Anyone with an hour commute to work? (long)

psubride1012

H and I have been thinking of moving to the other side of the city.  It is closer to family and friends, has better job opportunities (for him) and the area is just nicer.  We are in a very different financial position than we were when we bought our house 6 years ago - we want to take advantage of the housing market to get something bigger, hopefully for a better price than we would have gotten before.  The only negative?  It's an hour commute for me to get to my job.

We went house hunting the last 3 weekends just to get an idea of what we could get in our price range.  Of course, we found a house that we both fell in love with.  It has everything that we want, it's close to major highways to get places, 20 minutes from friends and family and it's in our price range.  But we tested the commute and it's an hour and 5-10 minutes for me.  It's all highway driving, no rush hour traffic.  But I am having a hard time wrapping my head around driving that much, especially if we are looking to start a family.  I feel like I am crazy for even considering this. 

I have a friend that lives over that way, so I am going to stay with her a night this week to test the commute during morning and evening.  I love my job and don't have plans to leave any time soon.  My current commute is 20 minutes, so I am really struggling with what to do.  H currently has an hour commute, so we'd basically be switching commutes.  The only thing is that he's not happy with his job and wants to find a new one - and most of what he's seen in job opportunities has been on that side of the city, some of which would be an hour and a half commute from where we currently live.  So moving would open up a new job market for him.  I have thought about waiting to see if he finds a new job and move then, but we didn't want to be forced into "settling" because of a time constraint.

So I guess the question is whether I want to have a better quality of life outside of work or continue to live where we live so I can have a shorter commute, but be an hour away from friends and family.  So our choices are basically 1) move to where we want to live, screw the commute, 2) stay where we are, or 3) buy a new house where we currently live.  I don't feel like 3 is a good option just because of the job market in our area - I am not sure I want to make an investment in a new house here and then have to leave in a few years if we need to find new jobs.

Anyone else in this boat?  What did you decide?  Do you feel like you make the right choice or do you regret it? 

 

 

happilyeverafterxo

Hi there I'm also from, PA...and I also have about an hour commute to and from work each day.

DH and I both teach in my hometown, it is actually kind of how we met. However, he is from about an hour away. When we got married, his grandparents left us their house. So, we fixed it up and are living in his hometown because we don't have a mortgage.

I guess I'm in a little bit of a different situation, because we are an hour away from my family and my friends, but we live near his family.

My husband is the Marching Band director, and I run the Colorguard and Drill Team. It really sucks on Friday nights when we don't get back to the school from a football game until about 11 and then we have to wait for all the kids to go home and drive an additional hour to our house. Sometimes we don't get home until after 1:00 in the morning, and then we are back up for a competition on Saturday.

It isn't too bad when Marching Band isn't in the picture, but there are definite disadvantages to having such a long commute. It's really annoying to not be able to run home on lunch break, or have to stay for something going on in the evening, but not be able to go home and freshen up (luckily I can do this at either of my parents' houses if I need to) and it's generally frustrating to have to add an hour on to anything you plan on doing after work.

This is my second year doing it, and although I don't mind waking up so early (we leave our house every morning at 6:30) it does make me really tired when I get home. We really want to have our kids go to school where we teach, so we are really thinking about moving to my hometown once we start a family.

There are a lot of things to think about - it can be done if necessary, but just take into account all of the things in your life that will be impacted! Gas prices and driving in the winter are another thing to think about...good luck hun!

psubride1012

happilyeverafterxo:

This is my second year doing it, and although I don't mind waking up so early (we leave our house every morning at 6:30) it does make me really tired when I get home. We really want to have our kids go to school where we teach, so we are really thinking about moving to my hometown once we start a family.

There are a lot of things to think about - it can be done if necessary, but just take into account all of the things in your life that will be impacted! Gas prices and driving in the winter are another thing to think about...good luck hun!

Yep - waking up earlier every day definitely has crossed my mind!  And I find it interesting that you're thinking about moving once you start a family - that makes sense!  Here I am chosing to have an hour commute!  This is where I feel like an idiot...and where I feel like EVERYTHING comes back to TTC/IF - I feel like I am chosing to be away from my future child an extra hour every day if we move.  I told H if we did move, he'd have to take kid(s) to daycare and take care of the dog since I'd have the longer commute.  But I am tired of IF ruling my life - I feel like giving it the big "FU" and moving, but I know that's just my anger/frustration talking.

I have also thought about bad weather and gas - I think we'll be OK financially with gas and my job is pretty flexible about working from home when the weather is bad, so I think I'd be covered there...

