holidays ..

lau1021

Is anyone else dreading the holidays? I feel the anxiety building as we get closer. We announced to everyone we were pregnant early on and now i know what a big mistake that was. But, I know better for next time. I have only seen & spoke with my parents & sister since this all began and DH family has reached out to him, but he has expressed that I appriciate everyones thoughts but just want to be left alone at this point. I love DH family, but they are nosey and there are just so many of them. We spend christmas eve with his family and there is usually 50+ attending (24 cousins & about 20 aunts & uncles & grandparents!) It is always nice to see everyone but just the thought of hearing "im sorry" "how are you feeling" "the same thing happened to me!" 50 times over & over makes me want to just hide. I am so sensitive right now, if anyone asks how im feeling today, i lose it. I cant imagine the first person I see that day asking how I feel and me just losing it in front of everyone and making a scene. It is hard to have DH tell everyone not to bring it up, bc his family is the type that they will want to share their "story" and tell me everything will be ok - i dont want to hear it. I know they are trying to be supportive but I dont want to hear it. As of right now, I feel I may skip christmas eve this year, DH understands but I feel guilty. Im very torn right now, any thoughts? sorry so long!

RedRose84

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're dreading the Holidays.  You may feel better when the time actually comes for Christmas.  I know it will be overwhelming to be around everyone, but it may be more comforting than you think.  Maybe DH can tell them all not to bring it up and then you won't have to hear it so many times. I'm sad about the Holidays and not having my LO with me, but am happy to see my family.  Hope it all goes okay for you!

bumpuser2669861

I flip-flop back and forth between dreading the holidays and looking forward to having all my family around.  This weekend I have back-to-back family parties and I know it will be hard just because no one knows what to say.  And as irrational as I know it is, I feel like I let everyone down.  

Good luck to everyone!   

dmjaurena1

Yes, the holidays are hard.

 I miscarried at 6 weeks last year in November, and while last Christmas was hard, I think this one will be the hardest. Our baby would've been 5 months on Dec 2.

The big problem is that my sister in law had my beautiful baby niece, so I get to watch the joy that she's experiencing. I'm trying so hard to be happy for her and I love my niece, but I wish it were me instead. I wish I were watching christmas movies with my new baby, and making cute hats for her, and posting cute pictures every 5 seconds.  Oh gosh, it's so hard not to be bitter.  

 We are donating a toy to Toys for Tots this year in our baby's honor.

 I pray that your holidays are as stress free and painless as possible. Remember, if you need to scream, cry or rant, we are here.

tiffmatt

I know for me this holiday season will be challenging to say the least.  We were only 6w when we experienced loss.  We hadn't told anyone except my mother, who now knows about the loss as well.  We plan to tell my DH's parents, but I am not sure if I will tell my sister and father yet.  My DH is very close with his parents, and there is no real way to keep it from them.  Add in that my BIL/SIL have a little one who will be there Christmas morning it is best if they know what happened so they can be understanding about the issue.  Obviously if I have to excuse myself suddenly because the sight of a gift for my lil niece makes me cry it will be best if they understand why.

I am not looking forward to the conversation.  I have barely gotten over the spontaneous crying bouts, but I can't expect DH to tell them alone.  He has been my rock through so much of this, I need to be there for him.

In regard to your situation, if you find that people are trying to share their stories, you can gently put up a hand and say something to the effect of "I'm sorry to stop you, but this is still too sensative a matter.  I really prefer to just focus on the holiday right now and would appreciate your support."  If they can't accept that just say you aren't feeling well and excuse yourself.  You may not need to shun the holiday gathering, but you also don't have to put yourself through and more grief than you have already been through.  T&P are with you.

krissywave

I feel ya about the holidays.  I havent done anything for the holidays.  I dont want to even put up a Christmas Tree.  I dont want anything to do with Christmas.  But my suggestion for you is have you DH talk to his parents to ask them if they could say something to everyone between now and the tiem you all get together .  This way they know ahead of the time that its not something you want to talk to.  Than if you want to say something that let you say something first.