need a book recommendation

BostonGayGal

My little sister is dating a loser. He leeches, gets into minor trouble with the law, gets her kicked out of her apartment, wastes money on cigarettes and pot, and is generally lazy and stupid. I suspect she stays with him because it makes her feel more capable and she has a bit of a broken bird syndrome. I don't *think* he abuses her. 

She knows how I feel, and we manage a strong relationship despite our differing opinions about him. I am buying her holiday presents, and if there were a book that might be helpful to her, I will add it to the gift. No biggie if there isn't a title that comes to mind as being on point, but I have seen you guys mentions certain books and wondered whether you might know of a good one. 

cmanmom

Is he manipulative in a lying/con artist type of way like my special ex?  If it's more of that kind of thing I highly recommend "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout.  It's a whopping $10 on amazon and totally worth it if he's the manipulative/no conscience/lying type.

achase123

Oh boy, I have a few.  Do you think she'll be offended by the obvious suggestion that her BF is a loser?

Here are some that I have found very helpful:

"He's Just No Good for You: Your Guide for Getting Out of a Destructive Relationship"  This one would probably be the best.  Describes different types of personality characteristics such as a "mama's boy" or "narcissist" with the worst of the worst being "the predator".  I read this before I had made the decision to file.

Also good:

"The Manipulative Man"

"Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry, Controlling Men"

"The Sociopath Next Door" this one is good but he's likely NOT a sociopath so it might be a bit much.

The one I'm reading now is "Who's Pulling Your Strings" and it's all about manipulation but maybe not directly related to her relationship.

Hope that helps!

cemacmil

When my XH was in rehab (detox) I started reading "Co-dependent No More." I found it helpful because it not only focuses on the reader as a person not just the manipulater (sp?) but also has journal exercises at the end of each chapter in the form of very specific questions to ask yourself. This might help her find out who she is as a person as well.

Honestly I should read it again myself