BTDT....need Ferber pep talk, please. Hardest thing I have ever done, but I think it's best for DS

christyjane17

From the day we brought him home from the hospital, we have laid DS down for bed and he has required a paci, swaddling, and then he has drifted off to sleep peacefully.  Sometimes, we had to put the paci in twice.  Really.  

 

Then, he learned to roll and all h3ll broke loose.  Last week he started rolling in his crib.  The first couple nights, we had no clue what to do.  We rocked, we shhh patted, we flipped him back, we left him there, we fed him...you name it, we tried it. If we rocked him, we woke him up laying him down.  He is so use to falling asleep on his own. By the third night, no one had slept and DS was exhausted.  CIO is what he needs.

 

We are on night 5.  It still sucks.  

Night 1: 55 minutes-obviously with us checking on him.

Night 2: 20 minutes:

Night 3: 45 minutes

Night 4: 15 minutes.

Naps...terrible.

 

The issue is not staying asleep, it's falling asleep.  After the first couple nights of getting use to sleep on his belly, he has slept all night.  I am just SO sad listening to him cry.  

 

I guess what I am looking for is reassurance that the end will justify the means.  I want to know that all of these tears will subside and I will have my sweet little boy that loves bedtime back.  How much longer?

MouseInLux

You dont have to do CIO, especialy if you don't feel good doing it! There are other options, is it just that he rolls while going to sleep? If so maybe just prop him there with rolled up towels until he is asleep then take them out uf you are scared of suffocation. I could never let DD CIO!

christyjane17

MouseInLux:

You dont have to do CIO, especialy if you don't feel good doing it! There are other options, is it just that he rolls while going to sleep? If so maybe just prop him there with rolled up towels until he is asleep then take them out uf you are scared of suffocation. I could never let DD CIO!

I tried the positioner until he fell asleep. He rolled anyway.  He WANTS to sleep on his belly, he is just having a hard time learning how.  

I truly believe that CIO is what is best for DS.  To each their own! 

MouseInLux

Scout2005:

christyjane17:

MouseInLux:

You dont have to do CIO, especialy if you don't feel good doing it! There are other options, is it just that he rolls while going to sleep? If so maybe just prop him there with rolled up towels until he is asleep then take them out uf you are scared of suffocation. I could never let DD CIO!

I tried the positioner until he fell asleep. He rolled anyway. He WANTS to sleep on his belly, he is just having a hard time learning how.

I truly believe that CIO is what is best for DS. To each their own!

as I said if you dont like it...

Pennylane824

It will get better. It's one of the hardest things I had to deal with because I knew that crying it out was the best option for my girls but that does not make listening to them cry any easier. Try to keep yourself distracted and take turns being on "duty" with your partner. It will get better. promise! 

christyjane17

Scout2005:

Naps...we still have issues. I wouldn't do Ferber during naps while you are working on night sleep, personally. Get the night stuff sorted out, and then work on naps.

Thanks so much for the encouraging success story.  I obviously hate to hear my sweet child cry, but I also know it has to be done.  It's night to hear that I am not alone.

 The only reason I am working on naps, too is because he is a crib sleeper.  If I rock him to sleep, I wake him up when I lay him down.  If I pat his back, he gets mad that I am in there but not holding him-understandable.  So we are fighting the good fight during nap time, too.   

SarahKate31

We originally tried Ferber when DS was about 4.5 months and we were making progress when he came down with a cold and we stopped. We started up again a couple weeks ago. DS's issue was also falling asleep. It was taking us 3+ hours to get him to go down and stay down.

This round of Ferber went pretty much as well as can be expected. But the 2nd night, he cried only 5 mins. Now he cries for 2-3 mins on average, then sleeps 9-10 hours straight. Some nights (like last night) he didn't cry at all and slept for 11.5 hours. Occasionally, he has a bad night and he will cry for 15 mins or so (with visits from us), but overall, it's working for us. It does get better!! He wakes up happy every morning too!

ETA: Ferber hasn't really worked for us for naps either. Not sure why. So we will usually rock him for naps, and lay him in the crib (on his tummy) and usually this works. If not and we really need him to nap, we just have him nap on us. He rarely naps more than an hour anyway.

Lisa Frank

The end will justify the means. And the 3rd night regression is very typical.  It looks like it's getting better, so hold tight and BE CONSISTENT!!!! You are doing everything you need to be doing and it looks to me like it's paying off. 