ETA: (re: "it can be done if necessary") This clearly is not necessary - we don't HAVE to move (at least not until/if H finds a new job and it requires us to).  We just WANT to move... 

happilyeverafterxo

psubride1012:

happilyeverafterxo:

This is my second year doing it, and although I don't mind waking up so early (we leave our house every morning at 6:30) it does make me really tired when I get home. We really want to have our kids go to school where we teach, so we are really thinking about moving to my hometown once we start a family.

There are a lot of things to think about - it can be done if necessary, but just take into account all of the things in your life that will be impacted! Gas prices and driving in the winter are another thing to think about...good luck hun!

Yep - waking up earlier every day definitely has crossed my mind!  And I find it interesting that you're thinking about moving once you start a family - that makes sense!  Here I am chosing to have an hour commute!  This is where I feel like an idiot...and where I feel like EVERYTHING comes back to TTC/IF - I feel like I am chosing to be away from my future child an extra hour every day if we move.  I told H if we did move, he'd have to take kid(s) to daycare and take care of the dog since I'd have the longer commute.  But I am tired of IF ruling my life - I feel like giving it the big "FU" and moving, but I know that's just my anger/frustration talking.

I have also thought about bad weather and gas - I think we'll be OK financially with gas and my job is pretty flexible about working from home when the weather is bad, so I think I'd be covered there...

ETA: (re: "it can be done if necessary") This clearly is not necessary - we don't HAVE to move (at least not until/if H finds a new job and it requires us to).  We just WANT to move... 

Awww, hun, you are not an idiot! If your job is really flexible about you working from home and such, then that is a great thing! We are financially stable with gas added in the mix as well, so we don't give that too much thought. It kind of has just become a "monthly bill" almost.

Is there any way they would let you work from home half the week? Then you could do some sort of mix and matching I don't know what type of job you have - but that would be awesome!

If you come straight home after work - it really isn't so bad! The earliest we can leave school is 3:25 so most days we are home right at 4:30 if we leave straight from school.

psubride1012

happilyeverafterxo:

psubride1012:

happilyeverafterxo:

Is there any way they would let you work from home half the week? Then you could do some sort of mix and matching I don't know what type of job you have - but that would be awesome! 

The "rules" about working from home are really manager's discretion...usually if you have a doctor's appointment, the weather is bad, etc., and you'd spend more time commuting and you'd have more "productive time" working from home, then it's OK with your manager's approval. 

They do have an "alternate work schedule" that I could apply for that would let me work from home a few days per week, but one of my direct reports applied for it and was denied.  But I think I am in a slightly different situation - I am a manager and 9 of the 14 people that report to me are in a different state and the other 5 are at my current work location, so I feel like since a majority of my group is not at the same location anyway, it doesn't really matter where I work.  But I don't know that my director would feel the same way.

UGH!  Decisions, decisions!  Thanks for sharing your thoughts - I appreciate it!

kelnyc

It sounds to me like you'd both be happier: both could have jobs you like, close to friends and family (could this help with child care?), better neighborhood in an area you like, nicer house in your budget. To me, all of that is totally worth an extra 40 minutes on the road. Also, if rush hour traffic sucks, maybe you can work out a change in your start/finish time to get around it? MH works 30 miles from home, but with traffic, it can take well over an hour. So, he goes in at 7 and leaves at 4. It works out beautifully, even if he has to do a little work from home at night. GL!

psubride1012

kelnyc:

It sounds to me like you'd both be happier: both could have jobs you like, close to friends and family (could this help with child care?), better neighborhood in an area you like, nicer house in your budget. To me, all of that is totally worth an extra 40 minutes on the road. Also, if rush hour traffic sucks, maybe you can work out a change in your start/finish time to get around it? MH works 30 miles from home, but with traffic, it can take well over an hour. So, he goes in at 7 and leaves at 4. It works out beautifully, even if he has to do a little work from home at night. GL!

This is what I keep coming back to - that I think we'd both be much happier.  I don't think that moving closer to family would help with daily childcare - but it would definitely help when we want to have a night to ourselves.  His mom is already saying how she wishes that her grandchildren live closer (his sisters live out of state) so that she could take them places, so I know when we have kids, she will want to be around more doing stuff with them.

The commute is all highway, no traffic, so changing my work hours won't really affect it at all - it's basically 50 miles of highway. 

psubride1012

mg0202:

I drive 45-60 minutes each way.  The worst part for me is that I live 10 miles away, the traffic is really bad.  If it wasn't rush hour I wouldn't mind so much, the slow pace is what drives me crazy. 

