WWYD:Pushing the limits...

BeetleLinz1125

Ok so my husbands little sister has just moved in with us....she's 15 and has been getting into some trouble.  It was either come to live with us or go to juvey for a month.  We are all very optimistic about this stay, so at least we have that going for us.  The first night she stayed with us, we sat down, went over rules, expectations, and rewards.  Well, the first reward is that she gets to use the computer (which she met that goal today with good behavior, attitude, and completing all of her responsibilities over the past few days).  Yesterday I wanted to give her a more long-term goal (I know it doesn't sound very long-term, but for someone who sees her bf every day, waiting one week is an ETERNITY! lol), so I told her that her next reward would be that her boyfriend could come to dinner on Thursday.  So she had two goals to work towards, and not just live day by day.  Well, today she threw me off by asking if he could come over for dinner tonight...ugh no.  That's your reward for Thursday.

Well, since she caught me so off guard by asking this, I told her that we just didn't have enough food.  After thinking about this I know it was the complete wrong answer, and that I should have just told her that she hasn't reached that reward yet, so no, he can't come over.   Would you correct yourself and let her know that earlier when she asked, I said no because she hasn't earned it or just leave it alone?  I think she knows I'm not caving, but I want her to know the reason he can't come over.

She's come from an environment much like a dictatorship (thanks to her biatch of a stepmother).  She's never had any structure and I just want to make sure I am teaching her he appropriate rewards vs. punishment.  I don't want her to think I'm punishing her for me not having enough food, but she just hasn't earned it. WDYT?

Zenya

I would just let it go and if she asks again tell her why.

ridesbuttons

I think I would correct myself and remind her of the agreement.  No drama, no further explanation or excuses.  A simple clarification.

I commend you for taking this on.  Not everyone would.