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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Formula Feeding Guilt
We breast fed for the first month and a half of D's life until we realized that he had a milk intolerance and switched to soy formula. I think I cried for a whole week and then just accepted it and moved on... until the attack of a breastfeeding page on FB. They quoted that awful person that I cannot remember the name of calling it "junk" and saying that us formula feeders are lazy. I know I shouldn't take it personal because its not. I accepted them as a friend and should just delete them but its something that I wanted so badly to do for D and was unable. Why oh why am I feeling guilty about something that I had no control over?! Is anyone else.... or did anyone else go through something similar?
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Re: Formula Feeding Guilt
I couldn't get DS to latch. He latched very well in the hospital was transferring milk well, etc. It all fell apart the day after we came home and after several days of struggling I decided to EP and I grieved so much over not being able to bf him. I loved that experience with DD, the bonding, etc. I haven't been able to pump exclusively and have to supplement with formula. I don't feel guilty about it and don't think you should either. Your son got the colostrum and bf for over a month, that's great. Formula isn't poison. I think we as moms are too hard on ourselves in general but bfing is one of those hot topics that we struggle with the most. He is being fed and loved and that's what matters most!
OP, I think this feeling is pretty normal- you do what you can do, and in the end, the important thing is that your baby is being fed. It's unlikely to have any bearing on how your child turns out down the road- so really, you just have to try to forgive yourself.
This is, like, so totally helpful!!1! A month and a half later!!11! Especially since this is the breastfeeding board and she asked for breastfeeding help. Oh wait.
OP, it's not breastfeeding guilt, it's mom guilt. For you, BFing is the issue. If you were able to BF, it would be something else.
Don't be so hard on yourself, mama. BFing is great but it's not the be-all, end-all of motherhood. Just unsubscribe from the FB page and shake it off. Hugs, mama.
Ditto, don't think this response was appropriate. OP has already switched to formula, what do you hope to accomplish with this post? OP I know the guilt. I had to supplement at 1 week because my supply was so terrible and DS got dehydrated. I did everything to build up supply and while I did, I still had to supplement with formula and I was REALLY hard on myself about it. In the end though I am sure your baby is happy and healthy and so try to give yourself a break.
After two losses, third time was a charm.
pm me for blog link
I think this is exactly the type of bullsh!t the OP was talking about. The answer to your question is none of your business, and irrelevant to this post. I'm not sure if you meant to be rude and demoralizing but that's how your question came across.
OP, yes, I went through the same guilt. After delivery, it took a long time for my milk to come in (don't remember exactly how long- a week maybe?) My son lost over a pound but everyone kept telling me if I give him formula, my milk will never come in and he will lose his latch, etc. So we waited and waited. I had to give him pedialyte and water before he was even a week old (per ER and pedi) for dehydration.
My milk came in but I had supply issues from day 1. I tried everything. Some things made it a little better, but by the time he was 3 mos old he wasn't gaining enough and was starting to get really fussy at feedings. I decided that whatever pride I had, or whatever it was with my mindset on BFing, it wasn't worth having a hungry baby. I bought formula. I SOBBED through his first bottle. And he LOVED it! He chugged like it was the best thing he had ever eaten and like he was starving (which made me cry even more.) I continued to pump and nurse as much as I could but after a couple months of doing both, my supply was completely gone.
I still wish so badly that I could have gone longer, but I don't feel bad anymore. Like you, it was beyond my control. I had to just move on... He is very happy and healthy and I watch him learn and grow every day.
Just wanted to say this is me, every word. I remember when we gave him his first bottle they said to have DH give it to him so DS would associate me with breastfeeding and I remember sobbing while DH fed him. The guilt is just too much sometimes.
After two losses, third time was a charm.
pm me for blog link
I BF my DS to 6 months and weaned DD at 8 weeks. I've been there x2. The crying for a week because of the hormone crash, the guilt, the agony. I'm glad I was here tonight to read this post and offer my perspective.
I just want to give you a (hug) and tell you after being in both places, each with a different kid, that both of my children are thriving. Formula is an amazing thing, and you should never feel guilty about a decision you made for your baby.
Now, read this. It's in reference to the exact article you are talking about. Annie (the blog poster) is a huge lactivist.
And also, for all of the CIO haters (just cause' why not put that in here too
, I'll post this link which is where I found out about this loony Dr. Narvaez.
Cuckoo.
I weaned between 4-5 months and haven't felt even the slightest bit of guilt whatsoever! Don't worry, OP. Don't listen to these *ssholes who try to make you feel bad about it.
FWIW, my baby is happy, healthy, STTN, and is crawling and cruising already. I'm also happy, healthy, running 5 miles a day again, skinny again and feeling great. Happy baby and happy mommy go hand in hand.
Next baby, if there is one, will be breastfed for 4 months or so as well. No regrets!
I'm glad you said this. Because your pic and quote make you sound a whole lot differently as you type those words. Read those articles, and realize that Annie from PhD in Parenting is a huge BF advocate.
Stop tearing one another down over simple decisions. These are not life and death and I'm sick of seeing it go down in this manner.
/rant
I'm glad you said this. Because the quote beneath your pic makes you sound a whole lot differently as you type those words. Read those articles, and realize that Annie from PhD in Parenting is a huge BF advocate. And then, hold your tongue. You don't know what your next child/circumstances will bring. Read that again, okay?
