fusssing to be picked up: go by real or adjusted age

honey23

Wondering what other preemie mamas did when it seemed that their LOs are crying but seemingly only to be picked up...If DS were a FT baby and 12 weeks old I would start letting him fuss (cry) a bit before going to him so he learns to comfort himself and be by himself but since my DD was just 3.5 weeks ago seems like I should treat him as the newborn that he should be, so I don't know whether to go by his real or adjusted age when deciding how much to let him CIO....after writing it out it seems if he's realized all he has to do is cry to be picked up then he's old enough to realize we can't hold him all day

adrielegorburu

I use DD's adjusted age for everything relating to milestones including sleep patterns. I am not a CIO mom and I'm not sure what your rush is to "learn to comfort himself and be by himself" at such an early stage. The reading and research on CIO that I've done says its not supposed to be practiced until the baby is older. When my baby cries to be picked up - I pick her up. Have you talked to your Pedi about it?  I'm sure they would be the best source of information on when your DS is ready to CIO.

urbanflowerpot

You should be going by adjusted age. LO is still a NB.

SushiNoMore

We don't do CIO either, but 12 weeks is too early for that even for a term baby.  I'm not sure if you're referring to CIO or not in your post, but CIO shouldn't be started until 4-6 months even for a term baby.  I think it's okay to let all babies fuss for a couple of minutes if you have to, say, go to the bathroom, but, at your daughter's age, I really think you should just be picking your up.

To answer your specific question:  You should be using adjusted age for all milestones, especially at the very beginining.  My son is starting to catch up, so we use his actual age for some things.  He's 10 months old, though, which is a lot different of a situation than you're in.

honey23

I'd rather not let him cry, like some of you said he should be a newborn now and I want to treat him as such....just wondering because I have to go back to work in about 3 weeks and while I don't have anything or anybody else to occupy my time right now, his babysitter will have other kids to watch when he goes there

jenifairies

honey23:

I'd rather not let him cry, like some of you said he should be a newborn now and I want to treat him as such....just wondering because I have to go back to work in about 3 weeks and while I don't have anything or anybody else to occupy my time right now, his babysitter will have other kids to watch when he goes there

don't let him cry. it won't teach him anything. he's a newborn, and if his babysitter is going to leave him to cry, i'd reconsider my childcare plans. that's not meant to be snarky, either.

JeepersWife

I agree with all the PP...I dont let my LO CIO either...obviously there are times where I am alone with him and have to use the bathroom, or do other tasks that cannot be done while holding my DS and I have to let him fuss...but in terms of CIO...not in my house!  Obviously this will be the situation no matter where your child is during the day with a babysitter or in a child care center...but I would not want my baby to be somewhere where they practice CIO...Have you discussed that with the babysitter?

haziedaze

Henry wants to be held all the time too. It's SO challenging, and because they are preemies this newborn stuff lasts FOREVER! I will let him grunt and fuss a little bit when I have to get something done (shower, fold clothes, pee, etc), but if he really cries I pick him up. It's true he does just want to be held, but his reasons are a little different than an older baby. Being held helps him calm down from being overstimulated, regulates his temp, and helps him fall into the deeper stages of sleep that are important for brain development.

My ringslings have been lifesavers! That way I have my hands free to do other things, like pee or bump ). Can't wait till he can be left to his own devices a little more, but my mom instincts tell me we're not there yet...

honey23

haziedaze:

Henry wants to be held all the time too. It's SO challenging, and because they are preemies this newborn stuff lasts FOREVER! I will let him grunt and fuss a little bit when I have to get something done (shower, fold clothes, pee, etc), but if he really cries I pick him up. It's true he does just want to be held, but his reasons are a little different than an older baby. Being held helps him calm down from being overstimulated, regulates his temp, and helps him fall into the deeper stages of sleep that are important for brain development.

My ringslings have been lifesavers! That way I have my hands free to do other things, like pee or bump ). Can't wait till he can be left to his own devices a little more, but my mom instincts tell me we're not there yet...

This is basically it, he just wants to be held all the time, he wants to sleep most of the day still but wants to sleep with one of us holding him, he only stays alseep 15-20 min after putting him down...While I love cuddling with him it just leaves very little time to do anything, I guess I'll have to have Santa get me sort of carrier for Christmas   I'll also have to make sure the babysitter realizes he still needs treated for newborn like a newborn

lemen99

Go by adjusted age

honey23

I just realized my reply got put in Hazie's quote: the first 2 paragraphs are her's and the 3rd is my reply:

This is basically it, he just wants to be held all the time, he wants to sleep most of the day still but wants to sleep with one of us holding him, he only stays alseep 15-20 min after putting him down...While I love cuddling with him it just leaves very little time to do anything, I guess I'll have to have Santa get me sort of carrier for Christmas   I'll also have to make sure the babysitter realizes he still needs treated for newborn like a newborn