Would you be upset?

jigglyjelloo

So I invited my MIL and SIL and her family over for Christmas dinner on Christmas.  MIL lives about 20 mins away and SIL about 45.  In order for SIL to come we have to go and pick some of the kids up because they only have a small car and there is not enough room in it for all 5 of them (3kids +2 parents).  It is kind of a pain in the butt but we do it so that we can spend time together as a family.

I got a text back from SIL saying that MIL just wants to do their own thing this year because she has to work the next day.  Usually this wouldn't be a problem, but they all know that we are planning on moving back to Canada next year and this may be the last chance we get to spend Christmas together for the next several years.

I could understand MIL not wanting to cook and host Christmas being that she has to work, but it is not like she has to do anything other than show up. 

For myself it doesn't really bother me, but for my DH and DD it does.  It seems the only time they call DH is when they need something, usually money and since we have been cash strapped lately the calls have been few and far between.  And being that DD is only 1 she will not remember this, but I would think that as a grandparent you would want to spend whatever Christmas' you could with your grandchildren.  I know that my parents would die to have the opportunity to spend Christmas with us. 

Would you be hurt or upset by this or am I over reacting?

newbee36

I don't think you are over reacting. I would be upset too. Especially knowing that DH will be hurt. It is not like your MIL has 10 children. But maybe she just wants quiet holidays and will make up to you some other time. I personally prefer off holiday weekends for spending time with family/friends. I really don't fit well in this Christmas shopping euphoria and everything that goes with it.

stever

You're absolutely right to be upset

BrideBuddies

You have every right to feel upset.  Perhaps your DH should remind his mother that this will be the last Christmas together for a while and she's only 20 freakin' minutes away.  Surely she can peel herself away for a few minutes to stop by and say hello to your granddaughter.  (Okay, not that snarkily)

As for the SIL... what kind of goofballs are they that the don't have a car that can hold their whole family.  Tell 'em to bring two cars, then.  That's lame.  But being the bigger person, it's fine to offer to pick them up.

But there is a danger in having too high of expectations of people.  Is your MIL the type to visit often?  Or is she just not interested in your daughter.  Some people just ain't the "grandma" type, ya know.   Just because it's the holidays.. that doesn't mean they will change.

 

 

jigglyjelloo

My SIL and her family are actually not very well off and can't afford the 2nd vehicle.  They did have a van,the head gasket blew and they couldn't afford to fix it, and they didn't want to keep making payments on a broken down van so it was repo'd.  That is why we don't mind picking them up.  I can understand being in their situation

MIL is usually pretty family oriented, and definitely loves being a grandma, so that isn't the case.  I could understand her not wanting to host Christmas with having to work, but we are just asking her to come for dinner....how exhausting can that be???

BrideBuddies

Bummer about the SIL's situation.. I'd absolutely go get them all.. even if your MIL doesn't want to come.  It's her loss.

But I do think your DH (not you.. him) needs to have a little talk with grandma.

Strunella

I would absolutely be upset.  I agree that your DH needs to talk to his mom and explain how disappointed he'll be if she doesn't show up.  Tell her it's not going to be an all-day thing and that she should at least come for a few hours.  It's not like she has to travel for pete's sake!  Sometimes, you really do wonder where people's heads are at!

jigglyjelloo

So DH spoke to MIL and she was going to come over on Christmas to have dinner with us, but SIL just wants to spend it with her own family, which I can understand. 

But when DH was talking to MIL she said BIL is coming  tomorrow to see his daughter (BIL is a recovering drug addict and his daughter lives with his Dad 45 mins from here).  So I suggested that we have Christmas dinner tomorrow night when BIL is here.  He has done some pretty crappy things in the past (stole and pawned our wedding rings on our wedding day!!) because of the drugs, but he is trying really hard to get his life back on track, so I thought it would be a nice gesture. 

So off to the store to get a turkey!!

 

BrideBuddies

Sounds like a plan!   And what a nice gesture to your BIL.