SIL Issues...Help

Angel2416

I don't know if anyone is even on here tonight, but if anyone is...your advice is welcomed.

My SIL has had it out for me since day one. She met me once, then told her brother she hated me. We have had our shares of ups and downs, and in the end I am always the one to let by gones be by gones (sp?). To give you an idea of some of the other things she's pulled...she single handedly ruined our wedding reception by screaming that I was a B**** at the top of her lungs while guests were arriving. That is just one of her MANY outbursts for no apparent reason. I'm not saying I am an angel, but she does a lot of things unprovoked.

DH and I decided after 9 years of this craziness to just stop speaking to her. She was not invited over to our home today, BUT still sent a present for our DS. I really don't want it and I want to give it back to her. My husband doesn't know how to handle it.

What do you think?

LadyXaverian

I'd probably keep it, send a small written thank you note, and move on.

Mrs.Saxy

we kind of have an issue like that with DH's aunt. 

We didn't respond to any gifts she gave to our boys. This year she sent nothing and didn't even call....thank goodness.

If you thank her, you're inviting her back in.  I say return it, but that might give more problems.

I don't know...it reallly depends on her demeanor. 

lorist202

SarahL77:

I'd probably keep it, send a small written thank you note, and move on.

Totally agree.  A brief, simple note shows that you are polite. You don't have to invite her over for coffee.  However, if you can't be bothered, it sounds like it probably won't harm the relationship anyway...

kewltif

I agree about the thank you note. If you email/text/Facebook it's an invite for a response.

Maryland Baby

I agree. Responding with a note opens up the door again.. you have welcomed her gift. It's such a shame because for normal people it's polite to say thank you, unfortunately if you feel that strongly not to talk to her don't send a note, and don't send the gift back just keep it as that will cause more problems. 

I am the same with my SIL except she is doing it behind my back, DH doesn't want to hear it he thinks I overreact. It will all come back to her eventually but for now I am being the bigger person. (deep breath) 

Veittobe

I would say go ahead and send a thankyou card but sign it from your LO only.  That way you are not completely ignoring her, but you're keeping yourself and DH detached a bit as well.  

dannie2011

You kept her out of your lives for 9yrs for a reason. I would not send a thank you note back, that would be opening doors you shut long ago.

shaindelr

I know that this isn't what you're asking, but does she have some sort of history of mental illness and has she sought treatment at all? I'm just asking because my sister did something similar to my then-husband at my first wedding. Other people were horrified, but when I think of my sister as someone under the enormous pressure of her mental illness, it makes me sad that people in my family "made" her be at my wedding...

When my sister is on medication, she's as normal as most eccentric artist-type people, but when she's not, she can't be expected to act appropriately (she's schizophrenic and has delusions).

Maybe there's a way of addressing this as a family if there is a mental illness issue--not inviting SIL if she isn't medicated, etc.

 

jboricua

I also have a crazy SIL, and after trying to make peace with her a couple times, I don't deal with her no more, when the twins were born she went and bought them each a gift, and sent it over with MIL, I wasn;t home so when I got home I drove the gifts bck to MIL's house and returned them I told her I didn't want them... I know MIL was pissed but I don't want anything from her(SIL), DH didn't say anything about it to me, I guess he knows better, so if you feel like returning to her I say go ahead