SD update
Littlejen22
member
SD called DH yesterday and asked him to get together so they went out for appetizers (today she also called DH to ask him to go look at 2 used cars with her today.) He had not seen her in probably 3 weeks or so, she had been slow to return his calls/text messages and she was sick when they last had plans.
Well, she is no longer working at the bank that she left her deli job for. She told him something about her working/training for a few days and then them telling her they were going to send her to a different branch and then giving the job to someone else. Well, since she has told the story of being hired and then losing the job to someone else in the past there is zero chance I believe her. I could tell at the beginning of DH telling me this that he wanted to believe her but I just interjected and said that she has told that before and he agree he did not believe it. She is working under the table at a restaurant right now.
As far as DH is telling me, she is still not asking for any help which is good but it is hard for me not to be skeptical about the other changes she is telling DH she has made when she works a job for only a few days and lies about what happened. Oh, and I really had a feeling that she was no longer at that job b/c she was clearly avoiding DH...he said he thought the same and I could tell that he was getting together with her just to see what was up.
She told DH she wanted to see us (DH, me and DS) on her birthday and she wanted to come to Thanksgiving. From me to you on this board, not really sure how I feel about that but I will do it. I want her to do well, I really do, I raised her for 6 years and want to see her do well in life, but knowing that she is lying about 1 thing makes me question other things and I really don't want to be in any drama and I don't want DS around it - although Thanksgiving will be a ton of people so it's not like anything major will happen...and I already told DH that she is a stranger to DS (has not seen him since he was 18mos and barely spent time with him then) and that if she starts to smother him DH needs to step in or I will. And part of me thinks that she only wants to see us on her birthday b/c she wants a present.
I am dreading the discussion about Chirstmas b/c we will have a 6 day old and I will be recovering from my C-section and to be quite honest just want to be without the drama - and I will admit that some of the drama is in my head b/c of past issues. Assuming she will want to come over for Christmas, I will insist to DH that it be for a limited amount of time that will be discussed ahead of time. I HATE that it's like this but with everything that has happened I just cannot deal right now, meaning 8 months PG with a 22mo to take care of, my hormones are messed up enough.
Thanks for listening. Oh, and for anyone new that does not know my story, don't be very judgemental since there is a long history...not sure if any of my old posts are still up.
Re: SD update
I completely understand how you feel. You want to be ojective but due to the bad past events, you worry and fret that it's going to turn into the past again.
Let her come for Thanksgiving but definitely have that talk with DH that he is in charge. She is probably missing the good times - the holidays are always hard and you certainly don't want to push her away during this time. She's at the difficult stage where she knows she "can't go back home again" as the saying goes, but does miss the special, family holiday time.
You're right to be concerned over what's best for your soon coming baby, and your recovery. Trying to recoup from a c-section at the same time as caring for a baby is going to keep you too busy for big girl drama. Your DH has to be on the same page as you.
Littlejen dont feel bad about how you feel - we all know the history round here. I think it is strange about the job situation but at least she is working and not asking for help. It shounds like she was avoiding DH until she got a new job. Hopefully she was embarressed about being out of work.
Do thanksgiving and see how that goes - base christmas on that. If its drama free then go with xmas. If there is drama then sorry for SD but you need to take care of yourself and your babies.
I totally understand where you are coming from. Recovery from birthing AND a surgery is exhausting.
So here is what I would do. Personally invite her for Thanksgiving. Be warm and inviting. Give a little when it comes to her "smothering" (we all know that it is for show anyway). Not to mention you can have a friend/family member know to "manage her" for you in advance. Give her all the time that SHE wants that day.
Then limit her time with the family on Christmas. Tell DH that it is not about punishing her, but making YOUR RECOVERY easier. A sick mommy is a detriment to all involved.
Give her a couple hours and then go upstairs to nap. Tell DH that after nap she must be gone.
That way you compromised and are the bigger person, but it is on yoru health schedule.
I should have added the concern about smothering is mostly b/c DS is deathly shy even when he first sees my fiend and her kids (4 and 2) and he sees them about every 2 week or so. Someone that he has not seen in a while coming up to him to kiss and hug him will make him cry hysterically. He does warm up though. While it will be annoying since it's so fake but if he is interested in playing with her then I would not step in, just if he is bothered. Oh, and DH already invited her, it's just a matter of how she gets here but hopefully she will have a car by then.
As for Christmas, if Thanksgiving goes well, then she can choose if she wants to eat dinner with us, if yes I will ask DH to invite her over about 30 minutes before it will be ready and if no, then she will be invited for a limited amount of time before dinner but after the morning picture taking and presents are over. If she really wanted to come earlier I will put my foot down, it will probably bother DH if it has to happen but he will understand - she choose not to be a part of this family (although appears to have some regrets), is still lying, and I am not going to have Christmas morning turn into a circus where we are all sitting around pretending we are just a happy normal family.