What would you do?

jdubh

I have many problems with my in-law's. Mostly it all boils down to them thinking that they know everything about parenting and that I'm just an idiot.

This week my daughter's daycare has been closed and I haven't been able to take off work, so finding a sitter has been rough. I hate them keeping her...I mean it was a last resort kind of thing.

Today my FIL brought DD to see me at work...which was great...but then he tells me that she was crying in her car seat so he got SIL to take her out of her car seat! WTF!!! Would you be mad? What would you say? I just don't know how to handle it without completly blowing up!

sparkymcgeee

Oh I'd be SUPER pissed. That is not ok in any way shape or form. I would put the kibosh on him being ABLE to drive with her. At all. She doesn't leave the house with him. I would have my husband talk to him and make it very clear that it is not ok and that he has lost some trust.

jdubh

Thank you! I'm just trying to make sure I'm not over reacting. She is ALWAYS in her car seat when she's with us! I was soooo mad, and it took alot for me not to show my butt!

DH talking to him is completly out of the question. I have had countless problems with his parents and he has pretty much flat out refused to talk to them about it. So, I have to be the b!t(h!!!

sparkymcgeee

Well then be the b*tch cause this is way too important. What if some jackhole came out of nowhere and hit them? It's not about your FIL's driving. It's about every other idiot out there.

jdubh

I know! Thank you so much!!!!

tokenhoser

What would you do if they didn't live close enough to babysit?

You'd do something, right? Do that. It might cost a few bucks, or it might be more complicated, and it will piss them off... but they drive with a baby out of the carseat. That means we know who isn't capable of childcare.

rickandcaitlin

I would make it very clear that having LO cry is way better then having LO severly injured in a car acident. And if he is not going to be ok with that than you are not ok with him watching LO. I would let him know how you feel first and be very firm before just not letting him watch LO. Maybe in his day that was ok and he didnt realize what he was doing. In his head her didnt want his grandchild crying. BUT he definatly needs to know that that can NEVER EVER happen again.

tokenhoser

rickandcaitlin:

I would make it very clear that having LO cry is way better then having LO severly injured in a car acident. And if he is not going to be ok with that than you are not ok with him watching LO. I would let him know how you feel first and be very firm before just not letting him watch LO. Maybe in his day that was ok and he didnt realize what he was doing. In his head her didnt want his grandchild crying. BUT he definatly needs to know that that can NEVER EVER happen again.

You better also spell out all the other things that are no-nos, then. No brandy for teething. Don't leave the baby alone with a dog. Don't let the baby climb the stairs. Don't let the toddler play outside alone. If you have to spell out every item of common sense... these just aren't people to trust alone with your kid. "keep seatbelts on" isn't rocket science.

kacelle

They wouldn't be allowed to be alone with my child again.  That goes beyond questionable caregiving and is endangering your child.  If they can't handle crying in the car, I'd wonder what else they would be totally unable to handle.

rickandcaitlin

tokenhoser:

rickandcaitlin:

I would make it very clear that having LO cry is way better then having LO severly injured in a car acident. And if he is not going to be ok with that than you are not ok with him watching LO. I would let him know how you feel first and be very firm before just not letting him watch LO. Maybe in his day that was ok and he didnt realize what he was doing. In his head her didnt want his grandchild crying. BUT he definatly needs to know that that can NEVER EVER happen again.

You better also spell out all the other things that are no-nos, then. No brandy for teething. Don't leave the baby alone with a dog. Don't let the baby climb the stairs. Don't let the toddler play outside alone. If you have to spell out every item of common sense... these just aren't people to trust alone with your kid. "keep seatbelts on" isn't rocket science.

True I didnt really think of it that way.

toadstool

tokenhoser:

rickandcaitlin:

I would make it very clear that having LO cry is way better then having LO severly injured in a car acident. And if he is not going to be ok with that than you are not ok with him watching LO. I would let him know how you feel first and be very firm before just not letting him watch LO. Maybe in his day that was ok and he didnt realize what he was doing. In his head her didnt want his grandchild crying. BUT he definatly needs to know that that can NEVER EVER happen again.

