A question for current moms of preemies

sail123

 I notice we have had a lot of posters who "may" be having a preemie post questions as of late. 

I doesn't generally bother me because I know these women just want information because they are scared of what could happen. I try to be as helpful as possible. 

That said, sometimes I worry if these posts can cause preemie moms to get upset, specifically when the person tells us how they don't want a preemie. Yes, I understand this but I also feel like this is our board where we are all in the same boat and it sometimes hurts a bit to hear people say how terrified they are of being in our position (even though I completely understand their reasoning...does this make sense?) 

I also think it is potentially misleading for a person to ask what they can expect at a certain GA (the most common question from non-preemie mom) since the experiences on this board are not always the norm. 

I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking it and it isn't a big deal. But if others feel the same way, maybe we could ask for another sticky at the top of the board giving advice to these hopefully-not-preemie-moms-to-be? I.e. speak to a neonatologist, tour the NICU, etc. 

 

kck329

Very quick reply since DD is waking up----we can easily add a "what can I expect" section the to blog. Do you want to write something for it? Or make a list of what kind of things should be there?

Will come back later to respond to your other thoughts!

bhilyer

I completely understand what you're saying.  I never thought I'd have 29 weekers, and it's certainly not something I wanted.  That being said, if I had known I would have been looking for information and help beforehand.  Being thrown into the world of the NICU was quite scary.  

I like your idea.  What if we created a page on the Preemie Resource Blog with this information?  Those of us that are regulars could always point these "maybe preemie" moms to that information.

What do you think? 

adrielegorburu

The posts dont really upset me - they seem genuinlly scared and looking for advice. I dont worry about them saying they dont want a preemie - no one WANTS to have a preemie. I only hope they realize that the best place for them to get information is from their doctor - and that there is no way to know how your baby will do if they are early regardless of the GA. Look at my munchkin - 22 weeks no major health problems - so not the norm. I know preemies born at 32 weeks with major disabilities and health issues - its not black or white. I try and put the posts in the same mental compartment as the full term whines about third tri tribulations. Or excited moms at 33 weeks squealing how they wish the baby would come right now - lol - its getting easier to brush it all off.

AlwaysSunny925

I won't lie...it bothers me *sometimes*, but that's probably just because I am still in NICU.  I also just brush it off and would never flame someone for asking and being nervous about being in our situation.  I do think that adding a section to the blog may be helpful, but what could we really put there?  Since ever baby is so different...  Maybe we can add those statistics that were once posted?  But I think that might just scare people.  Either way, I truly believe that the questions about what to expect should be answered by doctors.

ETA:  Now that I think about it more...me asking everyone for their experiences is the same thing as HR moms-to-be coming here to ease their worries.  So, in all honesty I understand why they come here, sometimes frantically, looking for answers.  Heck, I lurked here 4 hours before I gave birth just to try and ease my worries. 

jenmikw

It doesn't annoy me per say but I just don't want people to get their hopes up or think that all preemies are the same.  Right before Owen was born when the NICU team visited me prior to my c-section they said he would be in the NICU for about two weeks.  Owen ended up their for 6.5 weeks.  False hope sucks and Owen didn't take the normal 34 weeker course in terms of feeding.  In short as we all know every preemie is different and no comparisons should be done.

I have a link to a good website that my NICU pointed me towards: 

https://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/En/ResourceCentres/PrematureBabies/Pages/default.aspx

crazyanimals

sail123:

 I notice we have had a lot of posters who "may" be having a preemie post questions as of late. 

I doesn't generally bother me because I know these women just want information because they are scared of what could happen. I try to be as helpful as possible. 

That said, sometimes I worry if these posts can cause preemie moms to get upset, specifically when the person tells us how they don't want a preemie. Yes, I understand this but I also feel like this is our board where we are all in the same boat and it sometimes hurts a bit to hear people say how terrified they are of being in our position (even though I completely understand their reasoning...does this make sense?) 

I also think it is potentially misleading for a person to ask what they can expect at a certain GA (the most common question from non-preemie mom) since the experiences on this board are not always the norm. 

I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking it and it isn't a big deal. But if others feel the same way, maybe we could ask for another sticky at the top of the board giving advice to these hopefully-not-preemie-moms-to-be? I.e. speak to a neonatologist, tour the NICU, etc. 

