How has having a child changed your marriage?

JLSBWG

I would say initially our marriage was even better after our DS was born.  As our DS gets older, it probably is the thing that is hardest about our marriage.  We both have different parenting styles and it is a constant conversation about how we are raising our son.  It's pretty stressful at times.  And you?

newbee36

We are still at the same page with DH concerning parenting and hope it stays that way for most of the time. I know it is still early since our LO is only 5 months old, but we do discuss things a lot. And even before we decided to  have a kid I knew that me and DH had similar views on raising a child. Future will probably bring some disagreements, but as long as that doesn't happen every day I will be happy. You will have to find a common language with your DH, otherwise you will drive each other nuts and will confuse your DS. 

aglenn

I think it was hardest for DH and I in the beginning.  We went through some rough times during my pregnancy and the early months with DD.  Things have gotten a LOT better as time went on, thank goodness; but it did take some work.

stever

DH have known each other most of our adult lives, and though we never really discussed how we would parent it's mostly sorted itself out. We discuss things as they come up, but we tend to agree philosophically.

MamatoA2010

DD has changed my relationship with DH so much so that we are getting divorced. DD is 22 months old and the divorce has been going on since July.

jigglyjelloo

Having DD has definitely changed our lives for the better.  We have been having some pretty stressful times since she was born, but I think she is a big reason why we have been getting through them.  No matter how bad things seem, just looking at her and seeing her smile makes it all worth it. 

We both really enjoy doing things as a family and I think those things have brought us closer together.  We have had some ups and downs, but we seem to come out stronger when we get through them. 

We have only been married for just over a year (and dated long distance for about a year before that) so we are definitely still in a 'honeymoon' phase.  We only wish we were more stable because we really want a 2nd child, and at 38, I don't have a lot of time!

noahchristopher

It's changed it a lot.  It's the new life of having a baby and feeling so overwhelmed at times, not sleeping, etc.  We have arguments but are working through them.  It's mostly been about coming to terms with how much our lives have changed.  We are both going through the same emotions but seem to take it out on eachother if we are stressed out.  We are trying to recognize that and come up with better coping strategies.  We LOVE our son, but our new life with him is very limiting.  I think we both thought we could or would cart him around way more than we are able to.  We know it gets better and easier.  I'm a big schedule person, so Iike to have a good routine going with our son.  That makes things hard sometimes.  Especially being social with others.  We're feeling the isolation right now, but our son is really thriving on the routine so we don't want to mess it up.

mwd

So sorry, Salukijule! Hugs. 

It has been tough parenting 2 at 2.  The first year of the second is the hardest, as it is completely man on man defense.  You really forget to spend time with just each other, and talk about non-kid related things. But we can really laugh at ourselves, and that has helped.  

JenniferTCU

We rarely have sex (Jace sleeps with us). We no longer go to restaurants (he's pretty toddler-rific right now). 

However, I know that these things will pass. We are very happy...just aware that things have changed and are both okay with the temporary change. Our little monster brings enormous joy into our lives on a daily basis. I wouldn't change a thing.

JLSBWG

Thanks for your candid responses.  This is the stuff that people don't talk about, which is what I love about this board.   I am greatful that my DH and I can talk through our issues and have become stronger individuals and certainly a couple.  It's a lot of responsibility to raise a child to be a confident, well adjusted person in this crazy world we live in.  Most days I feel like we are doing a good job.  However, I certainly have my days and yesterday was one of them.  DS is a very strong willed little boy and the issues that my DH are working with is what is the best approach to get him to do what we need him to do and minimize the crying and whining.  If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.    We love our little boy to pieces and wouldn't know what to do without him.

JLSBWG

I'm so sorry to hear that!

 J-

ateytelb

I can't figure out why (considering lack of sleep, hectic schedules etc.), but it did improve our relationship.

ateytelb

Just read your last post. J. is also very strong-willed but the older he gets, the easier it is to discipline him. I guess this is because he now better understands the mechanism of action-consequence. He can also control his impulses somewhat. Also, he is taking a martial arts class and I think that helps, too.

mwd

You're right, people don't talk about it, but I find if you discuss it with your firends, co-workers, this board, you can receive a lot of advice and support.  Keep in mind that you're not whining, you're looking to become a better parent.  Some days are bad, but they definitely are smaller in number to to the wonderful ones!

brandenburdett

It's a tough age, isn't it? It's a constant conversation in our house too - finding that balance between discipline and independence is a real challenge. We talk about it a lot!

The comments on this thread are fabulous. What a great bunch of women.  

future mrs. macklin

Hi, having our DD has changed our marriage......we don't have alot of time together now. He works at night and i work during the day (no day care). We share one off day together. We're usual to tired to TTC!