people to put their lives on hold just so they can be there for one day in someone else's life is kind of a spoiled brat in my book.

 

lovin life23

karma&co:

lovin life23:

karma&co:

And I am quite certain most of the responses to my question will be people saying how they were such understanding and supportive brides.

Nobody on here would likely admit to having been bothered if their sister/SIL/best friend backed out of their wedding due to being pregnant.

 

well if you already KNOW why did you ask?..........................

Quit abusing that period button.

I asked because I wanted to see if anyone had the balls to admit they were THAT bride.

Okay..........................

I think if someone wanted to admit to it they would have or will. Don't get all irritated just because most or the PP's said they would not put TTC on hold for anyone. That is how they really feel. My answer does not change either. Infact, I did have a friend who had to back out of my wedding (not due to TTC), but I understood, I was there for her. I was THAT bride. Not gloating or anything but you did ask.

ydawg05

I wouldn't put it on hold either. My cousin 2000 miles away asked me to stand up for her in September. If I get pregnant this cycle I will be nearly full term on her wedding day. I told her I will stand up for her as long as I am able to travel to her wedding.  Most folks are understanding they want you to live your life and especially family and close friends would be excited for you to have a baby. There are the select few that wouldn't be too happy with you, but if they're not, are you really that close?

sweetpea2003

karma&co,

I think most women on here would admit being disappointed if their BFF or sister got pregnant and missed their wedding.  That is normal.

What is NOT normal is being so thrown by the whole thing that it impacts the relationship beyond the wedding and makes things awkward/irreparable.  To still be ticked off a year after your wedding becuase your friend gave birth or was too pregnant to travel to India is not something I think the average bride can relate to.  That sounds like behavior of an extremely selfish person.  Not just your average wedding-centric bride.

I agree, perspective is important.  Nobody is saying they would be thrilled 100% of the time.  I just think people were reacting to the amount of time the bride seems to be holding this grudge.

nyc7781

Not trying to be snarky, but A lot can happen in 10 months.  Don't put your life on hold for anyone.  In my opinion, friends don't put their life on hold for you, so why should you put yours on hold for them??

MrsAshleyS

I'm going through this situation as well. I got married in August and at the time two of my bridesmaids were TTC and had it happened when they started trying they would have been due around my wedding. But I understood, I would never ask someone to put that off for my one day.  

 However, my cousin is getting married this coming August. At Christmas Eve threw a fit and her mom did too if I decide to get pregnant before her wedding. First of all, if I got pregnant this cycle I wouldn't be due until after it but she also told me she doesn't even want me a few months pregnant. I think that is completely ridiculous and I'm not going to stop trying for someone else. My husband and I want to get our family started. The crazy thing is she doesn't even know we're trying because we're keeping it to ourselves right now to avoid getting asked questions by family because that is just added stress.  

katekat8721

I wouldn't put TTC on hold. You never know.

Mammers34

My sister is getting married Oct 13th, 2012.  We have been TTC for 4 months with no luck, if we were to conceive in Jan that would put my due date at 10/11/2012, 2 days before her wedding.  She is my best friend and our mom has passed away so i am like her mom and sister.  I just could not miss her wedding.  So we have decided to put off TTC for one month.  Its a personal decision, no one should sway you either way, its what you and hubby this is best.. Good Luck.

canthardlywait426

karma&co:

angelsnight:

lovin life23:

karma&co:

And I am quite certain most of the responses to my question will be people saying how they were such understanding and supportive brides.

Nobody on here would likely admit to having been bothered if their sister/SIL/best friend backed out of their wedding due to being pregnant.

 

well if you already KNOW why did you ask?..........................

Stole the words out of my mouth.  Maybe she would/did throw a fit and was hoping others would said they would/did too.

It's called having perspective, you should get some. Yep I was a bride and the importance of TTC was lost on me back then- the horror!!!! I feel differently now of course, but it's one of things you can't expect people to understand until you've been there.

 You all expect everyone to be super understanding and accepting of your TTC, and it's horrifying to think a bride might not have the same perspective as you. Not always realistic to think a bride will be super gracious and excited about your TTC plans.

 

I was asked by one of my best friends to be in her wedding 1 month before I found out I was pg. When i found out i was pg and did the math, We both knew that I would be 36 weeks pg at her wedding, and she left it up to me. She knew there was a possibility that I would deliver early or not be able to attend for whatever reason, but she was completely comfortable with me making the decision because she knew we had been trying for a year and a half at that point. She was understanding of the fact that while getting married was important to her, getting pregnant was important to me. I had zero intention of TTA for 1 or 2 cycles after being asked to be a BM just so that I could comfortably be in her wedding. So in answer to your question, no. I put TTC on hold nobody.