Need some encouragement, please!

kiley&matt

So I moved out last Saturday (12/3).  Some friends of mine were kind enough to let DS and I stay with them for a month or two until I can get a job and figure out other living arrangements. 

DS and I are having a very hard time adjusting to the new place.  We share a room in the basement, so we hear people stomping around upstairs (they have two kids), the dog running, the furnace kicking on constantly, etc.  Also, it's very cold in the basement and there are spiders everywhere.  I know I should simply be grateful to them for letting us stay, but it's hard when DS and I are sleep deprived and feeling misplaced.  We both just want to go home, because it's so hard to be living in someone else's home and not have our own stuff around us.  I'm trying to be strong and stick it out and remember that this is just temporary.  It's just so hard.  And on top of that, I'm lonely.  I don't miss being married to my stbxh, but I just miss being married in general.  And I'm overwhelmed by everything I have to figure out - the calls I have to make, the jobs I have to apply for, etc.  I know I made the right decision by leaving him, but this has been a difficult week.  How long before things start getting better?  

achase123

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this.  That sounds really tough.  I like the quote "rock bottom was the foundation upon which I built my life". Just keep remembering that it can only go up from here.

LoveyFNR

achase123:

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this.  That sounds really tough.  I like the quote "rock bottom was the foundation upon which I built my life". Just keep remembering that it can only go up from here.

I really like this. The quote is way too true. So far I'm a month in from leaving my STBXH and the days are getting easier and brighter. I still have a lot of fighting to do over court situations and my divorce has only begun. But I know in 2 more months I will have a new home and be legally divorced and that helps me get through these tough times. That there is light at the end of our tunnels.

scout426

Your gonna have good days and bad days.  Right now dd and I are sharing a bedroom with my sister.  Dd has always been a bad sleeper but now I feel like I have to jump up with every peep she makes so as not to disturb anyone else's sleep.  It's just making her sleeping habits worse.  Last night she woke up every 30 minutes because she wanted to sleep in bed with me.  Plus I've been looking for a job for 3 weeks and haven't had any luck.  I was over payed and now over qualified.  No matter what I say in the interview about just needing any job and that I'll start at the bottom it isn't helping.   I understand the feelings of just wanting your life back knowing that you really dont want that life back.  

cemacmil

luckystarz:

Head up, you will make it and realize how strong you really are. One of my favorite quotes that has pulled me though a lot is, "People don't cry because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long." 

I have not heard this quote but it may be my new favorite. I left late Feb/March of this past year and am still in my parents' basement sharing a room with DD. It is hard and it is ok to cry or just ask anyone (and outloud and alone) including God/Universe/whatever you believe for help. Like PP said, there are good days and bad days but try and live in hope. You came from/are in the worst place and can only move up with hope. Things will pile, like calls (I hate those the worst) etc., but you will survive and one day even be above survival!

kiley&matt

Thanks, everyone!  I'm glad to know that I'm not alone, and that other people have been in and gotten out of this situation.  As one of you mentioned, it is mostly just wanting my life back but not wanting my OLD life back   It's just hard to be in this transitional phase and not being able to do anything about it.  And the family I'm living with is LOUD!  And Liam and I are used to quiet.  Hopefully we'll get used to it after we've been here a little longer.

jtrayers

I just found that quote and everything clicked for me.  I have been so angry and upset lately because HE did so many bad things, yet here I am a year later still getting punished for those things, but he is off with his sister on a snow resort as if nothing happened.  Yet he "wants" our daughter so bad.  My financial situation is getting harder and harder but I do not have anyone to move in with so I have to keep struggling to make rent and all of my payments.  I have tried to trade in my car for a car of lesser value to lower my payments but no luck with that.  I calculated how much he would owe me for all of this time away with no cs...and i got up to 6,880...no wonder I am struggling!!!!

 Its hard trying to remember not to feel sad when I think about him and what we used to have because it was so good and so comfortable.  But I have to keep reminding myself, he is NOT the same guy anymore and never will be.  I swear he is bipolar, but those moments where he seems to be himself it is so hard to remember how awful he is now because all I want is some company and some relieve from stress..

ashleyvc2

We have been separated since 9/10.  It's hard.  Very hard.  It's lonely, sad, etc.  there are days where all I want to so is crawl back to him and live in misery because it's comfortable.  Times when I find things (like decorating the tree with the kids yesterday and I found the ornament we got for our first christmas as a married couple etc.)

 

However, I remember the bad days.  The days where I honestly felt like my world was going to end b/c I was so miserable and sick of walking on egg shells.  I remember the feeling of opening the link to our bank account and wondering if he bounced more checks and took out more money for booze/drugs.  I think about the times he told me he was running to the store at 7 pm and would show up 12 hours later without a call wasted.  

 

I still live through the good and the bad.  I have made peace with the fact that I always will.  It's made me who I am and as much as I don't want to ever live that again, I know I will relive it in my own self b/c it's made me stronger, happier and more appreciative of all the struggles I have now.