Guilt about giving up pumping

jacksonandbradysmom

I am reading posts about you wonderful women who EP Breastmilk for your preemies. My DS was born at 33w and 1 day. I pumped religiously for 3 months and even hired a LC to come to the home. He just never got it fully. I had oversupply issues and he would scream from gas pain bubbles after EVERY feeding. I had a HUGE supply built up in the freezer from all the pumping while he was in the NICU. Then I discovered my frozen milk had the lipaze issue and it all tastes like soap. DS wont drink it. So, I tried pumping and putting in bottles, starting from scratch and I just couldnt keep up with it. I also have a 2 yr old and am heading back to work..my supply went way down so now we are exclusively on formula. I have tried 3 different ones to find the right one. He was so constipated at first and now he is pooping once a day (thank goodness). We are both much happier now but I am so worried about RSV and I read your posts and how dedicated you are and how you have all been pumping for months and months. I feel so guilty. I really hope DS doesnt get sick.

I know I cant go back and change it now but it makes me feel like I let him down. Everyone keeps telling me that lots of babies do just fine on formula. But, I dont know if thats the case with the Preemie issue. My first baby was full  term.

njdcgirl

First, you have to give yourself a break.  You are doing the best you can for your child - and it sounds like you gave pumping a good chance and it wasn't working for your family.

There are a lot of mamas on the board right now who have had great success with pumping, switching to BF, etc. with their preemies, and are pretty vocal about helping other moms out.  But, honestly I don't think that BF/EP is the norm  for many preemie moms - for an extended time, anyway.  (I think the bump in general has a lot of BF women)  I did pump for my son six months (he was in the hospital for 4.5 of those - it was much easier to do it before he came home)  However, I made a lot of close friends in that time in our NICU, and I think only one switched to BF, and most were exclusively ff by the time their loved ones came home, either b/c of supply issues, or other reasons. 

It's ok. I think preemie moms have enough guilt as it is (I know I felt like I let my son down by not keeping him safe inside for 9 months).  Your son is going to be just fine on formula (and I'm glad to hear that you are both happier - and you found a formula that agrees with him!!)

lemen99

you would be letting your LO down if you weren't being honest with yourself.  I say good for you for recognizing your limits.  Formula won't hurt!

FWIW I EPed 15 mos with DS1, but with DS2 (plus my 2 1/2 year old DS1) I couldn't EP, so he is FF and is doing quite well!

urbanflowerpot

I wish I could give you a hug! I think the PP is right that it isn't the norm for preemie moms to pump/bf. We're all doing what we think is best for our unique situations...just like you can't compare preemie babies - you can't compare preemie moms. We're running as fast as we can to catch up with our LO's who all decided to come out early and wreck any dreams we had of how things were going to go.

I'm glad you posted. Welcome - I hope you'll stick around and vent about RSV and flu with us. Help other moms who are feeling badly about deciding to stop - I'll cheer for whichever side you need, but I can't relate - KWIM? Hopefully Oscar will pop into this thread. She's great.

Cara03

lemen99:

you would be letting your LO down if you weren't being honest with yourself.  I say good for you for recognizing your limits.  Formula won't hurt!

 

This. I tried pumping for 3.5 months, never got much of a supply at all, and realized I needed to quit when he came home from the hospital. He was already getting mostly formula by that point because I just didn't produce.

The guilt, oh the guilt. I had guilt about quitting pumping, not producing milk, delivering early, you name it. My counselor just said today that I truly was in a place of torturing myself with guilt for months. I know it's so easy to say and so difficult to do, but please, try not to blame yourself. My counselor helped me work through the guilt and it is so freeing to not be torturing myself anymore. You're a great mama. 

staceylynn1229

Do NOT feel bad about quitting pumping!  My dd was born Aug 28 at 32 weeks, and I have been EPing.  After much worrying and thinking, I am currently in the process of weening because I go back to work soon, and I think that me working + being married to the pump = a recipe for one stressed out mama!!!  We all do what we think is best for our sweet babies, and it doesn't matter how you feed your lo.  She will get fed and she will continue to grow and flourish.  Just love that baby and do not beat yourself up!  Best wishes!

jacksonandbradysmom

You ladies are incredibly supportive. Thank you so much for your kind words. It really does help. I feel we are all part of a club that only the members can truly understand what its like to be part of the club. Thanks again!