 

It really doesn't bother me at all...I think there are lot of lurkers on this board because we have so much information to give.   There isn't a whole lot of info on the HR board bc they haven't made it to our point yet (if they ever do).  One of the reasons I made my blog was so that other HR moms/new preemie moms can have SOME idea what to expect.  I had the opportunity to read the Preemies book before hand but I honestly can say I learned more info here than that book could ever give.  There are a lot of factors involved with preemies and I am more than willing to share my experiences with new-to-be moms.  For me pregnancy was very scary and I feel like if sharing my experience helps ease someones mind, even if only temporarily, then it was worth it.

https://40weeksbutsometimesless.blogspot.com/

sail123

It is good to hear other's thoughts on this. It sounds like most people aren't really bothered by it so maybe I was just being hyper sensitive. I guess I just think there is a difference between lurking (which I did A LOT during my pregnancy and it was helpful) and posting "what if this happens to me".

sail123

bhilyer:

I completely understand what you're saying.  I never thought I'd have 29 weekers, and it's certainly not something I wanted.  That being said, if I had known I would have been looking for information and help beforehand.  Being thrown into the world of the NICU was quite scary.  

I like your idea.  What if we created a page on the Preemie Resource Blog with this information?  Those of us that are regulars could always point these "maybe preemie" moms to that information.

What do you think? 

I think this is a good way to be really helpful to these worried women. I can try to work on something to post there.  

lemen99

I'm sorry but I don't get this post at all.

Nobody chooses to have a preemie.  It doesn't mean if you have a preemie you don't love your baby - but you certainly would never have a preemie if you could carry to term.  

People may be asking what to expect, but I think what they are really looking for is hope.  I was given a few success stories when I was on Bed rest, and sure, maybe they weren't the norm at 24 weeks, but you know what?  I needed hope to get me through and you better believe it worked. 

I do think that there are enough preemies on this board to give a pretty good overall picture when someone posts about preemies of a certain GA.  We have a lot of experiences to share and a lot of hope to give moms that are scared.

 

 

Mrs. Alice

I think having a link for "what to expect" for "maybe a preemie" is a great idea.  It doesn't bother me that ladies come on here asking.  I did the same thing at one point a few months ago.  I knew I was having preemies one way or the other, just didn't quite know when.  I was so impressed by all the warm and helpful responses that I received.  That being said, I feel like everyone who posts on here deserves that.  Like most of us, I am busy with babies and can't possibly answer every post with such detail like I'd want to.

schenkertobe

Sometimes it bothers me. When I was on the MC/PL board there were alot of "help, am I miscarrying?" posts that did not go over well. I knew having a preemie was definitely a possibility before it because a likely reality and I never posted on this board. I just lurked until I actually had a preemie. I think a FAQ sticky at the top would help answer alot of questions for those who have them.

urbanflowerpot

I think everyone has a point - OP it really depends on which way the wind is blowing for me. If I'm going through a bad spell I just won't open their post. I can see others are responding and like Lemen says we're a broad group and most things are covered. They have been more frequent than usual here lately but I've also noticed (myself included) that prems seem to come in waves...or at least Bumpies who stick around. DS was a strong peer group from one of those waves and I treasure you all! Most of the time those "what if" posters never come back. I notice that - but I also notice when they do and they say, hey, remember me? I wrote to all of you about blah blah blah and it clicks. I feel good that they found us comforting enough to return.

 This will be a great section for the blog.

kiahudson

I completely understand what you mean. Its not an easy place to be in, & it took alot of strength for us to get through it.  I have a few friends who are pregnant at the moment and they often say things like "i hope we dont have to go through all you did, i couldnt handle all that." I know they come from a good place, meaning they are amazed that we could handle the stress, but it always ruffles my feathers a bit, because i didnt wish for that either, but thats what i got. My daughter was born at 31 weeks & 5 days, we were in the hospital for a month & a half.  They ask all these questions, and say "i couldnt do that!", but the fact of the matter is, if their child was born early, they would have to.  I know they are truly just concerned for their unborn children, but no matter how they word it, it just makes me feel as though they are saying i hope my child comes out perfectly & not "wrong" like yours did,  (by the way, i dont thing anything AT ALL is "wrong" with ym daughter, shes the most perfect child ive ever encountered<3)