xp- When/how to host preemie shower

carmenlarue

Hey ladies!

Back again to help my friend who had twin girls in Nov, but wasnt due til Feb. We want to give her a shower, but when? The girls are due home Jan 20th, and do we feature pix of the girls since they will not be able to be there, or do you wait until they are bigger? Not sure of preemie etiquette... any advice helps! tia

iristony

It would be nice to pull it off before the babies come home.  Once the babies come home during the peak of flu season she will prob not want them at a shower with all the germs and she will have hands full with the two of them and will probably not want to leave them with sitter or hubby for the day quite yet...  Also, there may be many things she needs before they come home.  My shower was 2 weeks after son was born.  He was still in NICU and it was really hard for me to go to shower and be away from him for a chunk of the day, but at least I know he was getting around the clock care plus my hubby spent day in Nicu with him whil I was at shower. 

iristony

Oh- and whatever you do  - let her know before you plan it.  Do not surprise her.  Between spending time at hospital, pumping (if she is doing that), getting house ready for babies, etc... she will have limited time as is.  let her know date you are planning it for.

urbanflowerpot

These answers are going to vary a lot - as PP's have said please ask her! and ask in a way where she won't feel any pressure - like not in front of other people.

My shower was held on the day it was planned before the preemie birth - one month before my DD. I went to it before going to NICU - my pumping situation was crazy, I didn't want to bring the pump anywhere - I was super overwhelmed.

In retrospect I can say I hated it. I didn't want to be there, I was miserable, I forced being "happy" for my work friends - they didn't understand - it was terrible. I wanted to cry - and it still upsets me when I think back on it. Opening all these outfits that looked like sails for boats compared with my LO was depressing.

The girl who threw it was a doll - she is still worried I had a terrible time.

I wish there had been a tactful way to say no thanks - if people had wanted to give me something I wish it wouldn't have been tasteless to say 'have it delivered' or 'gift card' or whatever. All I wanted was my baby to come home, anyway - who cared about gifts when you were afraid and traumatized.

Sorry for the vent but those are my preemie mom feelings.

kck329

Ditto everyone else--start by talking to the mom. Also, Jan 20 is a long way away in NICU time so don't be surprised if the babies don't come home on that date. It could be sooner or later depending on how they do. Every single day is a game changer in the NICU.

FWIW we had my shower when DD was a month old and still in the NICU on the day it was scheduled for before her birth. The hosts turned it into a celebration of her life and made it really special. We brought a photo album of her pictures so people could see how far she had come in the four weeks since her birth. It was a really emotional day for me--it was the longest I spent away from her bedside and it is surreal to have a shower while your baby is in the hospital so I cried a lot. But it was a good day and good for me to do something "normal" to celebrate my DD. If she is nervous about it, you may ask if she wants a coed shower so her DH can be there to celebrate too-that helped me a lot and it was good for him to have a chance to see all our friends as well.

Good luck and have fun!

jenifairies

My grandma is throwing one for us Jan 15 (a month before her due date - she'll be 3.5mos old). I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing it right after she was born because I was so consumed with worry. And I don't want to wait until after she comes home because she won't be going to any parties for awhile.

 

cutcopypaste

Mine was 8 weeks before her due date, the same day it would have been if she hadn't been born early. She was 6 weeks old and we were at a "safe" point where I wasn't worried about whether or not she would survive anymore. I would make sure she is at that point with the twins before the shower or else it could be really depressing for her. If she's already at that point then I say do it anytime! But do it before they come home because the last place preemies need to be is a baby shower in the winter. Also especially with twins, she will probably want to be ready for their arrival home. We posted pictures of Cameron at mine and it was fun. For me it was the turning point when I could finally be excited about my new baby girl.

As pp said, that January 20th date will change. They didn't give me a discharge date until 2 days before she was going home because they just never know if something can change.