Ever feel like you'll never be okay?

mrssoprano

For the first couple months, I felt like I was grieving but still getting through day by day. The past week has been all bad days. I feel like I'm sinking into a hole and can't climb out. Depression and anxiety are out of control and it scares me. I get this horrible panicked feeling when I realize once again that my baby girl is gone. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this 2-3 months or more after a loss.

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hewinked

I still feel this way from time to time.  It's been 11 months today since Adam died.  I think grief comes and goes in cycles for me.  Sometimes I'm doing good, sometimes ok, sometimes horrible.  I think it's normal.  Lots of hugs coming to you.

erbarmywife

After I lost my girls, I didnt really get to grieve, at least not until about 6 months later. It really sucked, because all of a sudden the grief was just OVERWHELMING.  Obviously, it was bad for the first month or so (I told my hubs to kill me, I didnt want to live), but then, I had to push aside my grief to take care of my other kids, and deal with my hubs, who is a recovering alcholic and was drinking then.  I am a little more than a year out from their loss, and while I still have a hard time (now, for one..) sometimes, it's mostly better.  I still miss them, tons, and I wish they were here, but I can get through a week without crying.

AmyG2b

I know how that feels. I am having a really hard time, and can't pinpoint why it has come up worse than normal. I think it's the holidays. I find that continuing to talk it through helps. 

NicoleD54

I'm 3 months out from my loss, and I definitely feel like the grief comes in cycles. Some days I feel like I'm doing ok and other days I can't even get out of bed. I'm hoping with time the really bad days come much less often and there are far more good days for everyone. Are you or have you thought about seeing a therapist?

mrssoprano

Thank you all so much for your responses. I am seeing a therapist (I was seeing her before all this happened for other issues), but I just don't know how much it's helping. There is an infant loss support group here that I need to try as well.

butterfly843

((hugs)) I find this time of year tough after my losses, I used to love the holidays, not so much anymore.

Heatherhah

It has been 11 weeks this week since we lost Sydney and I am right there with you it is so hard right now. I think it is harder because of the holidays, you can't go any where without seeing babies mainly malls it sucks. I am finding that I am so down all the time but maybe I don't cry every single day but I am always down. I just recently went to my first support group and I found so much comfort there. The ladies were amazing and their strength and their stories helped me since my loss was the most recent I can find advice from them and hope it helps me in the future. Good luck , you are not alone!!!

Hugs- Heather

AJZAK

With the holidays coming it get harder and harder. i know that I certainly have a hard time getting through the day too. Then if you are trying again it makes things worse because everyt month you start to feel like you failed again...(hugs)

Carolee

I still have good days and bad days, and it's been 16 months.  I've noticed though that the bad days are becoming farther between.  (((HUGS))). 

mrssoprano

Well my therapist is sick today and canceled. I know this is bad, but I have this horrible feeling she is pg. I've just had this weird feeling for a few weeks and she is sick a lot. Honestly I don't think I can continue with her if she is. I hope that doesnt make me a terrible person

sandykins

Yes. I'm a few months out too and am feeling the same way. I do have some good days - good meaning I'm not paralyzed by sadness- but then I have days like to day that basically undo those good days. Not one day have gone by where I haven?t relived seeing his lifeless body on that screen.

 

Hugs to you. Wish I could actually give you a real hug. I could sure use one right now.

pb127

mrssoprano:

Well my therapist is sick today and canceled. I know this is bad, but I have this horrible feeling she is pg. I've just had this weird feeling for a few weeks and she is sick a lot. Honestly I don't think I can continue with her if she is. I hope that doesnt make me a terrible person

This definitely doesn't make you a terrible person! I would also find someone else if my therapist was pregnant, it's just too difficult not to.

And to your original question~ yes, absolutely. This new normal doesn't make me feel "okay" and I'm not sure I'll ever get there completely but I feel like I am some days, bit by bit.

Big (((hugs))).