Toddler hurts baby --- how to correct behavior?

Switzerland

I have a just-turned 2yo and a 5 week old. The 2 yo loves/adores her sister so much! She always wants to kiss her hands and often times squeezes them too much. When this happens I know it's NOT intentional and she does not understand her strength -- so we ask her to be gentle and talk about being gentle till I am blue in the face. We don't put her in time out for this since it was not intentional.  

Then the other scenario is when 2 yo is asked to stop doing something, like touching baby's head -- 2 yo will swat baby's head or pinch baby's hand because she is mad. I don't know whether to immediately put her in time out for this INTENTIONAL behavior or ask her to be calm and gentle? 2 yo will also go try and pinch baby intentionally if she is mad about something else that has NOTHING to do with baby, like go take a nap, etc -- she will run into the room baby is in and try to pinch or squeeze. (We do time outs for other bad behavior when needed)

I am afraid if I start using time outs for the INTENTIONAL hurting it will make things worse as 2yo will see that this gets my full attention and keep doing it... or maybe I am wrong.... Our baby is never out of our sight with 2yo nearby, my job is to protect the baby and also to help our 2yo thru this, I just don't know how best??

What are you doing when this intentional hurting starts?  

roundtheworldgirl

We do time-outs for intentional violence.  My girls are 14 months and 26.5 months, and DD1 still attacks DD2 occasionally.  She goes right into time out.  Yes, she gets my attention for the five seconds it takes me to put her in time out, but after that she has to listen to me shower DD2 with attention for the full two minutes that she is standing in the corner.  All you can do is continue to correct the behavior, and understand that the older one is only 2 - this behavior is normal and will continue.

marielovestimothy03

Ditto PP. That is how I handle it too.

DJB2010

My DD does this for attention....soley! At this moment I am simply telling her, No, that hurts brother and then immediately using her hand to pet his head.

I did TO's with her for a while but its only for the attention and she needs the redirection and I want her to know how to touch him with "gentle" touches.  I am having a good reaction from her.  But with everything else I am switching up the "Consequences".

If she cannot play nicely we also will leave the room or play area that we were sharing.  

Good Luck to us all! And I am thankful I am not the only one going thru this.

I take it really personally when she does this to her brother. I hope it gets better when he starts crawling..... 

kcisthebombdotcom

I tried time outs but found them ineffective. What worked better was when he did something intentionally to hurt, I would say "oww, that hurt baby!" then I'd remove myself and the baby from the room. I'd give the baby a ton of attention and ignore DS. I did this for about a minute, then went back to the room DS was in. Id show him how to touch the baby gently, and when he did it I'd offer him a ton of praise.

After nearly a year, he still pets his sister like a dog, but at least he rarely hits her.