My mom is a jerk

NeverEnoughTime

I don't really know why I am posting this, but the board is dead, you guys need stuff to read.

Backstory: my mom smokes like a chimney in her home. I told her LO couldnt go there but she can come visit whenever she wants. We live an hour away and apparently thats too far for her to drive.  She hasn't seen him since he was 1 month old, and even then, we brought LO to her house and stayed outside the whole time. Anyways, she took HUGE offence to the baby not being allowed in her house, blah blah. I invited her over several times, she said she didnt want to "contaminate our home". She's being a baby.

Anyways, I havent heard from her in months. She didnt write or call on my bday, whatever. Tuesday, I get home from the mall and theres a package on the doorstep. I open it and its some gifts for LO. I sent her an email "got your package,thanks. Do you want to come over so he can open then with you?". No response. So I call her this morning. "Hi, did you get my email?" "yes, he can open his gift whenever he wants. babies dont know when it's Christmas. Have a good one!" click.

What a jerk. She's mad at me because i wont bring LO to her smokey house, I get that. But she's totally taking it out on LO and I think thats sh!tty. I think its sh!tty that he wont know his GM on my side.

Her loss..right?

lorist202

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.  It's not just her loss, it's obviously your and LO's as well.  

It sounds like she is more ashamed then anything else, and this situation is rubbing salt into the wound. 

However, I totally agree that you have to do what's best for your child.  I'm sure you've already thought of this, but is there any reason why you couldn't have lunch/ dinner with your mom and LO at a restaurant near her house?  Just a possible compromise....

You should have a heart-to-heart with her, and explain that you just want what's best for LO.  That is, to avoid a smoky atmosphere, and also for him to know his GM.  Maybe even ask her for some input as to make both of those things happen.

Good luck.

sparkymcgeee

I agree with lorist. It's everyone's loss and a compromise needs to be made. Good luck.

Athena0809

lorist202:

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.  It's not just her loss, it's obviously your and LO's as well.  

It sounds like she is more ashamed then anything else, and this situation is rubbing salt into the wound. 

However, I totally agree that you have to do what's best for your child.  I'm sure you've already thought of this, but is there any reason why you couldn't have lunch/ dinner with your mom and LO at a restaurant near her house?  Just a possible compromise....

You should have a heart-to-heart with her, and explain that you just want what's best for LO.  That is, to avoid a smoky atmosphere, and also for him to know his GM.  Maybe even ask her for some input as to make both of those things happen.

Good luck.

I couldn't have said it better! And avoid the "you this, you that" speak in "I feel" or she'll get defensive. She is being a jerk, however it's up to both of you. GL and sorry you are going through that.

NeverEnoughTime

She has suggested meeting in a restaraunt before, but I can't really wrap my head around a "restaraunt relationship" with her GS. You guys all know what its like to take them at this age to a restaraunt. H and I haven't ate out in public in probably 4 months at least.   I just cant imagine how it would go. Watching him grow up this way. "let GM see you walk!" as he walks across a public room? I dunno.. I cant figure it out.

CanuckFan03

mullenem:

While it'd be nice that this would be a kick in the butt and she'd quit smoking, it doesn't look like that'll happen.  It's definitely her loss, but there's more you can do too.  I get what you're saying about the restaurant relationship but there are other options too.  And maybe her seeing him in a restaurant and starting a relationship with him would give her the motivation to come out and see you guys.  Also, you can meet her at a Children's Museum, the zoo in the summer, the library, etc.  It is crappy how she is acting though.  I say a heart to heart is definitely in order.

I do know how you feel though.  I haven't spoken to my dad in years.  My parents got divorced when I was a freshman in college (dad was cheating) and it was such a mess. Eventually he just chose his new wife over us (but blamed it on us not making an effort).  Since A has been born, I've sent him an announcement, emailed him, and given a message to him through some of that side of the family.  But, no response.  We even invited him to come up.  No answer.  We've gotten a couple Christmas cards this year commenting on how cute A is and that they "hope he comes around."  It's just sad. I don't want to have to explain why she doesn't have a grandpa on that side to her later.

Everyone has said such good stuff already.

I agree that it sounds like a heart-to-heart is in order, with you letting her know that while you won't bring him for a good reason, its just as important to you that LO knows his grandma. Starting in public places in between like above is a good start, and hopefully, once she gets to know LO, she'll feel more compelled to see him more more often, and make the drive to your house. I'm sorry you're dealing with this - its pretty crappy.