Stop tearing one another down over simple decisions. These are not life and death and I'm sick of seeing it go down in this manner.
/rant
Again that is helpful if someone posts "think I have to stop breastfeeding and don't want to, advice?" Not so helpful for someone posting, "I stopped bfing 1 1/2 months ago and still feel guilty." You see how your response isn't helpful in that situation, right? I get where you are coming from, I think a lot of people feel they have to stop bfing because of a problem that can be fixed and they just aren't given the options, but this was just not the appropriate post for it.
After two losses, third time was a charm.
pm me for blog link
I know most people have replied, but I figured I'd offer my support. I had to stop bf'ing after a month because I got mastitis which turned into a MRSA infection in my breast. We had to get rid of all of the milk I had stored, and we had to do formula feeding, and I had to continue to pump for another month to try and get the infection out. I was really upset, but, honestly, my dad helped me see the light. He thought I was crazy for being upset about using formula since everyone back in the day used formula and no one bf'ed. I was so focused and stressed about the formula, I wasn't letting myself get better, even though DD was perfectly fine and healthy.
Don't feel guilty. We're not lazy. We did what was best for our children, and for ourselves. The alternative, for me, would have been to make my son sick, and risk my life. My son is a healthy, bouncing baby boy. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yeah, what a crappy thing to say to her. Perhaps she didn't want to do an elimination diet. There is nothing wrong with that. If DD had some sort of allergy I would have been seriously hard pressed to try an elimination diet. I would have probably done exactly what she did and switched to formula. Part of being a good mom is being happy and if you're constantly worried about every single thing you eat having an adverse affect on your baby I could see that keeping you from being happy.
I replied before I realized that you said your post came off the wrong way... I've had that happen more than once
You're doing what is best for you and your baby. Period. End of story. Everyone else (including FB "friends") can STFU.
I definitely feel the guilt.... which is insane to most people b/c we adopted our Hadley... I know that it can be done, and some people have flamed me a bit for not trying to pump it into existence, but after being terrified that I would end up with milky boobs and no baby (was very unsure if bmom would actually place baby with us), and the full assurance from every lactation consultant I spoke to that I wouldn't be able to EBF, that my baby would be FF, but I could supplement with BM. I just didn't think the work (and it's a LOT of work to BF when you've never been pregnant) was worth the possible outcome which wasn't much at best.
Anyways, I get it. I used to feel guilty every single time I fixed a bottle, EVERYthing says that BM is the best food for babies, even the freaking formula manufacturers, and I wanted the best for her. Now I'm down to feeling guilty only when seeing things about BM, and occasionally when mixing a bottle.
I know that we have to do what's best for our babies and that's feeding them, whatever that is but still I know that it is hard at times.
Anna was adopted. While I did want to try to breastfeed her (it is possible), we couldn't because she was in the NICU for 3 weeks and they wouldn't allow it.
I don't feel guilty. Anna is thriving.
No one except you knows what's best for your family. I think a lot of people could overcome BFing issues, but at what cost? You need to do what you need to do to be happy as a person and as a mother. Only you and your family can make that decision. Some people are willing to do elimination diets, some people are willing to nurse through infections, some people are willing to go to extremes to try and get their supply up. It is not up to anyone else to judge which of those choices, if any, are right for you. Just because something is possible doesn't mean it's best.
Don't let others guilt you. You made an informed choice- the best choice you could in your circumstances- and I'm sure your baby is happy and healthy.
I felt the same way when I realized that BFing was just not going to work for us. My son was born with a cleft lip and palate and couldn't get a latch at all. We thought he was doing so well and then I was told that we were feeding him wrong and that we were the ones causing his jaundice. I pumped religiously around the clock for 2 weeks but could never get more than 3 ounces at a time at the best point. By the end of the 2 weeks I was not even getting half an ounce out of either side.
After talking with his pedi and my OB I decided that since all it was doing was causing me to be depressed after nothing helped to increase my supply I just couldn't do it anymore. It was a hard decision to make but I finally realized that I had to do it for my sanity because I was going down a really dark path. There are days I still feel like a failure, especially when I see pictures of my friends successfully nursing their children.I breastfed for the first 6 months of Sofia's life, but starting at 4 months my period started and my supply tanked big time. I tried everything to get it to come back to what it was..fenugreek, milkmaid tea, sleeping more, drinking more water, pumping constantly....nothing worked and by around 6 months I was pumping only .5 oz per breast.
I switched to formula when I realized that poor baby wasn't getting enough food and for about a week I had this extreme amount of guilt. I know it was irrational because I already made it to 6 months, which in the back of my mind was kind of my mini goal ( I only really wanted to breastfeed for about 6-9 months and was secretly hoping she would wean herself off, which she did when i couldn't produce enough)
I kept of thinking " what if I just keep trying to pump...what if I do xyz..?". I decided to give breastfeeding one more go and Sofia just started biting my nipples soooo hard, and like pulling them with her gums.thats when I made the final decision that was done. Yeah I felt bad, but honestly she is so much happier and so am I lol. I finally have a bit of freedom.
Don't worry, just do what you feel is right and the guilt will fade away and ff will become just as natural to you as breastfeeding was
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