That sucks!  That is one thing about this - at least it's an hour of driving 45-70MPH, depending on which highway I am on.  So no traffic.  I would go nuts in traffic!  Like you said though - you have no choice, you have to do it.  I feel like since it's my choice, I'm kinda crazy for choosing to drive that long everyday!

kellyrn9956

I drive 45 minutes each way to work. But I make about $10,000 more per year in the city than I would here in my little town, so it's worth it. I drive some windy back roads, and some highway.

I actually don't mind it much, except in the winter when you ahve to wake up in the dark and drive home in the dark. And if I have a 7am meeting, I have to be up at 4:30, but that doesn't happen very often.

byrne15

I commuted my last 2 years of college (a little over an hour each way).  I actually didn't mind the drive.  I got to be alone and listen to music or talk radio.  I would get a coffee and be in my own little world. 

Sometimes I wish my drive was longer to work now (20 mins), because I get involved in the morning show I listen to.

The down side?  GAS is $$$$ and driving that distance in the winter can suck.

annabelle8101

I used to work 60-90 minutes from home, depending on traffic, but closer to 60-75 most of the time. It was mostly highway but lots if stop and go traffic and aggressive drivers. Now I intern half the distance, and it takes 30-40 minutes. The condition of the roads makes a big difference. 60-90 minutes of stress each day was killing me. 

 I think that once you have kids who are going to bed at 7-9 pm, it really would help to change your hours to as early as possible to get a chunk of hours home after work. I think a lot of moms run into picking the kiddo up from daycare at 5:30 or 6 and then the kiddo goes to bed at like 7:30 and they end up with less than 2 hours actually together.

HotChocolate79

***ticker warning***  I hope it's ok if I answer as I was a regular here and still stalk you ladies :-)

We were in the same predicament earlier this year, except that I hate my job.  MH works at home FT, so for him it was all the same.  The part of town we lived in (and weren't crazy about) is where most jobs for me are located and where I've worked since 2007.  We still made a decision to move to an area close to family and friends because it was a lifestyle 100% better suited for us and our future children.  We'll live here a lot longer than I'll work at my miserable job, so I look at the inconvenience of my commute (which sucks donkey balls but so does my job, but I don't intend to stay there any longer than I have to) as a temporary evil.

I don't know if you have any flexibility but perhaps you could negotiate hours that are more conducive to lighter traffic, or even one day to work at home?  I try to work at home once a week, even though my boss doesn't like it... but then again, I am not invested in making her happy, so as long as I do my work, I don't really care what she thinks.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Lightdrwr

I have commuted over an hour to work for 11.5 years. The first 6 years, I drove myself and the second part of that I have carpooled. Carpooling is cheaper and I don't have to drive every day because we take turns but it means I have to leave earlier because some of the people I ride with start work earlier. I leave my house no later than 6:15 a.m. and get home at about 6:15 at night. It's a very long day. My sister and I did the math once and figured out that I spend an average of about 32.5 DAYS a year commuting. That's a whole month of my life that is "wasted" on commuting! I am currently doing okay with this fact but there are periods of time it makes me miserable thinking about it and I would be willing to do just about anything to make it change!

 When we were first married, DH worked in town and then commuted an hour away for several years and now is in town 3 days a week and commutes 2 days a week. All of this commuting is in part why we put off having kids for so long (we have been married 7.5 years.) I just couldn't imagine having just a couple of hours in the evening with the kids and with both of us working out of town, the thought of getting the kid(s) off to day care so early and picking them up so late was unsettling. However, a couple of years ago, our 3 nieces were living with us and we realized that, although not ideal, you just make it work. DH is home earlier than me so he would start dinner and homework with the kids and when I got home we'd eat, finish up homework after dinner and then there was a little bit of play time before the bedtime routine began. 

I love the idea of living closer to work or working closer to home but neither one of them is very reasonable at this point. My job is very specialized and I could not have a similar job in my home town. Finding a new job in my town would mean changing careers and/or taking a serious pay cut. We own our home and the market is terrible so we can't sell our house for what we would need to in order to purchase a new one so we are pretty much stuck. All of that being said, we currently live close to our family and friends and I wouldn't trade that to live closer to my work place. 

I don't know if any of this helps you at all. It's a lot to think about and a big decision. Maybe make a pros and cons list and see which one "feels" best? Good luck to you!