need help/advice/to vent (long)

notthebride123

Hi all,

DD and I have had on and off BFing issues since the beginning. Well, actually, all the issues are apparently mine. She had a great latch, strong suck, loved to nurse, etc. I have had supply issues the whole time. Have seen multiple IBCLCs and pedis, gone to LLL meetings, worked with LLL leaders, etc. I am currently taking the max dose of fenugreek, blessed thistle, and about a month ago started domperidone. I am also pumping 3-5 times a day after she eats in the hopes of increasing supply. I have been doing the pumping since Thanksgiving (and I did it for the first six weeks too). I AM EXHAUSTED!

So, DD now loves the bottle and not so much the boob. She will only nurse if I am very full (which is generally only first thing in the AM and for our one overnight feeding). Even then, she will generally only stay latched for 5-8 minutes (sometimes 20 minutes over night, but she?s probably half asleep/comfort nursing).  I switch her back and forth between sides several times until she is just not having it anymore. After that, I give her a bottle, of pumped milk if I have it, formula if I don't. I offer between 2 and 4 ozs depending on how long she nursed/if she seems hungry still. Then, after THAT, I pump. So between BFing, bottle, and pump, I am spending over an hour on the routine. And, she is awake the whole time, and goes to bed shortly after (still naps every 1.5ish hours) so I feel like I don?t even spend much quality time with her.  Forget running errands or cleaning the house. I am lucky if I can eat, take a shower, and cook dinner during the course of the day. 

What to do? I am thinking of going to EPing so that I can pump while she is sleeping and just give her the bottle. I know EPing is NOT easy, but seems easier than what I am doing right now. I am worried about my supply if I EP?since it is not to great to begin with. I know I wouldn?t be able to keep up with her demand, but I am wondering if my supply would continue to decrease if I started EPing. (and I probably not pump overnight?probably would pump 4 times a day.)

I wanted to make it to 12 months before we thought about weaning. I didn?t want to give her formula. Now I am thinking if she can get at least half breastmilk that would be good, and if we can keep it up through the cold/flu season (so end of March) that is the goal. I feel like I am killing myself trying to do this, but there is no way I can give up 100%...the guilt would kill me. That, and I really want her to get some bm through the winter because I have a 2^nd grader who brings home all kinds of germs.

I?m really torn. I?m really exhausted. And I?m just so upset/guilty/sad/frustrated.

Thanks for reading this novel. Any advice is appreciated.

 

bgf1

I don't know how much help I can be as I have not had similar issues.  My son and my bfing journey has been a bit the opposite as I had quite an oversupply and he struggled with that initially.  However whatever you decide to do don't feel guilty... any amount of breastmilk you have been able to give LO is a wonderful gift, and if you need to supplement with formula then that's OK.  At the end of the day you need to do whatever lets you be in the best place emotionally to be your LO's mom and that means giving yourself permission to look after your needs too.  GL.