How do you deal with BFPs? (BFPs/EDDs mentioned)

LSzwaya

Two of my friends announced to me that they were pregnant. One I am not so close with so I am quite removed from her pregnancy. She is due in July so she's quite far along. The other one is a girl I am very close with. We have both shared a lot of the same struggle with TTC. She had a chemical and has been trying for about 7 months. She knows about my struggle and my 2 miscarriages and when she told me last night she mentioned that she knew it was horrible timing but we always said we wouldn't hold out on the other one when one of us got pregnant. Her EDD is within days of mine...so now if it still takes time to get pregnant I get to sit and watch her go through all the mile stones I should have been. Has anyone had to deal with a situation like this? How did you cope and get through it?

delino

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.  I have been going through this since my June loss.  I spoke openly about TTC with a friend of mine and she was open with me.  She had been trying for 8 months and when she came to see me after my surgery, I told her that she doesn't have to hide it from me when she gets pregnant (I suspected that she was)...that was when she told me that she was a little over 7 weeks along and our EDD's were only 3 days apart.  I completely lost it after she left.  Now that I have had another loss during her one pregnancy, I can't even look at her without glaring....and since I work with her that is difficult.  My EDD is coming up on 1/30 and she is due 2/2 and everyday it gets harder and harder.  She was understanding at first, but lately she's been wierd and always tells me about people she knows that are having difficult pregnancies or have lost a LO...like that is supposed to make me feel better.  I try to change the subject with tears in my eyes, but it doesn't seem that she gets it.  I don't know how I will handle the birth of her child...I am very happy for her and am not ashamed to admit that it is pure jealousy and self pity that makes me feel this way.  Sorry if I have rambled...

AustinBride06

My close friends have been very sensitive to me about it, thank goodness.  The two that are pregnant now mostly only talk about it if I bring it up.  They understand that I'm trying to be excited for them and it's not that I'm not... I just have a lot of complicated feelings about it.

I had about 7 people close to me with EDDs around my 1st one and another coworker (who had a loss at 13 weeks) is now pregnant again and due near my 2nd EDD.  I'm happy for each and every one of them, but it was hard getting through those baby showers.  I just say that I'm happy for them and they understand that I can't bring myself to gush over them like I normally would.

AngnShaun

Yes, with my frist pregnancy... (ectopic).  My cousin told me she was pregnant, the next day I got my BFP... that day I had emailed a friend to ask her who her OB was... the next day she emails me that she is also pregnant...  i had high hopes lol... needless to say, they both have babies now.  Anyway... my friend was due 2 days after me.  So it was really really hard... I honestly dont know how i dealt with  it... Just take it one day at a time.

LSzwaya

Thanks for sharing all your stories. Since we were kind of TTC buddies I cant help but feel completely alone. 

ufsandra85

First I am so sorry. that is really hard. I had the same thing happen to me except my friend tried for one week to get pregnant. I got pregnant the week before her and then lost the baby at 6 weeks. 2 days after I started miscarrying she called me crying and said she was losing her baby. Well turns out she didnt. I love her but it is seriously hard to be around her and hear about her baby because all I can think about is that is what should be happening to me. She also has never lost a baby nor has struggled to get pregnant (ie ONE week of trying, not bitter or anything lol) so she sometimes says some pretty insensitive stuff but I honestly dont think she knows what she is saying. so to sum it up i cope by avoiding her baby talk and I dont hang out with her as much. she is an awesome person but it is just too painful for me right now I hope you find a better way to cope than I have

mork

((hugs)) I recently learned one of my good friends is pg.  I've been lucky up until this point, in that no one close to me was pg during my struggles this past year.  But, I know SIL is ready for #3, and I've been waiting for the shoe to drop on that one.  I actually thought it would happen at Christmas, but it didn't.  

Anyway, I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with my friend's pg, but I can tell you that she's already begun to pull away from me.  She actually drove from another state to be with me after I lost the twins, which I really appreciated.  But then, after a long stint of not hearing from her, I called and she told me she was 8 weeks along.  I haven't heard much from her since.  I'm excited for her, and she knows it will be hard for me, but I'm not sure how this is all going to work out.  Will she not involve me anymore?  Will I push her away too?  I just don't know.

butterfly843

I've found some of my friends who've gotten pg after my losses distance themselves from me like they are afraid loss is contagious. Suddenly they come around after they have their babies I guess hoping for gifts. Hopefully your friends are nicer then some people I thought were friends.

LSzwaya

Thanks ladies. I am glad I am not the only one who struggles with this. Sometimes I feel like my IRL friends think I am insane, but then none of them are dealing with what I am so I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. They just don't understand.