Does your Ex rely on you to keep his schedule straight?

turtle1120

I don't think DB will ever grow up and get his $hit together.  If the schedule isn't the same every week, he can't keep it straight.

He emailed me this morning asking "when I'm going to make DD available to him this weekend."  My response was please refer to the the October 7th court order.  Of course he sent a couple nasty emails back.  I wanted to respond and say grow up and be responsible for yourself, but I didn't.  Do they ever grow up?

FyreFlyeRush

We don't have a schedule, since he was a no show at court for the paternity hearing, it's "As agreed upon". However, he still flakes out at the last minute or calls Thursday asking to have her on the weekend without regard to the fact that she may have school stuff or we may have made plans.

DD is 15, and Ex is 39 today, so, no, they never grow up. On the plus side, I'm just glad he's a part of her life after 12 years of absence. Which, btw, he always said was his fault, so...maybe they grow up a little.

BMenz

Absolutely. All the time. 

...and no, they never grow up. He just turned 32 and hangs out with 21-23 year olds.  

turtle1120

Well I'm not playing this game.  I responded and told him to refer to the court order. I'm not going to be his bi$ch for the next 17 years.

JCGreene85

He used too. I didn't mind it because I somewhat had control over when he saw DS. Now, even with a CO, sometimes he decides to follow it, and others he doesn't. If he doesn't give me enough notice for his visitation he's SOL. : ) 

DarthNBJenni

I don't speak to him. If he misses his day, it's on him. I don't ask if he plans on taking the girls, and I don't work with his excuses. If a single man with few other obligations can't make time for his kids, then maybe he should hire a secretary.

LadyLissame

Not anymore.... luckily. I created a Google Calendar that states who has Alex when. It is set up so that STBX, his parents, and my parents can see it. That way, if they want to plan something and want Alex there (like the family pictures we had done recently) they know what days they can and cannot do it.

turtle1120

I can see how the Google calendar would be helpful, however, I would basically be laying out the schedule for him and keeping things up-to-date.  He wouldn't take any responsibility and put anything on there or actually use it.  So, again, it would be me holding his hand and helping him out.

He ended up going to his attorney and getting the court order I told him to refer to.  Then he sent the court order to me saying it didn't say anything about NYE or NY day.  My response was....see #6, page 2, NY day (2012) from 9-1 p.m.  And yet he still tried to argue with me.  Aaaarrrghhhh!!!

turtle1120

alibabbbs:

turtle1120:

I can see how the Google calendar would be helpful, however, I would basically be laying out the schedule for him and keeping things up-to-date.  He wouldn't take any responsibility and put anything on there or actually use it.  So, again, it would be me holding his hand and helping him out.

He ended up going to his attorney and getting the court order I told him to refer to.  Then he sent the court order to me saying it didn't say anything about NYE or NY day.  My response was....see #6, page 2, NY day (2012) from 9-1 p.m.  And yet he still tried to argue with me.  Aaaarrrghhhh!!!

Interestingly, I've actually spent time talking about this in therapy! I'm resentful that I still have to take care of him when he has OW to do that now. What it comes down to is that I'm going to be holding his hand/wiping his asss in some respect or another for the next 16 or so years at least, so if there is a way I can make that easier on myself, I certainly will. It is easier for me to update the calendar (XH never has) than it would be to field texts, calls, or emails about the schedule.

I had a whole therapy session about whether or not what we have is truly a coparenting situation vs. a parent and a crappy babysitter situation. All facts point to #2. All decisions and responsibilities will fall on me regardless of whether or not they should, and I've now come to terms with that.

At least I know others deal with this.  And like you, I'm not in a co-parenting situation.  It's definitely a parent and a crappy babysitter - that made me laugh!  Thanks

Perhaps I'll look into this Google calendar thing.  I think at the very least it would help to eleviate our email arguments which would be wonderful.  I cringe every time I see an email from DB and think....here we go again.  Nothing gets resolved in less than 10 emails back and forth.  Do you have to have a gmail account?  I only have yahoo email.