You better also spell out all the other things that are no-nos, then. No brandy for teething. Don't leave the baby alone with a dog. Don't let the baby climb the stairs. Don't let the toddler play outside alone. If you have to spell out every item of common sense... these just aren't people to trust alone with your kid. "keep seatbelts on" isn't rocket science.

This shows that he has terrible judgement and shouldn't be trusted to care for your kiddo.

Athena0809

Ohh I'd be livid!!! I would totally blow up! I would make it clear that they are not to watch DD again!

dahansen85

I don't think I would be able to trust them with my child again.  I would be a nervous wreck at work all day every day. And I would tell them that, and then make my DH tell them that as well. It sucks, but I would totally shell out for childcare after a move like that. 

snoopy5512

tokenhoser:

What would you do if they didn't live close enough to babysit?

You'd do something, right? Do that. It might cost a few bucks, or it might be more complicated, and it will piss them off... but they drive with a baby out of the carseat. That means we know who isn't capable of childcare.

 This!  Seriously.  I would almost, ALMOST call CPS on his ass.  That is beyond illegal.  But in all seriousness.... Do not leave DD in IL's care.  Seems like it is more than just a situation where they do little things that they think are best and its become a situation where they are endangering the wellfare of your LO.

jdubh

Thanks so much!!! This is really just one example of the MANY things they have done. I just don't know any way to approach it without totally pissing them off. Not that their feelings should even matter when it comes to the care of my child, I'm just trying to maintain some type of positive relationship with them for my husband's sake.

kelly321

Ok, I guess I'm the odd one out here, but here's my opinion. Yes, I would be angry because it is dangerous, but I know that when I've been riding with LO while she's screaming, I have wanted to just take her out of her carseat and comfort her. I've never done it because I know that it's too dangerous to risk, but I can understand how he would have thought he was doing the right thing to help her stop crying.

I think in your situation, I would emphasize to them that 1) you're not worried about FIL's driving (or are you?), but he can't control what other drivers do, and an accident is just that - an accident. Would he be able to handle the guilt if something happened to LO because another driver hit him after he had allowed LO out of the carseat?, and 2) whether or not they think it's dangerous ("Oh, relax, I was the only car on the road." "I had the situation under control. Nothing could possibly have happened."), the fact is that it's illegal. It's illegal whether you're on a deserted gravel road or a city highway in rush-hour, whether you have the best driving record ever or the worst. Tell them that while they can decide whether or not to do things that are illegal that affect only them, you are not okay with them making that decision when it comes to your LO. They are to follow the law at all times when they have LO because the laws are usually there for a good reason and because you want them to set a good example for LO.

That's my 2 cents.

kristennd

They also broke the law.

I wouldn't let them watch LO again. Period.

flutepharm87

If it were me, I would have grabbed DD from FIL and left work. I wouldn't have even returned her to their care. Missing a few hours of work vs having a baby who survives the drive home? No brainer. And I would NEVER allow ILs to watch DD unsupervised again. Obviously they don't know anything about parenting if they're willing to break this rule. And if your DH has a problem with this, then he should have grown a set and started standing up for your parenting decisions from the beginning so you could have felt comfortable delegating the conversation to him.

eawebster

flutepharm87:

If it were me, I would have grabbed DD from FIL and left work. I wouldn't have even returned her to their care. Missing a few hours of work vs having a baby who survives the drive home? No brainer. And I would NEVER allow ILs to watch DD unsupervised again. Obviously they don't know anything about parenting if they're willing to break this rule. And if your DH has a problem with this, then he should have grown a set and started standing up for your parenting decisions from the beginning so you could have felt comfortable delegating the conversation to him.

This. There is no way that man would have walked out of the office with my child. I will say I have a pretty understanding supervisor, so it's not like I'd be walking off the floor and losing my job, but if it were an issue where I could lose my job, whatevs. The safety of my child comes first. DD would never be left with him/them alone again. Period. And WTF at your SIL for actually doing what your FIL said and taking  her out of her seat?! No friggin way!