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Single Parents
AmberLiz99
member
Not single but scared
AmberLiz99
member
I need a little support and felt like you ladies might understand. My ds is 5 months old. H has made some bad choices in the past, but we worked on things and for 2 years we were in a really good place. That?s when we got pregnant and ds was born. A month ago H went on a business trip and did some things that, if we had not just had our son, I would have left him for. As it is, I have agreed to give our marriage one more shot so long as I can tell he is really trying.
What scares me is not so much the idea of being alone with lo, I know I can do what it takes if necessary, but the idea of not knowing and investing more into our family if he is just going to break it apart again in another year or two. He makes comments about ?if things don?t go well? or how he ?doesn?t want to make promises he can?t keep? and it just makes it that much harder. He is a pretty good father, but not a good husband.
I?m willing to work to keep my family together, but won?t if I think it?s a bad atmosphere for my son. I guess I?m just looking for someone to tell me that I?m not doing anything wrong by keeping my emotional distance and kind of waiting to see how this plays out. Is it bad that I?m a little scared right now?
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Re: Not single but scared
Totally normal to be scared. In my honest opinion it sounds like you know what you want to do, and should do, but aren't ready to do it yet.
I also do NOT lik ethe way he's saying things like "well, if things don't go well" or he "can't make promises he can't keep". That's manipulation right there and I hope you know that.
Get into counseling for yourself to explore this further. I've been reading a book called "Who's Pulling Your Strings" and it's about manipulation. I highly recommend it.
I do recognize that he is controlling, that is one of the things that is causing some of his behaviour and I call him on it now frequently. I have been meeting with someone, and plan on starting to attend a support group that meets in my area.
Thanks for the support, and the book recomendation. I will look it up.
Try marriage counseling. I tried marriage counseling and it did not work for us and he was not going to change, therefore I left him (long story - don't want to get into detail). I had to think about myself for once and what would be best for our daughter. I was tired of being scared and crying ALL the time.
Plan ahead. If you are going to leave him and are 100% sure, make sure you have support from your family and close friends, you will need them! Also a place to stay for awhile until you can get back on your feet.
We are always here if you have questions - don't hesitate to ask! Do whats best for you and your LO. Life is too short to be unhappy and scared. If he is willing to change his ways and not be full of "empty promises", then great! Otherwise, I'd really start thinking about your future and DS.
Leaving XH was the best decision I have ever made. Times are VERY tough still and I have to put up with his BS on a daily basis telling me how horrible I am, but I know it will get better!
Praying for you sweetie!!
Is this how you want your child to grow up and think this type of marriage is normal?
Do you want your son to grow up and treat his wife the same way his father treats you b/c that's the normal you demostrated?
If you have a daughter is this how you want her to be treated by a man when she grows up?
By 5 yrs old a child has formulated what a potenial mate should look like based on the behaviors of their parents. Do you want this type of relationship for your child?