Great Grandma with holding issues?!? help please

daniellecleasby

So our girls great grandma saw the girls for the first time this holiday and she made me really nervous.  She was trying to walk around holding them and was re positioning them without head support (moving them from over the shoulder to cradle position).  The babies were screaming and hating all of it.  We are going to stay at my husbands parents house and she is also there for the next 3 days... how do I address this?  I don't know that I even want her holding them.  I guess it is okay if she only holds them in cradle position and sits but how do I tell her that?

TIA

KarlsSweetie05

no advice, but I am anxious for answers too.  our problem is with a great aunt.  She can barely walk herself, much less hold a baby.  How do we not hurt her feelings when she wants to hold the twins and we say "no" or "only if you sit on the couch and put pillows around you"?

JenLC99

When she asks to hold the babies, I personally would just say, very politely with a sweet smile "I would prefer that you sit down first." You could even put it off on yourself and laugh it off by saying, "I'm just a nervous mommy!"  I can understand that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but when it comes to your babies' safety you gotta do what you gotta do.  I had to do the same thing with my MIL when she would hold my first daughter, because she had a degenerative brain disease and was losing motor control.  

blissfullyignorant

JenLC99:

When she asks to hold the babies, I personally would just say, very politely with a sweet smile "I would prefer that you sit down first." You could even put it off on yourself and laugh it off by saying, "I'm just a nervous mommy!"  I can understand that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but when it comes to your babies' safety you gotta do what you gotta do.  I had to do the same thing with my MIL when she would hold my first daughter, because she had a degenerative brain disease and was losing motor control.  

This is what I did. I'd also step in if she isn't supporting their heads and try to give her a friendly reminder that they still need head support.

Switzerland87

blissfullyignorant:

JenLC99:

When she asks to hold the babies, I personally would just say, very politely with a sweet smile "I would prefer that you sit down first." You could even put it off on yourself and laugh it off by saying, "I'm just a nervous mommy!"  I can understand that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but when it comes to your babies' safety you gotta do what you gotta do.  I had to do the same thing with my MIL when she would hold my first daughter, because she had a degenerative brain disease and was losing motor control.  

This is what I did. I'd also step in if she isn't supporting their heads and try to give her a friendly reminder that they still need head support.

I completely agree with both these ladies. Especially with new babies, people kind of expect a nervous, hovering mommy. And if that's what it takes to keep your babies safe and comfortable, then that's what it takes.  

macchiatto

Yep, I agree with the pp's, too. I know it can be a little awkward but there's not much else you can do.

jdancer5

My MIL has tremors, so she could only hold the boys while sitting. She agreed before she came to visit that this was the only safe way. I can understand that it would be tough with an elderly person who doesn't see their limitations. Is there any chance you can blame it on the pediatrician? That "she said" seniors and children can only hold them while sitting? I agree that you don't want to hurt any feelings, so it may come better from DH if it's his Gma? GL! One way or another this has to be solved because the risk of an accident trumps all

kris_kelsey

you could say they have a tendency to arch their backs and throw themselves backwards so it would be best for everyone if they sat down to hold them. 

kelliwill

kris_kelsey:

you could say they have a tendency to arch their backs and throw themselves backwards so it would be best for everyone if they sat down to hold them. 

This.  We had to do this with DH's grandma when we went to OK to visit them this past summer.  She could barely walk herself and she'd try to pick them up and carry them.  We had to tell her multiple times it's not okay (and they were not babies anymore, but it still wasn't safe).  and she eventually got it.  But we had to stay on it.  Hopefully your stay is/was okay!! 

JJGilmore

Your intuition seems right on. Who cares if you seem overly protective; you're the most in tune person to your baby, and if she seems to hate being held like that, say something. 

My sister had the same reservations about my Dad's girlfriend, who is older than my Dad, probably in her mid 70's. She is a nice lady, but appears to have trouble with her sight at times. Anyway, she was holding her just fine, but she tripped on an area rug and dropped the baby! She caught her fall on one arm (to protect the baby, she said) but the whole incident freaked everyone out and my sister was understandably upset and livid. This woman is sweet and all, but didn't know her limits and put her baby in harm's way. 

The baby was fine of course, but it shook everyone up and made a very uncomfortable situation for my sister and my family for weeks to come. Basically my sister gathered up her family and left immediately (sort of a rash reaction, but who am I to judge?) This caused my Dad's girlfriend to feel horrible for days, and my Dad to try to juggle sides. Missed calls and several apologies and it's okays later, things are okay, but so much drama. I just tell you as a cautionary tale next time you feel bad for insisting your GGma sit down while holding the baby, or even not hold her at all. You really are doing yourself and your baby a good thing by avoiding all the stress and drama of a potential accident. And as a new mother, you don't need the stress.