Worry about naps after his night sleep is established. Keep it up, Mom! I promise you it will get better

suv75

I lightly bounce my 8 month old in the bouncy and transfer to crib after he is asleep for 10 min. If I don't wait the full 10 min he wakes up. Maybe you need to wait before you transfer after rocking for naps? Just a thought... Good luck momma!

Ernie52408

As much as I hated listening to him cry- Ferber was the best decision we made.

DS couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep- he was up at least every hour. We started Ferber at 5.5 months and dropped the swaddle and paci. The first night was hell. He cried for an hour and woke up quite a few times during the night. The second night he cried for 30 minutes and slept for 11 hours straight. A few weeks later I started Ferber for naps and we went from having to be held for a nap (if he even took a nap) to sleeping 30-45 minutes in his crib.

The first week was by far the hardest. DS sometimes woke up at 4 or 5 and would be awake for the day. But each day he made a little progress. Now I can lay him in the crib and he'll talk or sing for 20 minutes and fall asleep. Occasionally he does cry still, but usually it's "I'm mad Mommy is making me go to sleep" cry.

Alot people criticize CIO but it has made DS a much happier and healthier baby now that he is actually getting sleep. It has also made for a much happier momma!

rjveldman

Have you tried swaddling him? We do that for our DS and it prevents him from being able to roll in his crib.

christyjane17

rjveldman:

Have you tried swaddling him? We do that for our DS and it prevents him from being able to roll in his crib.

He was swaddled from the beginning, but I consider it unsafe to swaddle a baby who can roll. What if he did?  The thought of his arms being trapped while on his belly bothers me worse than the crying... 

christyjane17

Thanks so so much for the success stories.  I will hang in there because I know my baby needs rest and I think this is the best way for him to get it!!

lbgriffith

You will get through it!  Our issue was with DS not staying asleep (fell asleep like a champ, but then woke up like 8 times a night).  As PPs have said, night 3 is the hardest.  Everything was WAY better after night 4-5 but still for about 2 weeks after starting Ferber, I still dreaded bedtime because I never knew what the night might bring. But now 2 months later, bedtime is a happy time for DS, DH and I get couple time (which we were not getting before because we needed to get sleep while we could!), we are all getting a full night's sleep, and DS is happy and healthy.  He never wakes up crying in the morning.  He is always happy and playing.  Be consistent and everything will run it's course. 

rjveldman

Sorry - I'm so used to just swaddling his legs. He's never tolerated having his arms confined. We just swaddle him from the armpits down and he hasn't rolled once. And I'd dare say that if he can roll one way, he can roll back, and if he can't he'll start screaming. With his arms out - he can hold his head up, so I don't worry about him smothering himself or anything. Maybe try it - see if it helps. It would beat listening to your child cry for an hour, I guess.

Lisa Frank

rjveldman:

Sorry - I'm so used to just swaddling his legs. He's never tolerated having his arms confined. We just swaddle him from the armpits down and he hasn't rolled once. And I'd dare say that if he can roll one way, he can roll back, and if he can't he'll start screaming. With his arms out - he can hold his head up, so I don't worry about him smothering himself or anything. Maybe try it - see if it helps. It would beat listening to your child cry for an hour, I guess.

He's not crying for an hour. He's down to 15 minutes. That's awesome progress for 4 days!

And why do I get the sense you are being extremely condescending to the OP?

Lisa Frank

AshC311:

I noticed your siggy says your LO is only 4 1/2 months.  May be too young for any form of CIO right now.  I know C wasn't ready until 8 months.  I didn't even try Ferber until well after 6 months.

ETA: And now that we have night time down and have for over a month, I'm just starting to Ferber naps.

But....it IS working.

And I started sleep training my DD at 4-5 months (technically earlier, because we started establishing a pretty set routine with her very early on.) I waited until 6-7 mos. with my DS, and knew I would start earlier with baby #2. We've been STTN for 3 straight months and it's bliss! She naps like a champ, too

rjveldman

Wow Scout and Lisa - you guys completely missed the tone of my post. I was certainly not trying to be condescending - I was simply trying to offer another solution seeing as the OP was having trouble with the CIO method. I'm not sure how I sounded condescending. Geesh.

rjveldman

I guess it didn't seem to me that it WAS working all that well. Her baby was crying for almost an hour (which maybe is what the method expects, I don't know) and although it seemed like the times he was crying was getting shorter, she made it seem like naps weren't happening at all. I'm not against it, and by all means, if its what you want, go for it. I just thought the purpose of these boards was not only to offer support, which people have been doing, but also to offer suggestions that moms might not have thought of. Maybe she can use it in conjunction with what she's doing and have better results. I don't know - it was just an idea I thought I'd throw out there for her to try - I certainly wasn't trying to be snotty. 

