weird question-- do you ever think you were cursed or something

sandykins

like someone is out to get you or that you are being "paid back" for a wrong you did. I keep thinking back upon my life to figure out why I deserve this. So far, I've got nothing.

hewinked

Yup.  I think about it all the time.  I think it's my karma for something wrong I've done.

Petunia844

I don't really think this... I guess it helps me to think of it this way: stillbirths unfortunately happen, more than I ever knew.  If they are going to happen, why not me?  I haven't done anything that makes me a better person than anybody else... if somebody has to shoulder the burden, there's no reason I should be exempt. That being said, I still struggle a lot with why it happens at all.  That I can't figure out or explain.

starrkitten89

hewinked:

Yup.  I think about it all the time.  I think it's my karma for something wrong I've done.

This,absolutely.

Heatherhah

I know this is silly but I think that I jinxed my pregnancy , 2 days before Sydney died I told my Doctor who hadn't seen me that day that I didnt want her delivering me anyway since they refused to do it Wednesday even though she was showing some signs of not moving a lot. The 2 drs one was on call the next day and still rejected my request for my c section to be moved up and then she asked if I was going to get my tubes tied and I told her no I was supersticious and that what if something happened to Sydney I would want to try again and then 2 days later she died. I think it was my fault. Heather

Buckets of Moonbeams

Yes.  My first daughter had a heart defect that required open heart surgery when she was 6 months old.  She was SO ill her first 9 months of life.  And then our son had such extensive heart defects he was unable to survive outside the womb.  And yet they tell us heart defects are "random."  ( I think there is a genetic tendency they just haven't discovered yet, like H and I are both recessive carriers for a tendency towards heart defects.)  So with a history like that, yes.  I 100% feel like I'm being punished for every wrong I've ever committed.  The cradle Catholic guilt does nothing to help this feeling, although I haven't practiced since I found out my son was going to die.

Carolee

YES!!  I ask myself/God all the time what I possibly did to deserve all of this. 

johnnys june

I don't really think "it's bad karma" or "I did something wrong."  Instead, I think "why the hell was I so good all the time????"  Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect.  But I have lived "responsibly" and tried to be kind and loving my whole life.  I "take care of people" as my dad says.  And yet....this happened to me.  I wonder, if I was a crack head if I could have had my baby in my arms.  KWIM? It happens.  I don't get it.

butterfly843

I've had the same thoughts, I know it sounds crazy but I also believe sometimes that someone is jinxing or has a voo doo doll against me.

pottermommy

Yup, all the time.  I go over and over all of the bad things that have happend and think back on the things that I possibly could have done to desearve it.....It is a vicious cycle.....

MeggM1

I know this sounds horrible but I am convinced there is a curse on the women in my family.  There has been either an infant loss or a very horrific event happen in every generation, and I feel like I'm this generation's tribute or something.  I come from a large family and my mom keeps telling me that these things happen, but I just feel like someone cursed us at some point.  Or that horrible things are genetic - I'm a good case for fraternal twins running in my family (they've happened every generation except my mom's) - and now I think that grief is the same way or something.  That's the only thing I can come up with when I think "why me."

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weddedwife

Sometimes that thought pops up and I try to stifle it. I'm not perfect and I've certainly done some bad stuff in my life. But nothing that would deserve having my child die, so I convince myself that it's not payback.