Two Under 2

When did it feel "real"?

I am 16 weeks along with our suprise #2, DS just turned one!  I am feeling so guilty because I just feel no connection to this new baby...I forget that I am pregnant some days!

 I remember being this far along with DS and being so excited, thinking of names and already feeling a connection, but this time around, it's so completely different and I am feeling really guilty about it!  It doesn't help that my SIL is expecting their first the same week as me, and my MIL keeps commenting on how much more excited SIL is than I amSad

When did you feel connected to baby #2? 

Re: When did it feel "real"?

  • This may sound horrible, but for me I didn't feel a real bond with Cate until I had her. I was so consumed with Annabelle that I forgot to take care of myself as well as I should have. Now that I have them both I couldn't imagine ever not feeling a bond with her. But I think it's normal. 
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  • The pregnancy wasn't ever as exciting as the first time around.  I think that's normal.  It felt real when I had my c-section and saw her. :)
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  • imageMamatoJackson:
    The pregnancy wasn't ever as exciting as the first time around.  I think that's normal.  It felt real when I had my c-section and saw her. :)

    This

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  • For me, it was just different the second time. The first time was all about me and the baby and getting ready and excitement, etc. The second time was all about the new baby and taking care of him, so I had no time to think about me or the baby that was growing in my belly.

    Like the others said, once he was born was when it felt real. But I have such a special bond with him, it melts my heart. So no worries that it will change anything once your LO arrives, you will still bond and have a wonderful connection!

  • Honestly, I was so sick for the first 4-5 months of my second pregnancy that it was impossible for me to bond with DD2. I didn't really start to feel a connection with her until the end of my pregnancy and even after her birth, it took me awhile to really feel a bond. It seemed so weird that I had just had a little girl but she wasn't Abigail (DD1), if that makes any sense. I'm totally and completely in love with her now!
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  • imageAshleygoo:
    This may sound horrible, but for me I didn't feel a real bond with Cate until I had her. I was so consumed with Annabelle that I forgot to take care of myself as well as I should have. Now that I have them both I couldn't imagine ever not feeling a bond with her. But I think it's normal. 

    Ditto.  Once I held him it was all good and I stopped worrying I wouldn't love him enough.  :D)

  • Maybe a little bit when I was really far along, but as they were wheeling me in for my csection all I could think about was my first LO.  It even crossed my mind that they were going to show me the baby and I was supposed to feel all emotional, but that I was sure I wouldn't.  Then they showed me my baby and in a split second it's like my entire life just whizzed by and I burst out crying, overwhelmed with love for him.  I never expected it, but in that moment I loved him as much as I loved my first LO, which I never thought was possible.
  • imageWhitePicketFence:
    Honestly, I was so sick for the first 4-5 months of my second pregnancy that it was impossible for me to bond with DD2. I didn't really start to feel a connection with her until the end of my pregnancy and even after her birth, it took me awhile to really feel a bond. It seemed so weird that I had just had a little girl but she wasn't Abigail (DD1), if that makes any sense. I'm totally and completely in love with her now!

    I totally know what you mean.  DS1 is in daycare full-time still, so I am home with DS2 during the week.. and there are times I look at him or think about him and realize I'm thinking about him as DS1.  It's very surreal.  They're even pretty different kids, don't look too much alike, but there's something odd about the fact that it was less than 2 years ago when DS1 was a newborn so my mind still goes back there!

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  • I'm still waiting to completely connect with DD, although I imagine it'll happen at birth like so many of the PPers.  It did became much more real when I started feeling stronger movements from her, especially the night that she repeatedly kicked our dog in the head (he'd laid his head on my belly.) But, at this point she's still just an inside baby I'm waiting to meet.

    I'm just waiting to jump from her being real to her being "my DD", you know?  I think it's easy to get lost in your older child until the younger one is outside and demanding attention too. ;)

    Lucas Arlo - 2/26/10, Cordelia Jane - 1/20/12 
    #3 is due 8/27/14

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  • I agree with all the previous posts.  For me it didn't feel real until DS was here.  I was so consumed with taking care of #1, I didn't have time to think about #2.
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  • I was so busy with #1 it didn't feel real until I was in labor and delivered her. I missed out on that bonding during the pregnancy with #2 but I actually felt a stronger connection and bond when she was born than I did with #1. I think it's because I didn't have those first mom jitters about trying to do everything right. I was much more relaxed and bonded much better with her. I think every pregnancy, every delivery, and every experience is different!
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