my story (very long)

fairyfey10

I was married 10/08,  Tried from before our wedding till 5/09 to get pregnant, dx'd with PCOS 5/09.  MIL died 6/09.  Started to notice some changes in my h, but nothing earth shattering.  Started fertility treatments 8/09.  Our DD was conceived on the third round of treatment.  I found out I was expecting Thanksgiving 09.

I had a very complicated pregnancy, an SCH, PTL, and GD.  I spent half of it on bed rest.  Things went down hill quickly as my pregnancy progressed.  I thought it would resolve once I delivered.

4/10 h went on a christian retreat.  I was left alone on bed rest, thankfully my parents are close by.  I myself am not christian, h had not been until his mother died.  He came back from this retreat "filled with the holy spirit", and ignoring me to write a bible study with one of his brothers in Christ, over the phone for hours at a time.  I would often end up off from my ordered bed rest to cook and clean because he didn't have time.  It wasn't the fact that he converted that angered me, it was the disregard for me and his daughter.

I delivered 7/10.  Three weeks early, but dd was health, we were overjoyed. Things were no better once I delivered, he insisted that we go to church, take our dd and have her baptized, etc.  I did not appreciate having religion crammed down my throat, I started to become distant.

I left once when dd was 2 months old, foolishly went back when he promised to fix all of the problems (there were many more than just religion).  I thought I could learn to trust him again.

When DD was 10 months old things had deteriorated to hostility.  I picked him up from work one night, and he asked if I still loved him.  I said no.  He grabbed me by the arm, trying to force me to talk to him.  He left bruises that night.

I asked his brother in law to get him the next morning, things were going to escalate worse if he stayed.

With in a few weeks he threatened me verbally over the phone, while he was supposed to be talking to dd.  Finally I broke down and turned him into the police.  They could not arrest him at that point, the bruises were healed and the verbal threat was not enough for harassment.  I filed for an order of protection that day.  

Within another few weeks to a month, he violated the order.  I had him arrested for aggravated assault.  A harder order was put in place and he was given a 2 year sentence instead of one.  I was told by the family court judge that the order only extended to me, and that dd was to have visitation.

I have sent her every weekend almost from 7/11 to 10/11.  Then I cut him to EOW, due to concerns for her health and well being.  She was coming home with a diaper rash every week, dehydrated once, sick all the time.  I thought that he would understand that he was having problems with her care and find some help, her pedi even called him to explain certain things to him.

DD was MSPI from 4 months to a year, and started having problems with wheat from 6 months on.  I took her off from gluten for 6 months or so, but in order to get her tested for celiac I had to start giving it to her again.  Her first labs for celiac came back inconclusive.  I was told to keep strictly to the diet for 8 weeks and retest.  We are finally to the point to test again.  She had blood work last week and will be having an endoscopy Friday as long as she is better from the virus she had last week.  She ran a fever over 103.5 for three days last week.  I almost didn't send her for fear that he would not contact me if she fell ill again, but I sent her with explicit instructions.

She peed three times in ~30 hours while he had her.  Unfortunately this isn't the first time he has let her get dehydrated, and with the health problems she has I grew very agitated, hence yesterdays post.  I did call her pedi this am to make sure there was nothing else I should be doing, I had given her 20-25 ounces of fluid before bed, and she was wet when she got up, so there was no concern about continued dehydration, but I wanted to make sure there was no reason to have her seen.  (Possible UTI, or anything else).  Her doctor called me back this evening, telling me that G needs a law guardian, since there are obviously some problems that are not being addressed.  

Xh keeps stalling on the divorce, so we are filing an injunction to move along custody and support.  I have seen $20 since May.  I really don't want anything from him but support for his child and for us to be able to talk civilly.  I hate that he becomes aggressive regardless of what I do.  Against my intuition, I send dd every other weekend, I even offered him a few hours during the week when he recently went to working a shift that he could do so.

I am in no way trying to take him out of her life, but I need to know she is safe. He doesn't understand that some of the things he does are way off base and that he is putting her at risk.  She has special dietary guidelines, but he won't relay what she eats in case of a reaction, little things if they were all single incidences, but collectively it is causing huge problems for me as her primary care giver.

So that's the short version, thanks if you made it this far.  I hope it is coherent, if I didn't explain things well, I apologize. 

DaringMiss

You need to discuss this with your lawyer.  He/she might suggest that your pediatrician submit a letter to the court stating your daughter's health issues, and the steps that must be taken to maintain her health (controlled diet and proper hydration).  The pediatrician can also include a summary of your daughter's recent health concerns so that the court is aware of them.  This way the courts can see that it just isn't a case of you being overprotective or over-sensitive.   Courts respond well to objective information and clear details.

You may also want to realize that your ex may be getting bad information.  I don't know who is around him while he is caring for the baby, but his family may have old-fashioned ideas or be ignorant to your daughter's health issues.  Perhaps your pediatrician can draft a detailed letter outlining what your daughter needs and why they are medically necessary so that your ex is very clear on the what and why.  This letter can override whatever outsiders are telling him.   

BostonGayGal

Involving the court in your parenting relationship has pros and cons. Anytime you bring someone into the loop you are adding an additional person who needs to be kept informed, who may need paperwork, and may be in on the decision making.

Talk to your lawyer and be sure to have a firm understanding of their role before you take such a big step because if an additional person is given a role, it takes away from your autonomy as the decision maker for your child. It may be worth it though to gain a measure of control over what happens when your daughter is with her father.

fairyfey10

Thanks for the input ladies, I spoke with my lawyer today, she will end up with a law guardian regardless just a matter of when at this point.