It's frustrating that people can't post ideas or try to be helpful without people thinking that they've got bad motives or think they're somehow superior.

Lisa Frank

rjveldman:

I guess it didn't seem to me that it WAS working all that well. Her baby was crying for almost an hour (which maybe is what the method expects, I don't know) and although it seemed like the times he was crying was getting shorter, she made it seem like naps weren't happening at all. I'm not against it, and by all means, if its what you want, go for it. I just thought the purpose of these boards was not only to offer support, which people have been doing, but also to offer suggestions that moms might not have thought of. Maybe she can use it in conjunction with what she's doing and have better results. I don't know - it was just an idea I thought I'd throw out there for her to try - I certainly wasn't trying to be snotty. 

It's frustrating that people can't post ideas or try to be helpful without people thinking that they've got bad motives or think they're somehow superior.

Your comment was not helpful to this particular post. If you can't see that, I won't explain further than what Scout already has.  

 

christyjane17

Thanks for the encouragement.  Three minutes tonight.  I hope to goodness we are almost through this rough patch.  I have hated every second, but I still feel it's what is best for my child.

 Yeah, he is 4 and a half months old, but he was also falling asleep unassisted up until a week ago so I want to encourage him to do so again-for his own good.

 

I realize this issue polarizes people, but we are all moms who want to raise healthy babies!  Let's remember that what works for one will not work for all. I skipped over to this board to see who it HAD worked for and get a pep talk...and after tonight I feel good about where we are. 

kimbo1216

I know I'm late to the game, but I just wanted to say that you LO should be fine to put himself on his tummy. I've always heard that if they can put themselves there, then it's okay. I know she's older than your LO, but DD puts herself on her tummy and we no longer stop her. I will say, she was never a good sleeper, so we were more desperate to just go with it. FYI, we have also started CIO and it's been a life saver! We are not doing progressive waiting. We give her ten minutes any time to work it out before intervening. The first night took an hour of checking every ten minutes. Since then, it's never taken more than fifteen, usually less than ten or none at all. We also use it at naps. Same thing. And it has worked wonders!!! Gl

rjveldman

Lisa Frank:

rjveldman:

I guess it didn't seem to me that it WAS working all that well. Her baby was crying for almost an hour (which maybe is what the method expects, I don't know) and although it seemed like the times he was crying was getting shorter, she made it seem like naps weren't happening at all. I'm not against it, and by all means, if its what you want, go for it. I just thought the purpose of these boards was not only to offer support, which people have been doing, but also to offer suggestions that moms might not have thought of. Maybe she can use it in conjunction with what she's doing and have better results. I don't know - it was just an idea I thought I'd throw out there for her to try - I certainly wasn't trying to be snotty. 

It's frustrating that people can't post ideas or try to be helpful without people thinking that they've got bad motives or think they're somehow superior.

Your comment was not helpful to this particular post. If you can't see that, I won't explain further than what Scout already has.  

 

 

Then let the OP decide that. I offered advice based on what is working for us. She can take it or leave it. But calling someone condescending and arguing over the tone of a post when you don't know the intent is hardly helpful to the OP. So end it here. 

Lisa Frank

christyjane17:

Thanks for the encouragement.  Three minutes tonight.  I hope to goodness we are almost through this rough patch.  I have hated every second, but I still feel it's what is best for my child.

 Yeah, he is 4 and a half months old, but he was also falling asleep unassisted up until a week ago so I want to encourage him to do so again-for his own good.

 

I realize this issue polarizes people, but we are all moms who want to raise healthy babies!  Let's remember that what works for one will not work for all. I skipped over to this board to see who it HAD worked for and get a pep talk...and after tonight I feel good about where we are. 

I'm so happy to hear that it only took 3 minutes.  Yay!

CanuckFan03

Sounds like your LO is making great progress.  

Just wanted to warn you that we had some regression a week or two down the road - one or two nights that were 20ish minutes of crying instead of his couple minutes of fussing. If you anticipate it, its much less scary. Sleep training has worked beautifully for us, and other than the first week, was pretty painless.  

Good luck!