Anyone elses LO NOT self-sufficient?

Sawyerplus1

My DS has always been this way, but I assumed it was something he'd grow out of (and hope he still will). He is so easily frustrated and so non-self-sufficient and it's driving me nuts! If he can't do something, drops something, struggles with something, etc he immediately throws a fit, whines, cries, and begs for me to do it. It's ridiculous. For instance, he just grabbed a dish off the counter and brought it to me. I asked him to put it back but on the way to the kitchen he dropped it. Nothing broke, nothing spilled, and he wasn't in trouble at all. I just calmly asked him to pick it up and put it back and he started spazzing. He did it eventually, but cried about it for a few minutes afterward. I just don't understand. DH and I have always encouraged self-sufficiency and responsibility for actions (you drop something, you pick it up). DD, who is not yet 2 is much more calm and self-sufficient than DS, which makes me think it's just his personality, which makes me worried he WONT grow out of it. We're patient with him, encourage him to do things himself, but no matter what, these types of occurrances (which happen many times a day) always end with him having a melt down. 

I'm not sure if anyone has any advice, but even words of encouragement would be nice. With LO #3 on the way, I'm worried that DS will still need help doing the little things at age 4 when I'm already busy with an infant and toddler. 

rsd12

My oldest was definitely not as self-sufficient as my middle son, the youngest is even more so! I think part of it is birth order and personality. While I do think things get better! My oldest would not get dressed by himself until he was over 4, my 2nd got dressed by himself at 3, my two year old I give him another 6 months and think he will be doing it too! They learn so much from each other. My most frustrating moments with three, three and under was with potty training. Someone is always going to need you ; )

byrne15

DS is the same way (he is almost 4).  We don't have any other children yet, so it isn't too big of a deal for us (yet).

DS doens't have fits, but if he can't do something he just doesn't do it.  If he can't get his shoe off, he just leaves it on.  If he can't hang his coat, he puts it on the floor.  If he makes it to the bathroom and I'm not there to pull down his pants, he pees in them.... ugh.  We are working on these things with motivating factors...for ex) if he pees on his own for 3 times, he gets a "prize".

ToBeMrsT

My DS is that way too.  He'll be 4 in a few weeks.  He still won't peddle his tricycle and he's almost too big for it now.  DD will probably be peddling before he is. I really, really hope he grows out of it because I don't want him to be a lazy adult. 

Things he can do, but won't unless you really push him are : put his clothes on, take his clothes off, go potty on his own.  He still won't put his shoes on, he just doesn't try even though I'm pretty sure he could if he did try. 

 DS doesn't really get upset he just doesn't have any desire to do these things for himself.  

KathrynMD

OP - is your LO in preschool? There's a lot positive peer pressure to be self sufficient. DD has always been pretty independent, but I've seen some other kids really bloom once they start school and see positive role models.

ecoppins

KathrynMD:

OP - is your LO in preschool? There's a lot positive peer pressure to be self sufficient. DD has always been pretty independent, but I've seen some other kids really bloom once they start school and see positive role models.

I agree, preschool is fabulous peer pressure. It is tough, and it sounds like you are doing a good job of encouraging and being patient. Frustrating as it is, it is probably in part a personality/birth order thing but he will get better.

When I'm dealing with dd on these issues, I make it a game. I'm gonna X before you! or I say in a enticing tone, like this would be soooo much fun "Are you going to x or do I get to do it?" Strangely it works, and if she says "you can do it" then I'm not as annoyed because I put myself in a better frame of mind anyway.

Good luck! 

Sawyerplus1

KathrynMD:

OP - is your LO in preschool? There's a lot positive peer pressure to be self sufficient. DD has always been pretty independent, but I've seen some other kids really bloom once they start school and see positive role models.

Yes, he started this September and I'm definitely hoping he'll pick up a thing or two from some more patient / self-sufficient peers. I just wish it wasn't a total melt down everytime he doesnt want to or cant do something by himself.

Wisteriacow

We've gone through this with DS. Patience and persistence definitely pay off. We went through a phase where he was adamant that he couldn't undress himself. We would sit patiently and tell him he could and that he's smart and capable. Some nights it would take a very long time but it gradually got better. Now he has no issues undressing himself and doesn't raise a fuss about it. Anytime he tells us he can't do something (that we know he can and has done in the past) and starts to have a fit about it we just tell him we know that he can and to just keep trying. Typically once he sees that we won't give in and do it for him, then he'll get on board and do it. Then we make a big fuss about how great it is that he did it himself and that we knew he could since he's smart and capable.

Pesky

We had a bit of this with DD.  We also teach her about reaction to stuff -- like "take a deep breath and blow it out -- are you hurt?  did it break?  well, it's all okay right?  we all drop stuff sometimes!"  It takes a lot of repetition of this for it sink in.  Funnily enough, our oldest also tends to expect more things to be done for her (the "I'm not your maid, I'm your mother" gets used a lot) versus her younger brother.  Probably a factor of the first child and doing more for them from the get go.