3rd Trimester

Would you adopt because you want a boy/girl?

It's just a question that came to my mind, and I know it's a weird one, but I just had to ask.  (I hope it's not insulting anyone because I really don't mean to.)

I think adoption is a wonderful thing to do.  And for a lot of people, it's another form of blessing.  My former co-worker adopted two kids, and they are so, SO happy.

But would you do it because you want a specific sex?  We are not thinking about adopting now, but if we were to have, say, three or four boys, would I consider adopting a girl knowing I couldn't pick a girl if I get pregnant on my own?

If money or anything else is not an issue, would you do it?

m/c - Dec 2005, DS - March 27, 2007, m/c - Oct 2009, DD - Feb 20, 2012

Proud mother of two breech babies:)

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Re: Would you adopt because you want a boy/girl?

  • No, I wouldn't adopt simply because I wanted a certain gender living under our roof.  There would be more important factors that would play a part in who I would adopt.  I would be more interested in the child them self, their background, their current situation.  How many homes have they been in, any past abuse or behavioral problems...it doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl.  I would go into the adoption process without a specific gender in mind, even if I already had a house of all boys or girls.
  • Gender would not factor into my adoptive selection. If I adopt I will be doing so for other reasons. Yes, you do get to choose-- but I wouldn't adopt for that reason alone.
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  • Not if I wasn't already planning to adopt. 

    However, if I already had it in my heart to adopt, and I had 4 girls or 4 boys, I could see how it might make me more eager to adopt a child of the other sex.  If that makes me a bad person, so be it. That's just the truth.

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  • No.  I feel I am absolutely blessed to have been given the child(ren) that I have been given, regardless of their sex.  I would have been fine with having all boys or all girls, I just wanted children.  
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  • I think if I had 4 boys and wanted a girl I would contemplate adoption, but who knows if I would actually come out with a girl, you never know what little one you will meet! I probably wouldn't though, because I figured God gave me what he wanted to give me for whatever reason.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with this, however, because either way a little child is being brought into a loving home.

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  • I would not adopt just for that purpose, but if I was to adopt for other reasons, any other children in the house would probably have an influence on which gender I preferred.

    I have always wanted to adopt a child (not necessarily a baby), only because there are many children out there who need homes. However, That probably won't happen due to the cost involved.

  • We're planning on adopting anyways, but if we do have 2 girls I would look more into boys that are available than girls.
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  • We are actually planning on adopting eventually and while we won't be adopting to get a specific sex, if we have all girls (this will be girl #2 and both our families are slightly overwhelmed on the girl side) we would pick a boy.  But I wouldn't adopt just to get a boy in the family, my reasons for adopting have nothing to do with boy/girl and it's something I've wanted to do since LONG before I got married.

    Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010 

    natural m/c March 11, 2011 at 8 1/2 weeks 

    Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012 

    Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks

    Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014

    Started our exploration into the world of international adoption June 2012.  We have no idea what this is going to look like but we are excited to find out!

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  • I did consider that, say if we had two of one we could adopt a third ofthe opposit gender from china (i am chinese).  This was the plan until i found out how much adoption costs! 
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  • imagenjkitty:
    I did consider that, say if we had two of one we could adopt a third ofthe opposit gender from china (i am chinese).  This was the plan until i found out how much adoption costs! 

    If we want another child after this one, we're hoping to adopt from china because of the large number of girls available for adoption, but we already knew we'd adopt if we wanted a third and it had nothing to do with gender.

     njkitty- adoption is expensive, but there are a large number of tax credits/breaks available to help cover the cost of adoption (not to mention employer assistance in some cases).  I can't remember how much it is, exactly, but it covers a large chunk.  I'd recommend looking at the tax code stuff to see how much help you'd be eligible for (it's after the fact help, of course, but it's still help).

  • I am going to be honest and say that DH and I have considered this.  We've always talked about possibly fostering to adopt (cost isn't as much of an issue doing it this way) and if we have another boy, then we would really like to foster a girl.  I will not be getting pregnant again due to the fact that we had a similar outcome both pregnancies with IUGR and its just too stressful.    
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  • imageKRISTA555:

    Not if I wasn't already planning to adopt. 

    However, if I already had it in my heart to adopt, and I had 4 girls or 4 boys, I could see how it might make me more eager to adopt a child of the other sex.  If that makes me a bad person, so be it. That's just the truth.

    This exactly.  I may adopt someday if I decide that I want more children later on in life, and if I hadn't had any girls of my own at that time, I would choose to adopt a girl.  If I had a boy and girl of my own, then it wouldn't really matter what sex that child I adopted was. 

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