He refused to go to mediation.....

Crystal318

I dont even know why I am asking because I already know what the next step should be but my ex refused to go to mediation today. He says I just need to "chill" "relax" "just enjoy the holidays with my son" "dont make such a big deal out of things".....He says he doesnt have a job (he lost it last week - got fired), he lives at his brother's house, etc. He wants me to wait until he is back on his feet so that he doesnt look so bad in court/mediation.  WTF? Really?  And here I am contemplating what I should do next....I need some serious therapy!!!

DaringMiss

Was the mediation date set for today or was he just telling you that he won't do mediation yet today?  Was the mediation court ordered or voluntary?  

Crystal318

The date was set for today and it was voluntary - I was trying to avoid a full blown custody/child support battle!

turtle1120

If I were you, I'd see an attorney and start the process of the the full blown custody/child support battle.  Obviously he's not a willing participant in working things out.  It's ridiculous of him to expect you to wait so that he doesn't look bad in court/mediation.  He doesn't care about child support because I'm sure it's something he doesn't want to pay, and as long as he sees your LO there's no incentive for him to do anything about custody.

JCGreene85

do not take shortcuts! I dont understand why so many people try and take the path of least resistance. And if mediation was set up, you might have to pay for a cancellation fee.. 

Crystal318

JCGreene85:

do not take shortcuts! I dont understand why so many people try and take the path of least resistance. And if mediation was set up, you might have to pay for a cancellation fee.. 

I wouldnt really consider it a shortcut. Actually, wouldnt jumping right into court be more of a short cut? Yes, I was trying to exhaust all my options before skipping right to court battles but it was more because I wanted to at least know that we tried absolutely everything first. 

Also, mediation is usually required when you have a custody battle anyways so technically I would have been ahead of the game!

Thirdly, my parents divorce/custody battle was horrible. Even though I was only three when it was initiated, I was in and out of courts and counselors all my life!  I was stuck in the middle ALL THE TIME. If it wasnt my mom or my dad involving me then it was my grandparents, etc.  Even though I would do everything I could to protect my son and not get him involved, I know it is eventually inevitable that he will hear it from someone in the family. Knowing his father, the more amicable we can be about this and the less resistant we are toward each other, the easier it will be for LO in the future IMO.