HELP my 3 year old was choking someone

coolmel55

So got the call from daycare this morning that my 3 year old, completely unprovoked, went up to another child and started choking him.  He left marks and wouldn't stop until the teacher went and removed his hands from the other kid.

 I'm mortified, I have NO IDEA why he would ever think to do that.  We don't watch violent TV with him nor do we do it at home.  I just don't know what to think or say.  Any advice would be appreciated.

 

GoombaGirl_79

Probably just experimenting. I have a vague memory of doing the same thing to our poor kitten at about that age... my mom came in horrified and apparently I just looked at her and said "his tongue sticks out!"  Good Lord... morbid! Kitten was fine, mom was traumatized, I was unaware why it might be a bad idea (I assume I got it after she explained).  I always feel terrible when I remember that though even if I was only 3!

I don't think it has to do with watching violence in any way. (an example of this, SIL knows a family that lives on a little island, kind of a "hippy" style existance, built their house on the land etc, NO tv or anything...and their little boy was chasing around his sister making a "gun" hand and yelling "POW POW POW!!! Killed you!") 

I would just explain to him why it's not a good thing to do, and how it hurts the other child and made him sad, and how he wouldn't want another child to do the same to him. I'd only worry if it became a trend. 

amos07

I don't have any advice but we are going through something similar.  Our DD grabbed my DH's neck in Target one night and said "break your neck off" and proceeded to squeeze as hard as she could.  We gave her a time out and told her it wasn't okay but she has done it a few more times, luckily she only does it to family. We don't watch anything violent and we certainly don't expose her to anything like that so I don't know where they learn it.   

Smores730

I would probably make my daughter push on her own throat to show her what the other kid felt. Just slight pressure is fairly uncomfortable. I would try to figure out why he did that (he was most likely angry) and provide what he should have done instead. The action itself elicits a wtf response from us but they don't get the severity of it and probably won't even if it's explained. Hopefully showing him on himself what it felt like might discourage him from doing it again.

Meg&Jesse

GoombaGirl_79:

I don't think it has to do with watching violence in any way. (an example of this, SIL knows a family that lives on a little island, kind of a "hippy" style existance, built their house on the land etc, NO tv or anything...and their little boy was chasing around his sister making a "gun" hand and yelling "POW POW POW!!! Killed you!") 

I so super agree with this.  We also limit DS's exposure to television and are somewhat "peace loving hippies."  And DS still does these "boy things."  Granted he is exposed to other children at childcare, although I believe it is just the job of a little boy to do these things.

I totally hear you on being mortified.  When I was leaving this am DS pushed another boy off of the window ledge when he was saying goodbye to his dad.  I was also mortified and made a big production about DS saying sorry (which I now regret, because it just made it a bigger scene in the end).  I guess it is all part of being a child and I agree with pp about kids "experimenting." 

 

nkrell

From teaching preschoolers it depends on the context and severity of the situation. Does the child do it repeatedly? Does he engage in other "violent" or rough behavior. I watched a 3 year old boy constantly go up to other children and jump on them, put his hands on their faces, and choke them...and it was suggested that he had a sensory integration issue because he could not seem to keep his hands off of the other kids. If it is recurrent the child should be evaluated. Too many parents are afraid of stigmatizing their toddler by not having them looked at...it will be far worse to ignore the issue and have a teenager or young adult who has issues because they were not dealt with properly when they were still fixable.

erbear

I would consider a therapist. 

janinekrause

a therapist?

 

Talk to him. If he does it repeatedly, yes there could be an issue. If it is a one time thing that doesn't happen again, I don't think he needs a shrink.

 

 

dairygirl19

This depends on so much, but at this age it's relatively "harmless."

Usually they're just practicing "Everything that has an action has a reaction" and simply testing their own strength.

If it was a one time thing and he's otherwise "normal" and "happy" I'd discipline it and move on.