Lost
I'm a little lost. I had twins almost 8 weeks ago. We went through a lot to get pregnant and I was excited to be pregnant until I found out that we were having twins. I was freaked out for the rest of the pregnancy, wishing that I was only having one baby, or that I wasn't pregnant at all. I didn't feel bonded to them during pregnancy. The only time I did feel bonded was breast feeding after they were born, but my milk never came in, so I couldn't do it any more. Now most of the time I don't feel much for them. I am overwhelmed, missing my old life with my husband, missing my pre-pregnancy body, and just missing myself. I keep wishing there were some way to go back in time. I keep looking at old pictures of me and my husband during our honeymoon and vacations together, and I just cry. People give me breaks, time away from them, but instead of feeling rejuvenated, I just want more time away. My husband did all the night time feedings last night, so I could sleep 8 hours, but i dont feel any better. I only wanted to sleep more. I am constantly stressed out about the twin's care--their eating and sleeping schedules-- and I think it's because I'm overcompensating for the fact that I can't give them the most important thing I'm supposed to be giving them: lots of love. I'm just glad my husband loves them; I know they deserve it, deserve better than me. I'm afraid to get help. I am already on an antidepressant because I had depression issues a few years ago. I tried a lot of drugs and the one I'm on is the only one that ever worked for me. So it's not like a doctor could prescribe anything that would make me feel better. And I'm really scared that this isn't PPD, that this just me, not wanting my babies. And if it's not PPD, then that will never get better.
I don't really know why I posted this. I guess I just needed to get it into words for the first time. I hoping someone can give me hope, too, I guess. That they felt this way and it got better: Anyway, there it is.
TTC since 5/10
Dx: PCOS 12/10
IUI #1 (2/11/11): Metformin + Clomid + Ovidrel = BFN
IUI #2 (3/13/11): Metformin + Gonal-F + Ovidrel = BFP
Beta #1 (15dpo) 460, Beta #2 (17dpo) 829, Beta #3 (19dpo) 1550
u/s #1 (4/12/11): Twins!
Re: Lost
ditto.
Something to realize is that Pregnancy does all sort of things to body chemestry. Meds that did not work well before quite often work great for people afterwards. Also, sometimes a combination of certain drugs do the job that one drug cannot. If the meds your on are not working to alleviate these symptoms, its time to speak to your DR. The feelings and thoughts you describe are very typical of PPD. And it sounds like you had some pregnancy depression as well.
Im so sorry
Im going through what you are about the missing your old life
I could have written this word for word after my daughter was born. I just wanted to go back in time and never have her. I missed my old life soooo much. It has gotten so much better. I would try and talk to your doctor again.
Also for me, it got better the older she got. I was not a fan of the newborn stage. I hear so many mothers not wanting their babies to get older but I do. Everytime she goes through a new stage I love it. I can't wait till we can have a conversation. Plus as she gets older I feel more and more like me. And she is super hilarious.
I promise you will feel better.