some best friend...minor rant

klrrat

My best friend since I was 9...im 21 now, so 12 years! Is in SC for school and Im in NH. Her lifestyle is completely different then mine. Mine-school, work, boyfriend of almost 4 years, family etc. Her's-Party party party party oh school party party party...She came home this summer for a week and I saw her once for 5 min, she came home in october for a week knowing when my shower was and picked the week before and I never saw her. She never once even acknowledged the shower or anything.  she came home for a week for thanksgiving and I saw her once for maybe 20 min. She is coming home tomorrow until the 29th...and when I sent her a message about how glad I was that she was coming home, she writes back "I just really need you to have this baby, so you can come drink with me."

 

I understand that her lifestyle is different then mine but that's just it, it's different. And if for some reason my daughter is born early and she is still in NH. I will most certainly not be going out to drink! I will be at home with my new family and that drives her crazy.  She always tells me how things are going to be different and I wont have time to be her friend anymore once my daughter is born and how the only thing ill be able to be is a mom and not a friend to her anymore....

 

I guess i've come to the realization after all these years....she's not a real friend  

theladyjess

klrrat:

My best friend since I was 9...im 21 now, so 12 years! Is in SC for school and Im in NH. Her lifestyle is completely different then mine. Mine-school, work, boyfriend of almost 4 years, family etc. Her's-Party party party party oh school party party party...She came home this summer for a week and I saw her once for 5 min, she came home in october for a week knowing when my shower was and picked the week before and I never saw her. She never once even acknowledged the shower or anything.  she came home for a week for thanksgiving and I saw her once for maybe 20 min. She is coming home tomorrow until the 29th...and when I sent her a message about how glad I was that she was coming home, she writes back "I just really need you to have this baby, so you can come drink with me."

 

I understand that her lifestyle is different then mine but that's just it, it's different. And if for some reason my daughter is born early and she is still in NH. I will most certainly not be going out to drink! I will be at home with my new family and that drives her crazy.  She always tells me how things are going to be different and I wont have time to be her friend anymore once my daughter is born and how the only thing ill be able to be is a mom and not a friend to her anymore....

 

I guess i've come to the realization after all these years....she's not a real friend  

Sounds more like she no longer has time to be your friend. 

I know it's sad when friendships change or end.  My BF has been distant since Feb and then even moreso once I got pg.  I'm not sure what changed, but she's the one who's pulled away and there's nothing I can do about it.  I'm saddened because I've always been there for her and was super excited when she had her son and now I feel like she's not here for me.  I keep hoping that she'll come around and maybe she will.  If she doesn't then I'll just accept it and move on.

VABride2008

I know it's hard to go through something like that, but it sounds like she's doing what normal 21 year old's do.  Maybe she'll come around after a little time and when she realizes that you can't just go party and drink whenever.  

ambs21

My best college friend (and roommate of 4 years) has completely dropped me for similar reasons.  And she's 30.  Some people just love to drink and party.  I was sad about the friendship, and my mom so wisely reminded me that some friends are for a season.  It is hard, but she is right.  Sometimes, though, people are just in different life stages.  Maybe when she catches up to your stage of life you'll be able to reconnect.  My best friend got married at 19 (6 years before me... I didn't even have a boyfriend at the time) and had her first baby 3 years before I had DD.  We stayed in touch and always considered each other to be best friends, but it was hard to stay as close being in such different life stages.  We are now closer than ever!  It definitely can happen.  Either way, I am sorry you're going through this.  I know it's difficult.

theladyjess

Edited to remove double post.

GreeneyesP

Freindships do wax and wane.  Like pp's have stated, you are in different lifestages right now, but that doesn't mean you will always be distant.

My bestfriend and I have been through alot together, but we also went through things apart.  Our 25 year friendship (we are both now 32) has survived several stints of one or the other of us pulling away because of life circumstances.  One was when we were both 21 (I was like 21, bring on the party; she was like, I'm going to grad school).  We grew apart, our interests divereged, but 2 years later we were closer than ever. 

Part of what makes a best friend "best" is that no matter where either of you are in your lives, you are each mutually supportive, and want the other's happiness.  Keep the lines of communication open, but maybe for now she needs to do her thing while you do yours. 

SoonToBeMsP

I was going to post the same thing as ladyjess- it sounds like she's too busy drinking to make time for you. So I say keep on doing what you're doing (try and get in touch and meet up when she's around) and enjoy this time in your life! She'll get there and then understand what your "problem" was.

KABye

VABride2008:

I know it's hard to go through something like that, but it sounds like she's doing what normal 21 year old's do.  Maybe she'll come around after a little time and when she realizes that you can't just go party and drink whenever.  

 

This! Just imagine what you would be doing if you didn't have a BF and were not prego. Maybe she is missing you to, but just doesnt know how to say it. (ex: She is so busy with her "NEW FAMILY", I miss hanging out doing the things we used to do.) Try look at it from her perspective too.

Hope you two can work it out, thats a very long frendship to end over you two being in different areas of life! Good Luck!

LuckyTraveler

I know it hurts and I'm sorry. You two are at an age where people can very easily be in completely different places and it's okay. Neither of you are wrong, or better, or anything, you're just on different life paths right now. Maybe your paths will be closer to each other in the future. In the meantime, understand that she's not going to "get it" when it comes to what your life is like just like you aren't going to "get it" when it comes to what her life is like. FYI, school and partying at 21 isn't a bad thing, either.